It's been almost a month since I've been to this familiar place. Bible open, laptop buzzing, water bottle half empty, me at my desk. It's sad to come here and not know what to say.
Sovereign Over Us by Aaron Keyes - Listen first. Repeat about 42 times.
To say the past month has been "a little rough" on me would be the understatement of the century. To say a lot has happened would be a fib. I've hit everything over the past month.
God has challenged me, absolutely rocked me to my core. I warn you that if you ask for God to show you all the filth that you are, you'll be disgusted by yourself. If you ask God to show you the sin in the world because you think you can kind of sweep it under the rug, He'll leave you queasy and teary-eyed, wondering how, how, how.
People will fail you. As much as I hate that, they will. Not everyone is going to love you and not everyone is going to be like you. I've been challenged in my relationships, academically, in my own sinful desire, in the way I interact with people, and plainly in my faith.
What do you do when your whole glass of optimism is poured out? I mean, that sounds dramatic and teenage-girl-y. But really, what do you do? This is a question that I've been forced to ask myself, but I'd be lying if I said I reacted the right way.
Ignoring God is not the answer. Indulging in whatever you please is not the answer. Ranting and complaining is not the answer. Not seeking help is not the answer. I would know because I've tried.
It's a humbling, terrifying, empty, wholly, holy place where you see that God is all you have. Things happen and things change and as much as I tried, I couldn't fix the wrong. I tried, promise. But God made it more and more evident to me that the only thing that could fix the void was Jesus Christ and my faith in Him.
Praise God for being forever. He is unshaken, unchanging, un-surprised (why is this not a word?) by our circumstances, eternal, and loving. When things shock me, God is not surprised. In fact, He's been preparing me the whole way. He slowly broke my relationships to force me to depend on Him, so that when the bottom fell out, He was unshaken while I was left empty-handed, dazed and confused, and terrified for the future.
Listen closely. God is good. He is worthy of all that we are and a million times more. Seriously, thank God that He is not human like I am. If God wasn't supernatural, we'd all be doomed.
Rest assured in the hope that is in the Lord. Rest assured in who He calls you. Your identity in Him is priceless and irreplaceable. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are His. You are held by the King. He has made you righteous.
It's never to late to come back and it's never too early to stop yourself. Don't let Satan have a foothold in your life, even for a moment. Never in a million years will it be worth it.
Prayer Time: Dear God, thank You. I could never say that enough times, but hallelujah, what a Savior. Thank You for all that You are and all that You're doing. It's in Jesus' name that I pray, amen.
1 Corinthians 10:24-27- Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.
Psalm 139:9-16- If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Sorry for the rambling. Thanks for putting up with me. Promise to come back soon <3
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