It's only January 19th? BUT I FEEL LIKE I'VE CHANGED SO MUCH.

I knew this year was going to be a good thing; the only problem is that good thing is a big, big understatement.

We Glorify Your Name by Hillsong

Ephesians 3:20-21: "God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

     Glory to God in the church!
     Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus!
     Glory down all the generations!
     Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!"

I should have seen that coming.  Should have known that the Lord would do more work in me, through me, and around me than I could have ever dreamt of.

When I originally prayed for and received the word "restore" for 2014, I imagined that God would restore my relationships with friends and family, but I could have never anticipated the manifestation that He would take in my life.  

So maybe this post is more of a Thank You note to God, maybe more of a prayer journal, maybe more of an update on my life, but I think that's okay.  I hope somehow this encourages you and these words that I shoot out without much careful consideration will rest heavily (but happily) on your hearts. 

Self: I pretty much assumed that I had reached my cap.  That I loved myself as much as I ever would, that I was content with the person I was and was becoming, and that not much in me needed to change.  Apparently Jesus begged to differ.  Since I have drawn closer to the Lord in the 19 short days of 2014, God has done a healing work in me.  He's somehow wiped away all that nasty stuff that I was holding in my heart--past regrets, mistakes, Bad Ideas.  And since then, I have healthily fallen in love with myself.  I understand, and appreciate, the woman I am.  I know that I am nothing without Christ and I have no problem being honest about where I lack.  But in the same light, I have no problem boasting about what the Lord has done with me.  Jesus has rid me of some (let's be honest, it's a process) of the pride that I thought I would never be able to let go off.  And He's has helped me to forgive myself (which, if you've been following me for any amount of time, I think we all knew I needed a lot).  I'm very thankful for Jesus revealing to me my identity in Him: that I am loved, forgiven, cherished, precious, necessary, redeemed, restored, new, refreshing, beautiful, strong and strong enough.  

Thank you, God, that the glory is not my own.  Let my life be proof of you.  Let my heart sing your praises forever and ever.  Thank you that my worrying head and my anxiety don't identify me.  That I am not the tears I cry, the pounding heart I get when I don't understand why, or the need I feel to please others.  Thank you that I am found in You and You alone.

Friends: I always knew I had great friends, knew that you couldn't pay me enough money to trade them for anything, ever.  But it took me sobbing alone in my room and (literally) crying out to a friend to make me realize just how great they are.  They put up with my selfishness, my sinful thoughts, and the words that I shouldn't say.  And they deal with me when I can't deal with myself, which is fairly often.  That's love.  And no, it's not always perfect; in fact, a lot of days, I'm not even close to half the friend I should be to them.  But I'm thankful for forgiveness and patience.  To the greatest girls in the world, thank you.  Really, really, really, I could not make it without y'all.

Family: It's definitely no secret that I love my mom.  Absolutely adore her.  By far, the strongest, most compassionate, most loving, most forgiving person I will ever know.  Directly and indirectly, she points me closer to Jesus everyday.  For her, I'm more blessed than I deserve to be.  I'm also thankful for my dad.  I don't say that enough and more times than not, it feels like we're arguing, but I know that he wants the best for me.  His intentions don't always come off well to me, but I know that he loves me a lot and that he would do anything for me.  I'm thankful for parents that have raised me to be strong, grateful, and loving.  I'm thankful for what they instilled in me.  Thankful that they fight for me when I don't know what to do.  Grateful to call them friends and to have them as my biggest cheerleaders.  Thankful that they support me in my decisions, good and bad, and that they love me through it all.  

I'm thankful for my sister.  Thankful for the dear friend she is to me.  We fight like cats and dogs, but it's a pleasure to watch her grow and become her own person.  She accepts my controlling tendencies, my smart mouth, and the way I never seem to bring my own socks home (and expect to have hers).  We have a lot to learn, together, as individuals, as sisters, and about the world, but it's a honor to work beside her through it all.  

God: Thankful.  Thankful, thankful, thankful.  Thank you, God, that you're good and great.  Thank you for believing in me, even when it feels like no one does and no one should.  Thank you for grace and patience with me.  Thank you for fighting for me.  Thank you for granting me with heavenly things.  Thank you for a Home with you.  Thank you for identifying me in your eyes.  Thank you for shaping me into who you want me to be.  Thank you for your love because without it, I couldn't love strangers.  Thank you for the storms and the chaos because I know that you have greater things planned.  Thank you for a plan that so easily blows ours' away.  Thank you for mercy, God.  Thank you for patience.  Thank you that you're good and that you have good, sweet, perfect things for me.  Thank you in the happys and in the sads.  Thank you through the tears and thank you through the smiles.  Thank you for bringing my chaos back into order.  I praise you because I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Thank you for knowing me and for calling me friend.  



And thank you.  Thank you for reading my ramblings.  Though I don't know all of you by name, I'm thankful that you care enough about me or about yourself to read the words that I think need to be rambled and said.  Thank you for being kind and loving.  Thank you for having my back.  Love, love, love you guys.

Romans 11:33-36: "Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It’s way over our heads. We’ll never figure it out. Is there anyone around who can explain God? Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do? Anyone who has done him such a huge favor that God has to ask his advice? Everything comes from him; Everything happens through him; Everything ends up in him. Always glory! Always praise! Yes. Yes. Yes."

Guarding my heart, onward, we go.  The Lord has big, big things for us.