And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Therefore remember that at one time you Gentiles in the flesh, called “the uncircumcision” by what is called the circumcision, which is made in the flesh by hands— remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.
- [ E P H E S I A N S 2 ] -
Today, my goal was not to goof around on the internet, but to get lots of things done. But here I am blogging, so...
I am utterly overwhelmed today. I didn't think my heart could get as full as it is.
First, let me say that anxiety medicine rocks. My doctor said I wouldn't see changes within the first week, but it's been 4 days and these last days have been amazing. I know a lot of that has to do with Jesus and maybe the medicine is just mental, but really, I can't even explain the peace and okay-ness I feel. Seriously, I feel like I'm seeing the Lord clearly for the first time ever. It's been incredible to say the least.
Second, the truth that Jesus would come to save me wrecks me. Earlier this week, I shared my testimony and it was by no accident that I would share all that the Lord has done in my life one day and then celebrate three years of freedom and grace and love and kindness and gentleness and wisdom and sweetness 3 days later.
Three years ago, I got baptized. If I could sum up the last 3 years in any one word, it would faithfulness. Oh, that the Lord would seek me and come to me and pursue me and hold me and treasure me. That He would find me and stay with me, in my wrongs and in my attempted rights, in my good days and my bad days (and believe me, the bad days have been many), in my closeness to Him and in my distance from Him. That He would come to me and fight for me and love me more than I love myself.
I think the gospel hits me as hard and as strongly as it does because I understand that the Lord saved me from a lot and I promise I'm thankful for that, but for almost even more, I'm thankful that Jesus saved me from myself. He saved me from my anxiety and my worthless feelings and my hopelessness and my brokenness and my sin and my screwed up thinking. He saved me from Hell, yes, He saved me from living an empty life, but I am so dearly thankful that He saved me the train wreck that is myself. He saved me from the self destruction that I was pursuing.
Oh, that He would put a semicolon where I had firmly placed a period. That He would pursue me so faithfully, despite my downright rejection. That He would love me in spite of my rejection of Him. I will never, ever tire of thinking of these thoughts. I'm in wonder, marveled at the depth of His faithfulness, His love, and His kindness for me.
All of these things are to say that I can't handle God. I can't handle what's been done for me, I can't handle what's been given for me. Hallelujah, what a savior; hallelujah, what a friend. I can't handle it and I delight in that. The mystery of Christ is a very real thing and my heart is overwhelmed by it. Here's to the last three years and the forever that's to come. Jesus, You're the delight of my heart and thank You doesn't say enough.
Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Be Thou my wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.
Be Thou my battle shield, sword for the fight;
Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O Ruler of all.
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