The Arms that Hold the Universe

Can I just start off by saying that God is SO GOOD?

So most of this post is a repeat of the one before because I'm just really good at doubting God.

I got off to a kind of rough start, mentally, with school. It was all fine until classes started and I started freaking out. I have a few Christian Studies classes and sitting there, I couldn't help but think "what the heck am I doing here?" Trying to answer questions, and failing, I was sure that I was in the wrong place, that there is no way that I'm supposed to really do this, that I'm not smart enough, good enough, or brave enough for this. It was intimidating and scary until God reminded me that He's still there.

Romans 12:12-Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Ephesians 3:20-21-Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 6:13-Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Romans 10:14-15-How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”

Isaiah 41:10-So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Everywhere I turned, there was something else to remind of God's presence. Church, BCM, Elevation Church online, notes from random people, random verses, verses of the day-God was all over EVERYTHING. I couldn't get away. And you know, it's reallllly hard to doubt God when He gets obnoxious with you.  

So, I guess it is a learning process. I can't go in expecting to know it all and have it be easy to me. A lot about Christian Studies is foreign to me, but I have God and He holds me. There's no reason to fear, no reason to want to hide, no reason to want to run from His plan. It is for HIS ultimate glory, not my own. And thank goodness the arms that hold the universe are holding me.

God is good.

Prayer Time: Thank you, God, for having a plan for me when I don't. Thank you for loving me through the doubt, for holding me through the skepticism. You are far too good. Amen.

Having An Open Mind

Proverbs 1:5- ...let the wise listen and add to their learning, 

and let the discerning get guidance...

 

I think I've learned more about having an open heart in the last half a week than I have in my whole life.

It's funny to me how whenever we decide to have an open heart with God and we decide that maybe we do just need to trust Him, He always performs. If I ever thought God was showing up before, when my heart was closed, guarded, and only I knew how it worked, I didn't know anything. God has shown up more since last Saturday (seriously?! It's only been four days?!) than I've ever realized in my life. 

It's weird to talk about this because God is always there.

Joshua 1:9- Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

God has made it clear that He is ever faithful and that He will reign. Looking back now, why was I ever so ignorant to doubt His presence? Why did I ever think that my plan was better than His place?

When we have open hearts, we welcome God. We let our minds be a place for Him to live, a place for His grace to reign, and a place for His glorious plan to unfold.

I'm learned to have an open heart to His will. Afterall, it is ten times better than my plan could ever be.

Classes start today. So I'm really trying to have an open heart. I know that if I do, God will show up, and what could be better than that?

Prayer Time: Dear God, thank you for this life. Thank you for sending Your Son to be murdered on a cross for my sins. Thank you for loving me and holding me, even though I doubt your will. I pray that I would have an open heart today to hear your will. I pray that this semester, I take heart in knowing that You are faithful, You are good, and that You adore me. I pray that I will be open to your will and that I will let it rule over my life. It's in your sweet name that I pray.

Little Dorm Post



Not one, but TWO Pathfinders packed and ready to be Anderson bound

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Roommates are great.
School is great.
People are great.
Anderson is home, without a doubt.
That's all.

my bed :)



and Savannah's bed above mine



and Amanda's bed

and mine and Savannah's desks and dresser.

Welcome Home, Brenna.

The Sectional Christian

Blog Playlist-These inspired my heart, so play these as you read:

• Forever Reign by Hillsong Live
• Overcome by Jeremy Camp



The Sectional Eater-a plate politely divided 

• Cornerstone by Hillsong Live

This past Sunday at NewSpring Church, my future church that I'll be attending in Anderson (this is where I try REALLY hard to contain my excitement), we talked about being sectional eaters. Sectional eaters

• eat their food, worst to best. Like start with the broccoli and end with the macaroni and cheese. It makes sense, like how we save dessert for last.

• cannot let their food touch. To describe it as Perry did, "if your honey mustard gets all up in your coleslaw, you can't sleep that night." 

Well, we have sectional eaters in the church as well. These people confine Jesus to one small part of their plate and try to contain Him there. Here, God, this is Yours. The rest is mine, though. Don't you come over here. I can't have Jesus all over my plate.

This is like the box concept, too. We try to place God in a box and put Him up on the shelf or slide Him under the bed, so we can keep Him there and pull Him out whenever we want or whenever we think we need Him.

God ALWAYS seems to get me, haha. Just when I think that the sermon isn't pointed directly at me, I stumble across the part of my life where it IS pointed straight at me.

I move to Anderson in two days and I don't know my roommates, my professors, what my degree will be in, even my class schedule or the dimensions of the dorm room that I'll call Home. So I have no choice but to place all that in God's Hands. I'm a Christian Studies major, so it's easy to give that part to God. He'll have to lead me 'cause, forreal, I'm clueless about what I'm doing with my life. With my roommates, my rooming didn't turn out at all how I originally wished. So here, too, it's easy to say that God is all over that. He gave me everything that I didn't ask for, so He must have a huge plan for that. My room is an exception to the original dimensions (WHY NOT?!), so it's different than the layouts online that say what it should be. I'm changing my schedule (hahaha, of course!) because I'm no longer a Business major. 

So, with just about everything, I'm confused. I don't know anything so it's easy to put that in God's Hands because I have no control.

Control. This is where I have a problem.

This is where I confine God to that one, little section of my plate.God, you are here and here and here, but I need control. You can't have it ALL. That's too scary, I need my control.

What in the world am I thinking? How easily I forget the One that holds my today, my yesterday, my tomorrow, my whole world, my whole future, my whole everything.

I'm anxious and scared and nervous. Why am I stuck on believing that God will leave me stranded when He is leading me EVERY OTHER WAY? It's like a language barrier. I'm not putting the two together, even though it's all God and all His. Why am I anxious when the King of kings and Lord of lords is declaring my future? Why do I need control? Why do I need to be nervous?

God simply would not ever lead me in the wrong direction. That's not Him, that's not what He does. He came so that I may have LIFE and have it to the FULL (John 10:10).

So, Brenna, fear not. God holds, not only your rooming, your schedule, your major, your professors, but He holds it all. He has everything. He's got you covered, don't worry. He is going to lead you down the path for His ultimate glory. And seriously, though, what could be better than that?

Jeremiah 29:11-"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Isaiah 40:31-but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. 

Prayer Time: Dear sweet God, thank You for always holding me. You never leave me even when I don't give you all my trust and control. You never forsake me, so I can trust in You. I pray that I always remember that You have the ultimate control, no matter how hard I try to have it. Thank You for your forgiveness and your mercy that You are pouring out on me. I praise You and love You and thank You for being with me as I'm about to move to Anderson. You are good and I pray that I always be reminded of that. For it's in Your name I pray.

Matthew 6:33-But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Psalm 119:105-Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.

The Sold Out Eater-a joyful plate filled high and wide

Godly Humility vs. Low Self-Esteem

Just when I start worrying that I have nothing to blog about!
I need to take a moment first to do nothing to thank God for all the He is.

Sweet God, thank you for Your love. Thank you for sending your son to be murdered on a cross for my sins-for things I do knowingly, unknowingly, for things I've done, for things I'll do. Thank you for guiding me and leading me in a way to bring You the ultimate glory. Thank you for being good when I'm not good, thank you for being everlasting even when I bail on you. You are good when there's nothing good in me and I praise your holy and precious name for that. Thank you for holding me in Your hands. For Your glory and for Your kingdom, amen.

Now, to the story. You know when things are just kinda chill? Nothing's real bad, but nothing's real good (at least, in my human, distracted, worldly head). You're just kind of.. coasting. Well, I'm beginning to learn to not get too comfortable in the middle lane. This tends to be where God shakes things up.

So this text. Yeah, didn't see it coming at all. Forreal. God blindsighted me on that one. The person that texted me is the last person that I expected to ever get a text like this from.

We talked a little bit. And she apologized for texting me.. Who is she kidding!

This is my calling. This is my favorite time, ever, when I get to let His words speak rather than my own. This is such a beautiful time when I have no choice but to let Him speak. It's crazy how He uses ME, the joyful sinner, the one that ignores Him, the one that fails Him so much, to shine His light. Like. I can't be trusted with that. I'm not good enough for that, I'm not big enough for that.

And this is where it all ties back to A Heart Like His, the Beth Moore book I'm reading. I just read a part on this yesterday, FELL IN LOVE WITH IT, and I desperately need to be honest about it.

"How do we distinguish between godly humility and low self-esteem? Which did Saul display? One key lies in our focus. A person with godly humility looks to the Master. He or she neither exalts nor denigrates self, because to do either is to make self the center of our universe. When we're really serving Christ, our reputations and abilities simply cease to be so important.  We must decrease that He may increase. Saul exhibited the core sin of all self-centered people: he focused on himself. We need to recognize that lack of confidence does not equal humility. In fact, genuinely humble people have enormous confidence because it rests in a great God. Saul's self-centeredness eventually cost him dearly, as a self-focus always does."

A Heart Like His by Beth Moore

So call me Saul. As soon as I got the text, I focused on how I could mess this up. Brenna, you have to say everything perfectly because if you don't, she might get the wrong idea. I showed low self-esteem rather than godly humility because I should have been so reassured that God would speak through me that I would never have to worry about messing things up.

God doesn't mess things up.

That's definitely something I have to work on. Lucky for me, God intervened and spoke through me anyway. He always comes through. He is always faithful, even when I doubt Him. Praise Him for that.

So shine His light with reckless abandon. When we face situations that we might consider scary, we have to rest assured that God will shine and God will get the glory. Fear not, brothers and sisters, because God is with you ALWAYS. He knows what He's doing when you do not. Be reassured to that. Hollaback on that because GOD IS GOOD.

Prayer Time: Dear God, thank you for shining through me. I pray that I become more of a vessel to be used for Your glory. I pray that everything I do would be to Your glory. I pray that You help me and reassure me to come to be more assured in You. God, I know You have the power to save, and I pray that that shine through me in all ways, in all I do. Thank you for being good, even when I doubt you. Thank you for never leaving me, never failing me, never giving up on me. God, Your presence is Heaven to me. I praise You forever. It's in Your name that I pray.

Ephesians 6:10-20-Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

Little Princess

Okay, when I heard the news, I wasn't all that excited. Almost three years ago, Bryant's girlfriend was pregnant with what would be my niece. I mean, a baby, yeah, that's always kind of exciting.

I was so not prepared for this.

This is us, nearly three years later. She's two. And when I say that she has me wrapped around her tiny little fingers, I wish I was lying.

I never had an desire to be that aunt. That aunt that was constantly showing off iPhone pictures of the niece, telling little stories that no one else really gets until they see her (and even then, it's still kind of weird), always kissing the little baby, showing way too much affection. I just assumed these people were crazy and annoying - why would I want to be that?

Then Madison came along. And it all made sense.

From the constant messy marks on her mouth from her "si" (pacifier), to the way she walks around on her toes, to the worried way she tells you that something scared her, I love every inch of this baby. If I ever thought I loved anything before, I was sadly mistaken. She has taken love to a complete new level.

I adore her. I need her kisses and her love like something I can't explain. I miss her as soon as she's gone and run to her as soon as she's here.

It's hard for me to even understand loving anything more.

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So, of course, like everything else in life, this makes me think. How in the world can I love a little baby so much THAT ISN'T EVEN MINE?! She's not even close to being mine! But with every opportunity I can, I'm posting pictures with "guess what princess is mine for the night?!" captions. I have this need to call her mine, to possess her. I don't want babies yet, Lord, have mercy, but she's too much to pass up. She has to be mine. Does that make sense? Maybe I just sound crazy..

Anyway. If I want to call Madison mine, want to love on her all I can, want to protect her, do anything for her, how does this compare to God's love for me? The Word tells us over and over that we cannot understand the Father's love, that is goes far beyond any love we have.

And this is where I start screaming HOW CAN THAT BE.

That's impossible. It's absurd. It just simply cannot be true. There is no way.

1 John 4:9-10-This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Oh yeah. That. So maybe it is true. God really does love us more than we can imagine. Looking at what He has done for us, it's clear. I can't fathom it. If anyone ever asked me to give up Madison for the sake of the sins of the world, I'd look at them like they were asking the most ridiculous task ever. and she isn't even my own child.

In this light, on the Thursday morning, it's hard to ever remember why I've doubted God. I want the absolute best for Madison, God wants the best for me x10. So why would He ever lead me the wrong way, leave me, forget me, ignore me?

He wouldn't. Plain and simple. And I don't know about you, but that is the most reassuring news I've heard all year.

He simply wouldn't do that to me.

Romans 8:31-39-

So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:
They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Prayer Time: God, thank You for Your unending love. Thank You for loving the unlovable, for never shaking the foundation of Your love. You give us far more than we deserve and I pray that we even try to understand that. Thank You for what You sent Your Son to do on the cross to save us, God, we can't even begin to understand a sacrifice like that. Thank You for looking upon us in adoration and calling us 'Yours'. Thank You for Your blessings that You pour out on us, just to show Your love for us. I pray that we never forget the love You have for us. For it's in Your holy and precious name we pray.

Zephaniah 3:17-Your God is present among you, a strong Warrior there to save you. Happy to have you back, He'll calm you with His love and delight you with His songs.



You know that creepy sort of feeling you get when you know God is messing with you?

Story. Of. My. Life.

Anderson University was it from that first visit last October. I knew without a doubt that God was telling me "Here, Brenna. This is it. No questions asked. Come on." I mean, I sat in on a class that weekend and we prayed before class started. PRAYED FOR GOD TO GIVE THE STUDENTS KNOWLEDGE.
God might as well have had it on a huge billboard, flashing lights and everything, put it in my front yard, and sat me down in front of it.

But then things started to change. The best friend changed her mind about Anderson being her home, too, Anderson got really expensive really fast, rooming got really complicated real quick-like, and things, slowly but surely, seemed to slide downhill.

I never questioned it being home. Duh. That's a given. God just made it clear that it wasn't going to be handed to me like everything else. I guess He finally got tired of me taking Him for granted, I mean, who does He think He is?

Anyway. I move next Saturday, August 18th. I'll meet my three roommates, six suitemates then. I'll pick up my iPad Monday. Start classes Wednesday or something, I think.
This is when Panicked Brenna rears her wild, frantic, ratchet head. There is so much going on right now that I'm finding it hard to even keep a hold on who I am. SO much change is coming and I'm about to have a lot of choices to make.

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Today, I ran into my youth pastor and his wife at lunch. They, casually, as if it was no big deal, told me that her sister works at NewSpring Church in Anderson. I've only been one time, but LET ME TELL YOU. That church is something crazy, beautiful, awesome. I've been so excited to go for months now and I can't wait to call it my new church home in a few short weeks!

Over this past summer, I've changed my major to Christian Studies. I visited NewSpring Church and it just clicked: this church is it. I loved it. No questions asked. It was kind of like the decision, well, God's decision for me, to go to Anderson-that's just it. No other option.
Over this past summer, I've also casually considered trying to intern there sometime over the next four years. I mean, how cool would that be?! It was just an errant thought, nothing more, really. Just hey, that'd be kinda cool.

Then God does this to me. Haha, it really is funny. I have to laugh myself. God seems to always put this little ideas in my head and then tell me later that they're maybe really not that little.. that actually they're His will for me.

Maybe I'm overanalyzing things. I'm known for that. But I wouldn't feel tugged if it wasn't anything.. right? Maybe God really is just messing with me. Or maybe God is calling me.
I don't know. I never know, what's new?

I just really don't know what I'm doing, hence the ranting and raving and rambling. I don't know my major (though I may be starting to get an idea?! What?!), I don't know what I want to do with my life, and I'm becoming increasing skeptical about things. So it's all in His hands. I don't have a choice. I'm so lost that I'm pretty sure GPS couldn't even find me.

Prayer Time: Dear God, thank You for loving me, when I trust you and when I don't. Thank You for the blessings that You're pouring out onto my life. Thank You for these reassuring little things that tell me that You're here and that it really is all in Your hands. So, God, let's go. You lead the way because clearly, I ain't good at it. I pray that I not only speak this, God, but that I genuinely live out Your will and that I genuinely chase You with radical abandonment. I pray that You shine brighter than my own self in me so that I can live for Your glory. God, it's all for you. Take these hands and use them.

Proverbs 16:1- We can make our own plans, but the LORD gives the right answer.