happiness has looked a lot different lately.

happiness has a looked a lot different lately.

happiness has looked like 11 expectant, eager, frightened faces looking at me and asking what they can do to help, while I try to figure out what they can do to help.
happiness has looked like changing the radio when that song comes on because it isn't healthy for me to listen to that now.
happiness has looked like unpacking and going and moving and learning and lots of praying.
happiness has looked like meeting new people and loving them a whole lot.
happiness has looked like leading a devotional in front of 45 people.
happiness has looked like late night milkshakes and Mrs. Doubtfire and making posters and crying because you're overwhelmed and smiling because you're so happy and laughing because everything is a lot and you're not really sure what else to do.

happiness has looked like Isaiah 43:19 and the Lord restoring my heart.

When I prayed about the word "restore" back in January, I assumed that it meant that the Lord would restore my relationships with friends (good and bad), my family, my hopes and dreams, and my wants and the things I think I "need".  But His restoring has looked a lot more like restoring my heart for Him.  I assumed He would be fixing those around me and the things around me, but it has really been Him fixing me.

I tell you what, the last 8 months have been a wild ride.  It's been fun and sad and happy and hard and heartbreaking and tiring and eye opening.  The Lord has created things and taken things and fixed things and challenged me with things and made my heart hurt a lot, but He has been so sweet to me.

Blessings absolutely come when we follow the Lord faithfully.  I've said that for years.  But I think I can add "and recklessly" to that now.  Blessings come when we follow the Lord faithfully and recklessly [inconveniently, without hesitation, without regard to our own gain or purpose].

I'm thankful that Jesus has my best interest in store.  I'm thankful that He is good, good, good and that that goodness does not waver.  I'm thankful that my definition of happiness isn't His definition of happiness.

He blows away any expectations that we have and we grow through this role, through being His, more than we could have bargained for.  Because even when things seem to go less than “as planned”, He works for our good. And He is good.