This post is different than (and very similar to, all at the
same time) my others and I apologize for that. I've been trying to avoid doing something like this, but I don’t think I
can anymore. Hopefully this will be my
last post of this sort. It’s been a long
year and I’m trying. I feel immature
doing this this way and maybe I am, but I don’t care what the opinion of me is
anymore. I didn't type this for
attention or pity; in fact, if you try to get me to talk about this post, I
probably will close up real quick (sorry).
There’s a lot that I need to say, both for myself and because maybe
someone needs to hear it, but here goes.
I can’t stress how important it is to date within your
realm. I know I've said it a million and
one times here before, but I’m desperately trying to save you from making the
mistake. Though I knew that I should
date within my own realm, I assumed that I could change a person to look like
what I needed them to look like. Now
that I’m out of the aftermath of that relationship, I see how foolish I was to
think that.
I always believed that you could change people. But you can’t. You really can’t. You can influence people, but at the end of
the day, people will go back to who they are and what they know. Some differences just can’t be looked past. That within itself should have been enough
reason to stop me, but at the time, it wasn't.
The two of us viewed life very differently.
I have a lot of love to give and that’s what my entire life
boils down to. My only intention is love
and love and love until I can’t love anymore.
So to try to make something happen between someone like me, the girl
that falls in love with a million new things a day, and someone that doesn't know how to love, it doesn't work. I
cared too much while this other person didn't care at all.
I guess that’s where things fell apart. Well, obviously not only here because there
were plenty of reasons for things to fall apart, but this was a big part of
it. It really wasn't all bad, I smiled a
lot. But when the good doesn't outweigh
the bad, you have a problem. And when
the bad is as bad as it was for me, you have a real problem. Cause you can’t force someone to care.
If there’s anything I wish someone would have told me, it
would be that you can’t carry others. It’s
not your job to sustain yourself and everyone else. The burdens of others are not your burdens
and you are not responsible for them.
You can’t fix everything, especially the things that have nothing to do
with you. At the end of the day, you’ll
be left empty and exhausted.
So to the One that didn't tell me Happy Birthday, you still
know more about me than anyone else, but that does not mean that you know me better than anyone else because if you
knew me better than anyone else, you wouldn't treat me the way that you
do. It took me ages to figure that out,
but I finally did. And with my chin up
and my head facing forward, my hand finally off that burner, I’m done with
you. I realize I’m late with that
because you've been over me for a while, but I always loved more than you
anyway.
To the One that didn't tell me Happy Birthday, I’m praying
for you. I always will be. I’ll always be here for you because months
and months ago, I promised you that, though this time around, I’ll be
protecting my heart. You made a promise
to me, too, and you haven’t come through on it, but I intend to show you that
I’m a girl of my word. It’s hard to
distinguish what was the truth and what was just being spoon-fed to me because
not everything was truth, you know? I’m
sorry that we went out the way we did, but it was not my fault and I refuse to
take the blame. My heart still breaks
for you because I've been where you are.
You can ignore reality for a while, but you can’t forever. And I can’t wait for it to catch up to you,
not because I’m being vengeful, but because I can’t wait for you to grow
up. You said you like how real I keep it
and to continue in that trend, I don’t regret any of these words. They might hurt you, but I doubt it because I
refuse to believe you care that much.
I can’t wait for you to regret this. Because when you do, I’ll be able to stand
firm and declare that I deserve better than you. After all, you don’t know what you've got
until it’s gone, right?
I should have said this all months ago, but better late than
never. My only regrets are letting you
get away with not being honest with me and me not saying all of this
sooner. I told you you hurt me a lot and
maybe now you’ll see.
To the One that didn't tell me Happy Birthday, since it’s
not longer me, treat her right. She
deserves it. You have a lot to offer,
but you need to be honest about where you lack.
Humble yourself and be kind.
To the lonely girl reading this, we’re waiting together; our
time will come, princess, I promise. We
have to just be ourselves and know that someday, a man is going to fall in love
with our awkwardness, our craziness, our weirdness, our beauty, our
individuality, our psycho tendencies, and the way we care way, way, way too
much (really, I don’t count that as a flaw. we’re beautiful). We’re waiting together for Mr. Right, not Mr.
I-Can-Try-To-Make-Him-Right. And until
Mr. Right comes knocking, we patiently wait, trusting in the Lord and soaking
all that He is. And when Mr. Right
arrives, we continue to patiently wait, trusting in the Lord and soaking in all
that He is.
To the girl confused by this post (you're not alone, I wrote
it and I am, too), love is hard.
Feelings are hard. Emotions are
hard. Boys are hard. So guard your heart. It’s not bad to love, but it’s bad to love
all the wrong things. You’ll learn the
difference, I promise. It took me a
while, but I think I’m finally getting the hang of it.
“You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic
people from your life. It doesn't matter
whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend,
or a new acquaintance—you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or
make you feel small. It’s one thing if a
person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores
your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.”
–Danielle Koepke
I can’t say thank you to y’all enough. Thanks for putting up with me. This wasn't meant to be a mean, vengeful
post, but I’m not too sorry if it came off that way because I was only being
honest. I am sorry if it comes off like
I think I’m perfect when I write these things because that’s far from the
truth. I just refuse to take all the
blame anymore. I know I’m exhausting,
but onward, we go. I love you guys more
than you’ll ever know!