before making the trek to Seattle, I wasn't sure of what words I needed to say. I was fighting everything in me naturally that was willing me to set expectations, so, by that, the Lord really just did his thing.
even now, it's hard to find the words to say. this last week was miraculous. our labors did not yet lead anyone to salvation, we did not increase the church number to 20 (about 13 up from the current member number), we did not heal the blind and give homes to the homeless. but within each of us, a tiny spark was lit as we loved and chased and pursued and gave grace and sought Jesus.
I'd like to tell the story of what we did without it being a story (because I think a post like that would be devastatingly boring).
when I first heard about this trip back in September, for whatever reason, I was hooked. $800 stood between me and Seattle and I was not ready or willing to let that keep me from getting there. from September to December (really, only September to October), I raised money. I sent out support letters, I made etsy coupons, I made custom pieces. And in 30 short days, I saw the Lord give me $800; then I saw him continue to give to me.
from there, I sat in meetings until it was time for us to go. I finished out my hardest semester of college, I picked myself up by my bootstraps, and I came out of a really dark season. on thursday (12/11/14), I woke up at 3am to ready myself for my 6am flight towards Seattle.
good morning, Greenville
good morning, Chicago
each day looked different and I'll spare you of the minute details, but here are the bigger things we did -
we prayer walked. I didn't know what "prayer walking" looked like and I was a little more than skeptical. but for us, it looked like walking the streets of California Avenue and praying for the people we passed, the small businesses we entered, the sin we blatantly saw, and the hearts of Seattle. it was quiet and it was sweet.
California Avenue
Bill and Cathy, the cutest Christian couple that we met while we were prayer walking.
we got to pray for them on the street and it rocked so much.
we attended church. I use the term "church" loosely because this "church" looks a lot differently to me than it did in Seattle. the whole trip was partnered with the Hallows, a missional-based community [church] based out of Fremont, Seattle. the Hallows will soon join with a dying church to create an expression of the Hallows in West Seattle. when we attended this "church" and when I say dying, I mean that there were 7 people there other than us. seven. with that seven, Josh led worship and we prayed for the church - for the leadership, for the Holy Spirit to come, for the decisions to be made, for the lives that will be touched.
we fed teens. Teen Feed is an organization that feeds homeless youths from the age of about 15-25 in the downtown Seattle area and we had the pleasure and honor of partnering with this organization as volunteers to make food and serve the homeless. the Teen Feed that we worked at is located in walking distance from the University of Washington. we saw about 50 homeless people come in to be fed and my heart broke. over and over and over again, I had to tell myself to pull it together. I had to remind myself to not lose it. I was mad that their parents weren't around, I was mad that their aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents and distant relatives hadn't cared for them more. my heart wept for the fatherless and motherless. I was mad at myself for the way I complain, I was mad at the community for not helping them more, and overwhelming, I was confused as to how God lets this happen.
all of those feelings were until we left. as we walked back up the alley towards our van, the homeless that we had served thanked us for our service. as we continued to walk, we saw one of the boys we had served, he was maybe 23, crouched by the ground, doing cocaine.
in that moment, I saw the realness of sin. my heart broke and my eyes teared up as I saw how rampant sin is. how conniving it is, how luxurious it is, how captivating it is, how entangling it is. my heart broke for this boy that fed his addiction. my heart broke for the season he is in, for the figurative cards he has been dealt. perhaps this was the most pivotal moment of the whole trip for me; in that moment, I saw how we're really not all that different. sure, I don't do cocaine and I've never touched a drug, but my lustful, greedy, selfish heart has its own little addictions and, like fire, I feed them.
we went to school. this was my favorite day. we went to BF Day School and served them. it is not a Christian school, but it is located just up the road from the Hallows' Fremont location. we raked leaves and leveled books and cleaned wood and played with kids at recess. I forgot how special children are. at k5 and 1st grade recess, Marissa and I played "grownups vs. kids" soccer which then turned to boys vs. girls soccer which then turned to just teams because all the boys switched to our team. it was fun and light and joyful and beautiful.
little boys are seriously crazy.
"girl's" team huddle-
"what's our game plan?" - me
"okay, one of you goes here, I need one here, and I need two here." - a 6 year old boy
we went 73 stories into the sky. we went into the Columbia Tower, a peak that overlooks all of Seattle. the pictures speak for it.
the Market is also home to the gum wall. disgusting and awesome.
I'm leaving out way too many details, but if I were to say it all, this post would never end. all in all, we rode a lot of places and drank a lot of coffee. we hung signs about a free Christmas dinner that the Hallows is hosting on Saturday. I ate lots of delicious food and met some of my greatest friends. we opened up and got vulnerable. we prayed a lot, we hugged a lot, we saw lots of cool views and lots of heartbreaking ones. a chunk of me is left in that place and I'm not sure I'll ever get it back. we played phrase party at night and shared the gospel by day. it was the hardest week and the greatest week. my heart wept for the teen that needs cocaine in an alley to get by. it wept for the society and culture that honors creation over Creator, the chase of status, for the broken, the lost, the drunk, the addicted, the confused, the hurt, the angry, and the defeated. my heart wept for those that think the fight is over and lost. I learned what yearning for the Lord, even in 4 years of seemingly silence, means. I learned how to pray and I learned how to weep.
Seattle, you were wild and beautiful and magical and overwhelming and filling and depressing and heartbreaking and hopeful and tragic and magnificent. my heart weeps and rejoices for you. see you again soon.
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