Forgotten God

I, as an girl, a teenager, an American, a loving heart, a future mom, a future wife, a big sister, a little sister, a Vacation Bible School teacher, a Christian Ministries major, a Christian, and a human, would be foolish to believe that I could ignore the recent events that have shaken our nation.

I'm not politically sound enough, educated on gun control enough, or even very intelligent enough, so you could surely read more posts that are much more encouraging and well-written than mine about the Sandy Hook Shooting on Friday.  But as I live through (above all others, a Christian) and get ready to live through (still, above all others, a Christian) all the things listed above, I find it harder and harder to ignore the shooting.

Everyone knows what happened.  For far too many people, worlds stopped spinning on Friday.  Glasses of optimism were turned upside down, water pouring out until absolutely nothing was left.  Parents, siblings, teachers, principals, public safety, Christians, non-Christians, everyone is left wondering how and why.

The question is asked over and over and I'd be lying if I said that I had an answer right away: "Where is God?"  

"Where is your God" would probably be more accurate of a question for a large percentage of modern-day America.  Being a Christian does not make this question that much easier to answer for me, if I can be real about it.  I would be lying if I said I didn't ask myself the same question.  That probably makes me look really bad as a Christian and I'm sorry about that.

I think that a lot of Christians (ME, ME, ME) today struggle with accepting God in some ways and rejected Him in others.  Like seeking God when we have a hard test coming up, but not seeking Him when it comes to a future spouse.  Trusting God with fixing our future, but living sinful, unjustified, "I-wouldn't-even-get-close-to-that-mess" lives now.  Praising God when times are good, but bashing God when things get rough.  

It seems that a lot of Christians (STILL ME) have bailed on God in the recent days.  Forgetting the character of God, we've resorted to trying to figure out the whys.  

Forget that God is faithful.  Why did this happen, God?

Forget that God is sovereign.  Why did this happen, God?

Forget that God is just.  Why did this happen, God?

Forget that God will forever reign.  Why did this happen, God?

Forget that God is the Alpha and the Omega.  Why did this happen, God?

Forget that God commands all things.  Why did this happen, God?

Forget that God is the only Healer.  Why did this happen, God?

Forget that God loves us.  Why did this happen, God?

If God is good all the time, why did this happen?  If God is for His people, why did this happen?

It's important for us to realize that God has a plan for all things, even the bad things.  He is working, even in this.  He is good, even in this.  He is here in the valley.  He is loving even when He is hard to find.  He is hope when there is no hope.

A little off topic, but seriously, I would be a wreck if I wasn't a Christian.  There would be no hope for tomorrow.  No light at the end of the tunnel.  I remember living that way and thinking that way.  Hallelujah for my Savior.  Hallelujah that He pulled me out of that.  

Anyway, we have to remember that God has a plan.  I've heard Steven Curtis Chapman describe it this way-

When we look at a picture and we're standing really close to it, it's so hard to understand what it is.  We can only focus on certain parts, only the parts we see.  But when we can step back and look at the bigger picture, it will all begin to make sense.

Here on earth, days later, it's beyond difficult to understand the murder of 26 people, 20 of those children ages 6-7.  We can't make sense of it.  And I may sound psycho and screwed up for even saying this, but I honestly believe that one day on Heaven's side of things, we'll all be able to understand.  The picture will make sense when we see the whole thing.  On this side of eternity, it's unfathomable ever being able to get it.  But if there's anything I know, it's that we worship the King of kings and I know that He has a plan.  In the pit, He has a plan and He is still working.  I've seen it with my own life.  Our God is good.  Our God is hope.

You Will Reign by Kristian Stanfill

Whom Shall I Fear by Chris Tomlin

Prayer Time:  God, I pray for the families directly affected by this horrible incident.  I pray that you surround them with hope, love, adoration, comfort, and a peace that only you could ever supply.  I pray for the sin of our nation, God.  I pray that Christians around the world would take this as the best time ever to rise up and shine for You.  I pray that you give us strength, endurance, and encouragement to stand for Your name.  I pray for the leaders of our country, God, that they would lead and seek wisdom for the future of our nation.  We may not understand all they do, but we know that you have put them in line and that there is a reason for you putting them in the leadership positions that they are in.  Thank you for your love and grace.  Thank you for your sin because in Him and only Him are our sins paid.  Thank you for loving us when we are so unlovable.  I pray that we take nothing for granted and live precious lives in light of you.  Thank you for all that you're doing, God, even here.  Thank you for the firm hope we have in you and your name.  Thank you for the promise of a better day.  It's in your son's name that I pray, amen.

Romans 8:28- "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:31-39- "What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for all of us, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?  Who shall bring any charge against God's elect?  It is God who justifies.  Who is to condemn?  Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised-- who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall tribulation, or distress  or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?  As it is written, 'For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.'  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

By the way, "more than conquerors" is my next tattoo.

By by the way, because of recent events, I've decided that after majoring in Christian Ministries  I'll be going into Children's Ministry.  I love the babies and I cannot, cannot, CANNOT wait to help them.

By by by the way, I love you guys that read this and put up with my rambling.  I'm praying for you guys, even those of you I don't know by name.  Y'all give me strength and bless me more than I can explain.  

By by by by the way, sorry for the confused rambling, I couldn't formulate this into a very well-written post.

By by by by by the way, <3.

Yours is the victory.  All glory, honor, power is Yours, amen.

Coming Home

"If you walk away from God, you walk away from the protection of God." -Perry Noble

I am so, so, so confused lately.  Confused about many things.
I don't believe in my worldly, secular head that I have "walked away from God" (By the way, you know you're justifying for yourself when you feel the need to put it in quotes.  Preaching to myself here).  I haven't left God, really, though I haven't turned to Him.  It's a crazy life I live, I tell you.  I'm pretty sure I'm the worst sinner out there.  I don't smoke weed or party or sleep around, but my heart's intentions are not good.  I'm deceitful and inconsistent and wavering in my faith.  I'm dishonest and fleeting.  

Like I said in another post, when you ask God to show you your sin, He'll make you feel disgusting in yourself.  Not only that, but He'll keep showing you long after you think you already got the point.  Even though I don't know which way is up lately and I feel so caught up, it's is so very exciting to know that God is working on me.  In the midst of this chaos, He has a plan for me.  In the midst of my dirtiness, He is stepping in to pull me out.  The Cleanest of Clean is stepping into the wreck of a life that I've made for myself and helping me.  Ladies and Gentlemen, THAT is a reason to rejoice.  God has not forgotten about me or you.

Anyway.  I always end up laughing (and I mean laughing hard like "Brenna, you're so stupid") at myself.  How in any universe did I think that I was in control of my life?  Like "Sure, God, you can have my future and my past.  But these present circumstances, calm down 'cause I got it.  I'm all over this, I don't need you here.  Just step in and save me later when I ask.  Don't intervene when you're not wanted, God."  

Are you kidding me?  I'm RIDICULOUS.  I have fallen flat on my face because of this.  My confusion is because I kicked God out and told Him I could handle it.  

Why would (and how could) I ever believe that God doesn't get me?  That God doesn't see the end of this and that if maybe, just maybe I handle it, it'll still be okay?  That God doesn't have my best interest at heart?  That Jesus came to save the real or hardcore sinners and that somehow, I don't fall into that category? 

When you step out of fellowship with Christ, you really do lose the protection of God.  I feel so under attack lately.  It seems like while some things are somewhat coming together, other things are miserably falling apart.    I stepped out of an intimate relationship with the Lord and stepped into the world.  I can handle it, God.  Really.  Chill out.  This is my life, not yours.  And that sounds so ridiculous, but when you sum up what I've done and the thoughts I've had, it boils down to that harsh reality.

The devil takes this little loss of fellowship and makes it explode, y'all.  He will make you forget that God even exists.  You forget that the victory has been won already and that God comes out on top at the end of EVERY day, EVERY year, EVERY season.  Hallelujah for that kind of King.  

The beautiful thing about being a Christian is not only being able to rest in the truth that God will always reign, forever, but being able to come Home when you run.  Perry preached on this Sunday and I didn't even know that this was where this post was headed, but of course God's divine intervention would have me here.  No matter how fast I run from God, all I have to do is turn around.  The beautiful thing is that it's never too late to turn around.  I can run my whole life, even persecute the name of Christ, but all I have to do is turn around.

Y'all, God is good.  I say that way too much and never enough all at the same time.  We are so blessed to have a religion and a Risen King that allows us to simply come Home.  We don't have to earn Home or the King back.  There's nothing we could do to earn that.  In fact, everything would do should stop us from receiving that.

Today is a good day to be blessed.  God reigns, day after day, everyday, forevermore.  Eternal and forever. I know a lot of things make me excited, but I hope this makes you excited like it makes me excited.  God is forever and sovereign over us, even when we walk away.

Prayer Time: God, thank you for all that you are.  Thank you because we can dwell in Your presence, even when we persecute Your name.  Thank you for reigning over our lives and giving us a reason to have joy and hope.  Thank you for calling us Home.  Help us to remember you, God, and you alone.  In Your Son's name I pray, amen.

"Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed.  When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals--one on his right, the other on his left.  Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.' And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.  The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him.  They said, 'He saved others; let him save himself is he is the Christ of God, the Chosen One.'  The soldiers also came up and mocked him.  They offered him wine vinegar and said, 'If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself.'  There was a written notice above him, which read: THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS.  One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: 'Aren't you the Christ?  Save yourself and us!'  But the other criminal rebuked him.  'Don't you fear God,' he said, 'since you are under the same sentence?  We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve.  But this man has done nothing wrong.'  Then he said, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.'  Jesus answered him, 'I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.'"  Luke 23:32-43

Don't miss that Jesus forgave a real-life criminal that was moments away from his death and Hell.  Jesus welcomed him Home even then, as He Himself hung on a cross for the sins of the world.  Hallelujah, what a Savior.

Also.  THIS, THIS, THIS.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K48-Li7lIfA

Faithful Forever, Perfect in Love

It's been almost a month since I've been to this familiar place.  Bible open, laptop buzzing, water bottle half empty, me at my desk.  It's sad to come here and not know what to say.

Sovereign Over Us by Aaron Keyes - Listen first.  Repeat about 42 times.

To say the past month has been "a little rough" on me would be the understatement of the century.  To say a lot has happened would be a fib.  I've hit everything over the past month.

God has challenged me, absolutely rocked me to my core.  I warn you that if you ask for God to show you all the filth that you are, you'll be disgusted by yourself.  If you ask God to show you the sin in the world because you think you can kind of sweep it under the rug, He'll leave you queasy and teary-eyed, wondering how, how, how.

People will fail you.  As much as I hate that, they will.  Not everyone is going to love you and not everyone is going to be like you.  I've been challenged in my relationships, academically, in my own sinful desire, in the way I interact with people, and plainly in my faith.  

What do you do when your whole glass of optimism is poured out?  I mean, that sounds dramatic and teenage-girl-y.  But really, what do you do?  This is a question that I've been forced to ask myself, but I'd be lying if I said I reacted the right way.

Ignoring God is not the answer.  Indulging in whatever you please is not the answer.  Ranting and complaining is not the answer.  Not seeking help is not the answer.  I would know because I've tried.

It's a humbling, terrifying, empty, wholly, holy place where you see that God is all you have.  Things happen and things change and as much as I tried, I couldn't fix the wrong.  I tried, promise.  But God made it more and more evident to me that the only thing that could fix the void was Jesus Christ and my faith in Him.

Praise God for being forever.  He is unshaken, unchanging, un-surprised (why is this not a word?) by our circumstances, eternal, and loving.  When things shock me, God is not surprised.  In fact, He's been preparing me the whole way.  He slowly broke my relationships to force me to depend on Him, so that when the bottom fell out, He was unshaken while I was left empty-handed, dazed and confused, and terrified for the future.

Listen closely.  God is good.  He is worthy of all that we are and a million times more.  Seriously, thank God that He is not human like I am.  If God wasn't supernatural, we'd all be doomed.

Rest assured in the hope that is in the Lord.  Rest assured in who He calls you.  Your identity in Him is priceless and irreplaceable.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  You are His.  You are held by the King.  He has made you righteous.

It's never to late to come back and it's never too early to stop yourself.  Don't let Satan have a foothold in your life, even for a moment.  Never in a million years will it be worth it.

Prayer Time:  Dear God, thank You.  I could never say that enough times, but hallelujah, what a Savior.  Thank You for all that You are and all that You're doing.  It's in Jesus' name that I pray, amen.

1 Corinthians 10:24-27- Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Psalm 139:9-16- If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Sorry for the rambling.  Thanks for putting up with me.  Promise to come back soon <3

Praise to the God of All Comfort

God never fails to blow my mind.

I woke up on the wrong side of my twin size bed this morning.  Tangled in sheets, hot, drooling, aggravated from last night. Looking forward to my Saturday, I subconsciously made up my mind that staying in bed all day would be ideal.

As I considered what to do with my day now since it would be being spent alone, I decided on lunch alone and dinner alone.  Showering doesn't even sound too appealing (I'm still in bed. and haven't showered. Whoops?).  The more I thought about my circumstances, the more aggravated, frustrating, and mad I got. 

Of course, because I'm a girl named Brenna, I needed to rant.  I ranted to anyone who would listen: Mom, Lindsey, Allison, and Twitter (#mylifeisajoke).  And then God totally grabbed my heart and so put me back in my place.  

Suddenly, I couldn't focus on my bads anymore.  Through His ever-present-though-often-ignored-by-me love, God hit me with my blessings, my goods.  I'm seriously the most blessed person in the world.  I have a mother that adores me and is honest with me when I need to hear it, friends that are content with letting me rant, encouraging friends that make it their goal to comfort me, best friends that care for me and will fight for me.

Why was I ever in a bad mood again?  It's hard to look at the face of God, realizing your blessings, and be mad at the one thing that He is putting you through.  It's especially hard when you know that that one thing is only to help you.  It's to make you less dependent on your relationships and more dependent on the only one that can save, ever.  It's to make you step back from going-going-going and step into His peace and His love.  It's giving you a heartcheck.  

We have to stand firm in the love, blessing, and grace of our Father, even in the midst of trial.  Don't forget that God is good.  When our relationships fail us, God is good.  When we feel so alone, God is good.  When we fall to sin, God is good.  When we idolize things other than God, God is good.  When we forget Him, though He never forgets us, God is good.

I can't stress to you enough how important it is to take the good with the bad.  Don't forget that the Savior of the whole world is yours.  He is chasing after you, desiring you, begging for you to turn to Him.

I often get wrapped up in my circumstances, forgetting my place and my call in the world.  Even through it all, God is good.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7-Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ,so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Prayer Time: God, thank you for loving me when I am so, so, so unlovable.  Thank you for your grace and for showing me mercy.  Thank you for friends and family that step in in the midst of the darkness to shine Your light and to keep me on track.  God, I praise you for what you're doing in my life.  I know that everything I am going through is not because of any accident.  Thank you for the everlasting cross and your everlasting love.  It's in your Son's name that I pray, amen.

Stop dwelling on your circumstances.  God is good.

Feeling Disgusting

Anyone else feel like this week would never, ever, ever end?

Well, it's finally Friday! FINALLY.

I want to talk about something tonight that I've kind of been struggling with in my head lately.  It's been a long, long week and if I can confess and be real for a moment, I haven't been at all like the Christian that I should be.  I don't want to go into the thousands of ways I've sinned because we would be here forever and a day.  But my sin has been very evident and very in-my-face this week.  I'm not sure if it's because I have been so on-the-go that I haven't had time to stop and rest or if it's because God is calling me out on it.  Whichever reason, I can't ignore my sin this week.

Last night, at BCM, we were singing The Anthem by Planetshakers and I began to feel so convicted.  Like how in the world can I come before such a holy and righteous God when the both of us know what I've been doing?  It's weird, but I was disgusted with myself.  It brought tears to my eyes because I felt so ashamed and guilty for even thinking about entering the presence of the Almighty God with all sin.

But I started to think.  And I realized that this is what Jesus came for.  He is the Risen King; He came to wipe my slate clean.  Before I could ever repent, He came to make me clean.  He is righteous and when He went to the cross, He made me righteous.  My sin doesn't define me.  My uncleanliness does repulse God, but the veil has been torn and through my Lord Jesus Christ, I have been made righteous.

I never really understood what that meant.  But because He is holy, I am holy.  I could never do anything to earn the title that I have been given.

Ladies and Gentlemen, our God is so good.  We are forgiven and we are free.  The chains are gone.  Christ is Lord and He has won the victory.  Hallelujah.

Biblical Over the Emotional

So this morning I need to talk about something that Perry laid on my heart yesterday in church.
I never realized before that I was doing this to myself, but I put a whole lot of worthless value on my dating life. I try to justify for the wrong type of guys way too often. As Perry pointed out, it's a dangerous trap when we put the emotional over the biblical.

Many times, we justify for our relationships because we think that we can't let go of how ____ makes us feel. "I would like a man like the men from the Bible, but ____ makes me feel so good."
This is jacked up, twisted, wrong, immoral, and sinful. We have got to, got to, GOT TO stop putting ourselves on the back burner. God would never want us to walk in a way that wasn't glorifying Him. So why do we think that our relationships are any different? What the heck?

I wish I could tag someone in this, hahah. But that wouldn't be the very Christian thing to do. We all have our flaws.

But how did I get to this point? I always look at people in relationships and think "they are so stupid. I would never let a guy run me over like that. I would never give him all that control." But that's exactly what I do.

Ladies, we need to stop valuing how these guys makes us feel and rather seek what is biblical. Adam pursued Eve. Since the beginning of time, efforts have been made by Man when he really wants something. Stop fooling yourself into believing that you can change him or that he'll come through sometime.. if you just wait long enough. God will bring the right man to you in His time. Trust His promise. Genesis 2:18 says "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'" This is the first account of God saying that something is not good. God earnestly believes that man and woman are meant to be united.
God isn't out to get us; this isn't a game of who performs the best will receive the best. God wants the best for each and every one of us. His heart isn't malicious and He isn't keeping score of sexual, mental, physical, or emotional rights and wrongs. I'm preaching to myself here.

He simply loves you. He adores you. He created Eve and as He was forming her, He knew that she would cost Him His Son. He knew that she would cause trouble for Him. But He still went forth with her; He still pursued her. So if Eve, the introduction of sin into the world, is worthy of God's pursuit, what makes us think that we aren't?

Ladies, we are precious and adored. He has crowned us in righteousness. Take off your sinful cloak and begin walking in what the Lord has for you. He is much more worthy of our praise than the serpent. He loves beyond measure and He wants the best for us.

Prayer Time: God, I thank you for your love. Thank you for your living word. I thank you for the stories that can teach us, even thousands of years later. Thank you for clothing us in righteous. Thank you for loving us, even when we feel so, so unlovable. I pray for hearts of women around the world today that are feeling forgotten or unloved. I pray that you intercede on that funeral and you pull these women into all that you have for them. I pray that we wait on you, God, because we know you are faithful. I pray that we seek Godly men, rather than comparing our men to God. Help us to follow in your paths and walk in your glorious light. For it's in Your Son's precious name that I pray, amen.

Keep On Keepin' On

My life is a zoo, haha.

I'm about to lose my head. School and friends and God and papers and speeches.

Thank God that when I'm so flaky He isn't. The only thing that is helping me get through ANYTHING is knowing that He is constant. God is working in the midst of my trial and my craziness.

One thing I'm kind of going through lately is dealing with a friend that isn't a Christian. In God's divine timing, evangelism groups started last Wednesday night, so I am learning more about how to minister to people that are different than me. But it's freaking scary, if I can be honest. It's hard approaching that. I know that God will work regardless of how well I "witness" to others, but it is intimidating.

Anyhow. With this person, I see their burdens so, so clearly. This person's life breaks my heart because I was there three short years ago.  I have changed so much since that, PRAISE GOD FOR THAT. So it is hard to watch said person go through life with Jesus.

Prayer Time: God, I pray that I would boldly proclaim Your name. I pray that you would give me confidence, wisdom, encouragement, and understanding to do Your will. Thank you for your love and mercy. God, that You would even pick me to speak to someone about You blows my mind, so I pray that you would just be glorified in that. Thank You for trusting and loving me, even when I doubt and leave You.

By the way, my car is dead and gone :(

God is still good.

Luke 12:25- "'Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?'"

Ephesians 3:20-21- "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

Woah, my life.

Man, it's been a whole week! This has definitely 

been the craziest week of college yet.

Ever get that feeling like you're drowning? Like there's no way you can catch up? Yeah, story of my life.

I'm not even totally sure what to blog about now, because I feel like so much has happened. So I'll just ramble, bear with me.

I definitely felt the weight of college this week. It's been assignment after assignment after paper  after speech after test after book after reading. It's been the week from Hell, no doubt.

Something I kind of dealt with today was a very humbling experience. I was freaking out about my tuition payment. It was supposed to go through today and my money wasn't in my account. All day, I was so stressed, waiting on my parents to deposit the money.

And then I hit a hard reality. Brenna, do you really have that little faith that you're going to count God out like that?

Yeah. Ouch. I kind of suck a lot, haha. But really. God would not call me to something like Anderson and then bail out on me. If He wants me here, He'll provide in every way possible. I took a look at myself and I was forced to ask my, "how can you have such small faith?"

When big things come, when things that don't really pertain to me happen, it's easy for me to say "God has a plan. He'll provide. Don't stress." But when something big is happening to me, I freak out. 

I have no doubt that I cause God some migraines. Probably daily. How is it that He loves me still?

So I'm working on that. Working on have a bigger, less shallow faith. Working on staying around to see His kingdom unfold before I get so caught up in mine. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Prayer Time: Dear Lord, I just want to thank you for all that you are and for all that you're making me into. Thank you for loving me, the so unlovable one. Thank you for mercy and grace and for forgiving me when I doubt you. I know you'll provide. I pray that you help me to rest solely on that promise. You are good. It's in Jesus' name I pray, amen.

ANDDDDDDDD here's some pictures to catch ya'll up on the last few weeks of my life-

Morning Thinking with My Circle

It's so awesome how God puts people in your life for a reason, even done to the minor details you didn't think you needed. He equips you with gifts to shine His light to others, too. 
I thank Him for a friend who can listen to what I have to say without judging me or seeing me differently, friends that I can laugh with, a friend that I can cry to, friends that never leave my side, friends to talk to, friends to pray over and with, friends that I can encourage, family that will love me unconditionally, friends that can keep me accountable.

And it all makes sense because all these things I find in my friends and family are things that the Father is. He is all-loving, unconditional, without judging our past, leading, humorous (that's for sure!), always there, never failing, never leading me astray. 

God is good and I hope we all rest in that truth today.

More Than Conquerors

The Victory - Phil Wickham
Take Heart - Hillsong United

Slight case of rambling and 

"I've-been-too-busy-to-blog,-but-I-so-need-to-right-now". 

Sorry in advance.

So I just got back from BCM. At BCM, which stands for Baptist Collegiate Ministry, we have these groups that meet after BCM that are called Community Groups. And my Community Group has been great and all, but if I can be human and real for a moment (not that my being human is any kind of excuse), I admit that I wasn't as excited about BCM as I usually am.

It's been a stressful week and I know that I shouldn't let that win over the power of Christ, but if we're still being honest, it's so hard sometimes.

So I laugh at all of this when I say that we just happen to be starting our new series on the book of James tonight. And we just happen to be reading James 1. And we just happen to focus a lot on James 1:2-4.

It just happened, of course. 

James 1:2-4- "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Now, I can highlight and love these verses and quote these verses to no end, but it gets really hard to adore my trials when they are bombarding me, begging me to stumble and fall into them.

You can't achieve spiritual maturity without developing steadfast perseverance. And you can't achieve perseverance without rejoicing in your trials.

We have to take heart in the fact that all our troubles, all our fears, He has overcome. The grave is empty. Jesus has risen, death has been beaten. And we are victorious in the Lord, Jesus Christ. 

What we see as the end of the world has already been overtaken. It's done. It is finished.

This speaks volumes to me. I always need to hear this and remind myself of this and come back to this.

We also focused on the idea of community tonight. God blew my mind on this one. Friends, roommates, leaving my friends and family, meeting people- all of these things terrified me whenever I thought about moving to Anderson.

But I can't do it alone. I never could. Now, I don't just mean God and I, but people. I need friends to hold me accountable, to keep me on track, to encourage me, to comfort me, to build me up. 

In every way and in every light, the Lord is showing me that Anderson was absolutely the right decision, as if I needed anymore proof. We are the body of Christ and we all bring different things to the table, but we are one and we are a community united for His glory.

How awesome is that?

We are all so different, but as Christians, we are all so the same.

The Lord is good, I'll say it until He calls me Home. He is good, He is faithful, He is sovereign, and He has overcome.

Exodus 14:14-"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Romans 8:31-37-"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;

we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

A Heart Like His. Was I Even a Christian Before?

I've said it before and I'll keep on saying it, but since I've been at Anderson, God has taught me so, so, so much.

I was talking to Mom this morning and I was telling her about a guy I've met. So not going into the details there, 'cause it's nothing like that, but it did make me think a lot.

I met him because he was sitting by himself one day and one thing led to another and he ended up sitting with us.
Well, yesterday, he was sitting by himself again.

And call me mega-creeper girl, but this breaks my heart. I think I've kind of always had a heart for the broken, but I've been living in the shadows of trying to fit in.

This is confusing. Let me explain better.
I was easily swayed in high school. Not swayed in a sense that I did drugs or went out partying all the time, but mentally swayed. I could see someone pick on someone else and it could absolutely break my heart, but I wouldn't do anything about it. I could watch someone trip and fall and watch everyone point and laugh, but I sure wasn't going to be the one to pick them up. I like attention, but I didn't want to be known as the girl that stood out by doing different than what everyone else was doing.

And it's such a scary realization, but was I even a Christian then? I mean, this is what Jesus was. Jesus reached for the lowly and the broken without any regard to what anyone would think of Him. So if I called myself a "Christian", being "Christ-like", then, but I didn't reach for the lowly and the broken, what was I doing?

That's some scary stuff. The whole time, I didn't think I was doing too bad. 

Fast forward to now. Like I was saying, seeing this boy alone absolutely tears (like you tear paper and like your eyes water) me up. I know that I hate to sit alone, by myself. I'm learning more and more about Christ here, so I've kind of challenged myself with what I hear God telling me:

Brenna. If you're a Christian and you love Me and you want to stand for Me, 

how can you ignore My children, My kingdom, and all that I have taught you?

Conviction at it's finest.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

So what am I doing if it doesn't bring glory to the King? What am I doing if I'm not stepping in the gap? What am I doing if I'm stopping Christ from binding the wounds of the brokenhearted through my life?
Bit by bit, God is revealing Himself to me and challenging me. 

I'm slowly learning what it means to have a "servant's heart". I can't sit on the sidelines and act like it doesn't bother me anymore. Forget reputation. Forget what they'll think. If the King of Kings is satisfied with what I'm doing, then so be it.

I won't stand before my friends on judgment day. 

Nothing could ever bring me joy than arriving at Heaven's gates and hearing my Savior say, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" 

I feel like David and I are about to become best friends (I ALWAYS LOVED HIM), because having a heart like His truly is the most important thing. 

Prayer Time: Dear God, I stand before you in awe of all that You are and all that you've done for me. Thank you for sending your Son to be murdered for me, even when you knew that I would deny you and forget you and doubt you. Thank you for Jesus, the Messiah, the Hope of the world. I pray that You strengthen and shine through me. I pray that I would yield to you to let YOU shine, instead of trying to get the approval of others. I pray for a heart like your Son's. I pray that I would be full of servitude and grace and that I would live that out. I pray that this hope doesn't stop here, that it's more than words on a blank page, but that it would really happen. God, you're the desire of my heart and I long for and eagerly await you. Thank you for all you've done and for all you've blessed me with. I thank you for Anderson and for all that you're doing in my life here. I love you, God, and all the praise goes to you. It's in your Son's holy and precious name that I pray, amen.

"'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.'" John 14:27

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

To conclude about my story with the boy, he asked if I was going to BCM and I said yes and he said that he was going, but that he hadn't gone last week. I asked if he had anyone to sit with and he said no, so I told him to sit with me. He sat with me and we worshiped and it was so, so good.

BIRTHDAYYYYY

Happy First Spiritual Birthday to me!

One year ago today, I got baptized!  I was a late bloomer in that regard, I guess. Because I've been a Christian for two or three years. Haha, I'm doing great.

Today was great. I like having my baptism, no matter how late it was, as an annual reminder to celebrate God and God's grace. I feel like a totally different person now that I did at this time last year. I mean, at this time last year, I didn't even know that I was coming to Anderson? What?

Anyhow. Amanda, one of my sweet roommates, wrote me a note today. I've only known her for the short month that we've been here (it's officially a month today! WHAT?!), but she, along with my other roommates and "suitehearts" ;), have quickly become a huge part of my life. In my note, Amanda said this: "I don't know if you have noticed, but I look up to you as a leader to Christ. I feel as if God selected you to be my mentor to help guide me to His word and lead me to opportunities to live a better life through Him."

And I don't want to brag or sound conceited, but that is a dang good thing to hear. As soon as I start questioning whether or not I'm on the right track, as soon as I'm tempted to fall into my sinful life, God sends little things like this to me to remind me that I'm doing just fine. He is faithful and He is good, people. Hold firm to that promise.

It would be hard, as tempted as I am, to wrap up all I've learned over the past year in this blog post. It's been way to much. If I can leave you with anything, just know that God is surely alive, good, faithful, sovereign, loving, ultimate, and so, so, so worthy of our praise.

Sovereign Over Us - Aaron Keyes

Overcome - Jeremy Camp

Dwell - Aaron Keyes

Great I Am - New Life Worship - if you listen to no other song, you HAVE to listen to this one!

"'... and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20

"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me." Matthew 5:11

"'I will not leave you until I have done what I promised you.'" Genesis 28:15

"'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10

My Christian Studies/ministry/I love Jesus a lot verse- 

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace." Acts 20:24

I am so happy and so full now.

Blaming God

“If you decide to continually choose to live the way you want to live and ignore God and His ways, you cannot then blame Him for the environment you created for yourself. You created that. He did not. Those that love Him intentionally live His way.” - Heather Lindsey

I need to preach for a moment, bear with me.

So many times, we decide to take matters into our own hands. We decide that whatever we want to create is better than what God wants to create in us. We fool ourselves into thinking that we know what's best for us. But the truth is that we have no idea.

We decide that our sin is worth it. It's worth reaching out to play with. And I'm totally preaching to myself on this one. So many times, I choose my way and I convince myself that living my way is okay. That it's not a problem.

And then I get frustrated and mad at God for the situation I'm in. “God, why are you doing this to me?” I always fail to realize that God doesn't put me in bad situations.  But I put myself into the situation that I'm in by choosing my ways over His ways.

"Surprisingly, I find over and over again that my greatest enemy of the greater life God has for me is...me." - Steven Furtick

We stop ourselves for moving ahead by choosing to stay behind with our sin.  God has greater plans for us, but we interrupt His plans by plotting against Him.  

We have to realize that when we choose sin, that's not anything of God.  God wouldn't choose for us to live that way.  God wouldn't choose the path of destruction for our lives.  He loves us and adores us and wants the absolute best for us.

So stop (still speaking to myself) living in your sinful past and move onto what God has for you next.  Stop blaming God when we put ourselves in situations when we make Him #2.  It's not His fault that we can't decide what to idolize- our filthy sins or the God of the Universe.

Prayer Time: God, I pray that we live boldly for you.  Not boldly in a sense of rebellious, worldly way, but in a soul-out, abandoned-to-God's-call way.  I pray that we recognize when we choose things over You and we recognize that we have no one to blame but ourselves.  I pray that you be glorified and exalted in our lives.  For it's in Your name that we pray. Amen.

#college #Anderson #happylittlegirl

I'm blessed with the best mom ever!

Blessing Ring<3

Best Friends. Hands down.

Me eating yogurt?!

LOVE AND NEED HER TOO MUCH.

By Grace Alone

#roomieluvin

dinner. at the caf.

Yay for Steven Furtick and Cookout!

My sweet RA <3

Clemson Game Day!

I'm currently sitting on the floor in my dorm, studying, listening to Savior King by Hillsong Worship on a Friday night. I've officially reached lame, college-kid status.

School is going great. On some days, my Old Testament class trips me up and I walk out wondering what the heck I'm doing with my life. I feel so stupid in there sometimes. I don't know the right answers. But I know God is sovereign and that He is good. Holding firm on that promise.

I really, really love Anderson. I love everything about it. The people here are so nice, even the upperclassmen. They've made the transition far easier than I would have ever dreamed. I love the classes (on most days). I love the campus. I love, love, LOVE campus worship. Chapel is great and BCM is incredible. 

God is doing so much more than I could've thought. He is totally huge. I never realized how big He was and how all over everything He really is. He's over everything, literally. There is no place that I can go that He won't be and there is no relationship that I can encounter that wasn't first predetermined by Him. I'm meeting great friends and smiling a lot and being so genuinely happy.

I finally feel myself. I feel like I can do me. I never realized I wasn't doing me, but obviously I wasn't. I feel so full now. God is just dang good.