A Heart Like His. Was I Even a Christian Before?

I've said it before and I'll keep on saying it, but since I've been at Anderson, God has taught me so, so, so much.

I was talking to Mom this morning and I was telling her about a guy I've met. So not going into the details there, 'cause it's nothing like that, but it did make me think a lot.

I met him because he was sitting by himself one day and one thing led to another and he ended up sitting with us.
Well, yesterday, he was sitting by himself again.

And call me mega-creeper girl, but this breaks my heart. I think I've kind of always had a heart for the broken, but I've been living in the shadows of trying to fit in.

This is confusing. Let me explain better.
I was easily swayed in high school. Not swayed in a sense that I did drugs or went out partying all the time, but mentally swayed. I could see someone pick on someone else and it could absolutely break my heart, but I wouldn't do anything about it. I could watch someone trip and fall and watch everyone point and laugh, but I sure wasn't going to be the one to pick them up. I like attention, but I didn't want to be known as the girl that stood out by doing different than what everyone else was doing.

And it's such a scary realization, but was I even a Christian then? I mean, this is what Jesus was. Jesus reached for the lowly and the broken without any regard to what anyone would think of Him. So if I called myself a "Christian", being "Christ-like", then, but I didn't reach for the lowly and the broken, what was I doing?

That's some scary stuff. The whole time, I didn't think I was doing too bad. 

Fast forward to now. Like I was saying, seeing this boy alone absolutely tears (like you tear paper and like your eyes water) me up. I know that I hate to sit alone, by myself. I'm learning more and more about Christ here, so I've kind of challenged myself with what I hear God telling me:

Brenna. If you're a Christian and you love Me and you want to stand for Me, 

how can you ignore My children, My kingdom, and all that I have taught you?

Conviction at it's finest.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

So what am I doing if it doesn't bring glory to the King? What am I doing if I'm not stepping in the gap? What am I doing if I'm stopping Christ from binding the wounds of the brokenhearted through my life?
Bit by bit, God is revealing Himself to me and challenging me. 

I'm slowly learning what it means to have a "servant's heart". I can't sit on the sidelines and act like it doesn't bother me anymore. Forget reputation. Forget what they'll think. If the King of Kings is satisfied with what I'm doing, then so be it.

I won't stand before my friends on judgment day. 

Nothing could ever bring me joy than arriving at Heaven's gates and hearing my Savior say, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" 

I feel like David and I are about to become best friends (I ALWAYS LOVED HIM), because having a heart like His truly is the most important thing. 

Prayer Time: Dear God, I stand before you in awe of all that You are and all that you've done for me. Thank you for sending your Son to be murdered for me, even when you knew that I would deny you and forget you and doubt you. Thank you for Jesus, the Messiah, the Hope of the world. I pray that You strengthen and shine through me. I pray that I would yield to you to let YOU shine, instead of trying to get the approval of others. I pray for a heart like your Son's. I pray that I would be full of servitude and grace and that I would live that out. I pray that this hope doesn't stop here, that it's more than words on a blank page, but that it would really happen. God, you're the desire of my heart and I long for and eagerly await you. Thank you for all you've done and for all you've blessed me with. I thank you for Anderson and for all that you're doing in my life here. I love you, God, and all the praise goes to you. It's in your Son's holy and precious name that I pray, amen.

"'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.'" John 14:27

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

To conclude about my story with the boy, he asked if I was going to BCM and I said yes and he said that he was going, but that he hadn't gone last week. I asked if he had anyone to sit with and he said no, so I told him to sit with me. He sat with me and we worshiped and it was so, so good.