Jesus reminded me.

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. [Ephesians 5:1-2]

hi. I didn't think I would be back to the blog before I moved, but here I am.

I'm laying in bed and I can't resist the ranting: my heart is so full. It's been quite a few days since I've felt full like I do now. But sometimes, when the confetti settles, the Lord speaks the loudest.

There are only a few times in my life where I've ever "felt" the Lord speak to me. But now, after my last shift for the summer at Chili's, after a long and exhausting day, after going to get milk and toilet paper at 10:30pm, after making my to-do list for tomorrow, Jesus has burdened my heart with reminding me of who I am and who He is.

I am loved. I am courageous. I am strong enough. I am capable. I am loving. I am worthy of love. I am treasured. I am necessary. I am worth more than gold, I am irreplaceable. I have much value. I am brave. I am not perfect, but He is. I am not good enough, but He makes me be. I am lost without Him and He guides me home. He is not done with me and my best days are yet to come. He works on, through, and with me for His glory. He uses me. He calls me His.

Those truths make my heart overflow. To be honest, I haven't felt like myself lately. I've felt different and I've felt very confused about how to get back to who I was. But Jesus reminds me that all my efforts are in vain. That this season is HIS season and He will do with it what He pleases.

This is a season of love. He wraps me up and treasures me, worth more than rubies. This is a season of courage and stepping up to the edge, only to find that the only way across is down. Down before Him, down before His grace and His goodness and His love. Down on my knees until He is done. This is a season of change and so much beauty. This season is perfectly knit and perfectly orchestrated to be one of wonder.

And I get to watch. I get to play in this mess of life. I get to have grace and love and peace and joy, unspeakable joy. Me, the little dot, the one that feels so worthless and broken and empty sometimes. He chose me. He called me. And He has a plan for me.

If I learned anything this summer, it's that the Lord is good. And even when He doesn't seem so good, He is good. His goodness does not run low and His depth reaches deep enough to even the most broken ones.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. [1 Peter 5:10]

He is good, He is good, He is good.

"may we never lose our wonder. may we never lose our wonder. wide-eyed and mystified, may we be just like a child, staring at the beauty of our king."