September is BUSY.

I'm currently in class, on my second cup of coffee, trying to focus and obviously not succeeding.  I'm not convinced that this is how "to-do lists" are supposed to work (I write "blog" on my to-do list and then do it while I'm sitting in class...), but at this point, it's what has to happen.  

This semester is kicking my butt.  Currently, I'm juggling being SRA, running an Etsy shop, being a full time student [and I only have 15 hours, but 4 communication classes is A LOT], going to counseling, sending out letters to raise money for a mission trip to Seattle, trying to manage my anxiety, being a 20 year old girl in 2014, and loving Jesus as best I can.  It's taken lots of coffee, lots of praying, lots of conversations, lots of lists, a couple episodes of New Girl, and lots of broken moments when I have to come to Jesus and realize how inadequate I am and how much I need Him.

I often want to make time to come here (even if that time is when I'm supposed to be listening to a lecture) because I'm a big, big advocate in speaking words to believe words.  I have to say things to help myself know things.

Jesus has taught me a lot in the last month.  I say often that He teaches me a lot, but it never slows down, ever.  He always has many things to reveal to me.  Lately, He's teaching me that He is so tenderly loving.  I know that God loves me and I believe that very well.  But lately, in the times of my chaos and my busyness and my stress, God has reminded me that He loves me sweetly.  It's more than love as a friend or love as a Creator, but love like a Father.  A love that reminds me that I can mess up and I'll still be accepted.  A love that can calm anxieties.  A love that comes from tight squeeze hugs and notes on napkins from friends and midnight thank you texts.  A love that is sweet enough to bring tears to my eyes, a love that is sweet enough to melt my heart when it gets hard and cold because I'm set in my own agenda and in my own world.

I often say that the Lord is sweet and that He is loving, but these days, my life has looked like combining those 2.  He is sweetly loving.  He is close and He orchestrates little things to bring big joy.  I'm not sure how to adequately describe it, but today, love looks like the little things.

To be honest, I'm exhausted.  I'm exhausted with any and all things.  I'm exhausted with class and with homework and with loving people when I don't wanna and with being stressed and anxious.  In spite of my tiredness, I'm reminding myself often that Jesus is very good.  And reminding myself often that He is very sweet to me.  And reminding myself that the character of Jesus matters more and means more than the mess I feel.

I know I say this often and maybe too much, but thank you for listening to my rambling.  I'd be lying if I said that your reading my blog doesn't matter to me.  What an honor it is for you to care enough to read the words I need to speak.  I'm thankful for you, faithful readers.  You have helped my heart immensely and I cannot say thank you enough times.

With my head high, bravery in my steps, and love overflowing from my heart, onward we go.