declaring truths for bad days

Friends, I'm hurting.

Life is tough when you make one plan and God makes another.  Proverbs 16:9 says that in their hearts, humans make their own plans, but the Lord is the one that guides those steps.  Allison told me that verse one time like way back in November of last year and it's stuck with me since.  Though it's been on my heart, I've been foolishly faithful to continue in my own planning.

I bought myself those flowers today cause I think sometimes you have to make your own sunshine.  I still believe that the Lord is good and that His goodness never runs out and that He is faithful and that He blesses us, but sometimes things come up and it gets hard to feel those things.

I'll spare you of all the details, but I was sure that one day, I would introduce a certain boy to this blog.  Apparently the Lord had other plans in mind for both he and I.

I took the news hard, then easier.  I slept on it and after lots and lots of praying, I feel better.  It's funny how Jesus handles us so well.  I trust him and I trust that Jesus still has sweet things in store.

I still believe that the Lord is the same yesterday, today, and forever (i still believe).  I still believe that His goodness, His kindness, and His faithfulness persists through the night.  And "though my eyes cannot see every step, I remember the strength of your love, O God; I’ll hold onto the peace you bring" (i will trust You).  I still believe those things to be true, but it will take some convincing and some chanting and maybe some standing-on-furniture declaring for me to hear those truths ring surely for myself.  I know that Jesus is bigger than any wrench that is thrown in my plans.

Aside from that, I move in exactly two weeks.  All the things happening.  So many things.  When I move, I'll be stepping into the role of Senior Resident Advisor.  I'm very excited about that undertaking and I'm even more excited to work with a personal staff of 11 other college students and an even bigger staff of 50ish that have a passion for Anderson, for serving, and for the Lord.

Between now and the time that I'll leave, I'll work, work, work, get some of my hall decorations ready, pack like a madwoman, pray some huge prayers, and love on as many people as I can.  And I'll spend lots of time with Jesus because I so need Him.

I ask that you would pray for me.  Pray for my heart.  Pray that I would not only say that the Lord is good and that He has good things in store, but that I would truly and honestly believe that.

Here's to my junior year.  Here's to the emotions it will bring and the anxiety it will cause and the smiles that I'll smile, the laughs I'll laugh, the prayers I'll pray, and the memories that I cannot wait to make.  I love, love, love this season, even when it goes unexpectedly.  I am so thankful that Jesus satisfies.  He so, so satisfies and He is more than enough.

I'm sure that I'll have lots to update on next time (though I promised in the last post that I would be normal by this one, lolol), but for now, that's about all I can manage.  

You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water. [Psalm 63:1]

bad days are bad, but Jesus is so good.  With my head held high, onward we go.