Disobedience to God will always lead to my downfall.

It's weird and scary how God starts to address you, warn you, confront you, challenge you, and be patient with you all at the same time.  It's scary and settling to be convicted.  Lord knows (literally) I needed it.

It's funny how we chase things we shouldn't chase.  We try to pursue things that aren't for us to have.  I am so easily attracted to the unattainable.  Where there's a hint of Don't Try this Brenna, there's my head telling me to try it.  

I always try to convince myself that whatever bad thing I'm pursuing really isn't that bad.  I mean, maybe it's a little wrong, but God will forgive me and I'll learn from it.. right?

Disobedience to God will always lead to my downfall.  Slowly but surely, I'm learning.

It's been a long, long six months.  Full of heartache and happiness and love, but somehow it's been all wrong.  The love was even wrong.  It's dangerous to mix good and evil.  Pray for someone while pursuing them, knowing with every ounce of yourself that this is so not something you should pursue.  It's hard when God lets you get hurt.  I've played with a lot of fire to find out that I'll only ever get burned.

I'm learning that when I knowingly (and even intentionally, as scary as that is to realize that) step out of the Lord's protection, God is going to let me hurt.  You best believe there'll be tears and pain.  

I'm also learning that God is so, so, so patient and so, so forgiving.  Because I've been here before, I'm made this apology far too many times before.  And every single time God has been there with open arms to welcome me back Home.  

Why is sin so appealing?  Why did I ever believe that I knew what was best for my life?  WHY did I ever believe that that was God's best for me?

I'm struggling to rationalize some of my decisions lately.  I'm trying to come up with excuses and reasons why I did what I did, but ultimately it comes down to my so-prone-to-wander heart.  I play where I shouldn't.  I test waters that I should never test.  I even excuse myself for being foolish.

Thank God for forgiveness, grace, acceptance, and love.  I sure could not forgive anyone for betraying me over and over the way I've betrayed Him.  

I've got a lot of growing up to do.  I've got a lot of lessons to learn.  I've got a lot to pray about within myself.  I've got a lot of heartchecks that I desperately need to take.

Proverbs 27:17- As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Deuteronomy 31:8- The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Joshua 1:9- Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Psalm 23:4- Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 86:17- Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, Lord, have helped me and comforted me. 

Psalm 119:76- May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. 

Proverbs 3:24- When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. 

Isaiah 12:2- Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation. 
Isaiah 49:13- Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.


Prayer Time: God, thank you for forgiveness and for accepting me.  Thank you for loving me when I am so terribly unlovable.  Thank you for being patient with me and for never, ever giving up on me.  I pray that you would help me to walk on your path and to bring others to that path.  Thank you for all that you've done and all that you do for me.  I seriously don't deserve it.  I pray for that one soul that has been burdening my heart for the last six months.  It breaks my heart because I've been where he is.  I was just where he is.  I pray that you would change his heart in a way that only You can.  I pray that you would help me to be a light to him, but also help me to resist the path that I shouldn't go down with him.  Thank you, God, for being so much more able that I am.  In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Queen of Second Chances?

Hahahah, seriously.  I learn SO much about myself everyday   It's always some little (HUGE) revelation about myself that surprises me and brings me here.  Thanks for tracking with me.

It's recently been brought to my attention that some people believe they don't deserve me.  Now, that's a whole other post because seriously, people don't know me well enough.  I'm the farthest from perfect as it gets and I encourage anyone that doubts that to stick around with me for a little while longer.  But anyway, 

I'm not even sure how to word this post.  In class, we've been learning about conversion and about the faith that walks alongside conversion.  So obviously we've talked about grace.  

I was a sinner.  I was dead with no hope.  But Jesus came and saved me and because of Him, I'm alive.  I had no hope, but Jesus is my hope.  I was a dead body, but now I have life.  Jesus did for me what I could never do for myself.  In His power, He saved me.

That's grace.  That's the gospel.  That's the unfailing love of Risen King that is interceeding for us because He has redeemed us.  That's hope, that's future, that's rest, and that's life.  

I've been facing some stuff lately where I've been asking myself why I put up with certain things and certain people.  Outwardly (like my sinful self usually is), I'm cold to this.  "Don't mess with me cause I'll drop you." "I don't have time for that." "I don't have time to put up with that."  

But in actuality, there's a conflict.  Though I say those things, I don't believe those things.  

Hm. I can't be deemed perfect because I'm the Queen of Second Chances.  I can't be deemed perfect because I put up with more than others.  That's what being a Christian is all about.

I've always considered myself to be one that is not easily forgiving, one that doesn't trust easily, one that doesn't give out do-overs.  But the more and more that I learn about Jesus and about really being a "Christian", the more I learn about how twisted that is.  

Jesus forgave me.  Jesus trusted in me when I so unworthy of anyone's trust, definitely not the King of kings.  Jesus gives me do-overs, moment after moment after moment.  So how can I call myself a "Christian" if I don't agree with what Christ did for me?

It's hard to put this into words because it's very convicting for me.  By me not doing what Jesus did for me, I'm saying that I'm above that, that I'm better than that.  That even though Jesus forgave ME and gave His life for ME when I had no hope and no power, I don't owe that to anyone else because somehow I'm better than that.

That's my pride.  Maybe I don't sin in the way the world would view it, but my pride is what should lead me to the grave.  My pride is convincing me that I don't owe anything to anyone, even if I call myself a Christian.

Sounds ridiculous, right?  I encourage you to take a look at yourself and see where your pride is too big.  I find it more and more in my life everyday and I HATE it.  

It's a harsh, harsh reality.  What am I doing with myself if I don't really follow Christ's examples?  How can I call myself a Christian if I put myself above Christ?

Give second chances because Jesus gave you the second chance. Forgive because Jesus forgave you on a cross when you were so unforgivable.  Be kind and compassionate because this is how the Father loves you.  Be graceful because it is by grace alone that you have been saved.  

Micah 7:18-19-Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

Mark 11:25-And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Matthew 26:28-This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

Ephesians 2:1-10-As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. 

Micah 6:8-He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

2 Corinthians 5:17-Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
1 John 1:9-If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Prayer Time: God, I thank you for the work that you're doing in my life.  I pray that you would strip me of my pride, God.  The glory is Yours and not my own.  Thank you for second chances, for forgiveness, and for loving me when I am so terribly unlovable.  Thank you for your kindness and your compassion.  Thank you for grace, God.  Thank you for calling me Yours and for making me righteous through Your Son.  I pray that you would strengthen me to forgive those that for hurt me and to help me love those when I deem them as unlovable.  Thank you for the cross and for Jesus.  I pray that we, as Christians, would hold firm to the example that You have given us through Your Son.  I pray that we would let that be our motivation, our hope, and our only desire.  To You be the glory.  In Your Son's name I pray, amen.

Sorry this is all over the place, welcome to my mind!

Happy Heart

It always surprises me how differently I think now than I did before.  Like I'm not sure when or how or why exactly it all happened, but I look back, I'm so much more mature everyday than I was the day before.

I'm learning over and over what "happy" really is.  I always thought that I could arrive safely at Happy, where it'd be all smiles with a different kind of joy in my heart.  Quite frankly, I was believing that "Happy" was the place where I'd be married with kids and a big house and two dogs and all I'd have to do is love.

But that's not "Happy" at all.  Happy is what you make of it.  

I haven't perfected the art of that yet, but it's a beautiful, beautiful thing to be content.  Blissfully content.  Though things aren't perfect, there's a joy in my heart because I know it's all going to fall into place.  Somehow.  Some way.  My soul is at peace because for some reason, it's gonna be fine.

Even when things are rough and things aren't at all perfect, there's a certain kind of rest that comes from knowing Jesus.  Rest in who He is and who He says you are.

Your identity to Him is a beautiful thing.  He could never adore you more.  It's hard to glimpse that kind of love and worry about anything at all.  God is all over everything because He gave up His everything to give you everything.  How could He not work in all things?

That's content.  That's joy.  That's that little smile that you can't get rid of.

Psalms 5:11-12-But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exult in you. For you bless the righteous, O LORD; you cover him with favor as with a shield.

Psalms 47:1-Clap your hands, all peoples! Shout to God with loud songs of joy!

Psalms 96:11-13-Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice; let the sea roar, and all that fills it; let the field exult, and everything in it! Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy before the LORD, for he comes, for he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples in his faithfulness.