Times get heavy.

"Do you trust me?"
"Yeah."
"Do you trust the Lord?"
"Yes."
"Then it's going to be okay.  I told you because I trust that you can handle it."

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Home has gotten significantly better since the last time I pouted about being here.  Life is 100% about the perspective that you choose to take.  My unhappy times were a direct result of my poor perspective. But even with the recent improvement, things still can get rough.

Good things, bad things, not-so-fortunate things.  I'm thankful that Jesus works in all things and that the mess I find myself in isn't the end.

Lately, I seem to have found myself in some really foreign mess -- some mess that I wouldn't have chosen, but I'm forced now to deal with.  And it's been shitty.  I'm not one for language, but I am one for honest and that's really what it's been.

I tell you what, being emotionally exhausted is a very real thing.  It comes quick and hard.  With that exhaustion, I'm trying really hard to have a good perspective.  It's proving to be hard.  It's hard when you feel like you can't be yourself because you're already unapproved of, you know?

Jesus is good and people are bad.  That's a pretty big statement.  I don't believe all people are bad, but some people are.  People are sinful and they make mistakes and they get things wrong.  The weight of that is really heavy on me these days.  And it seems like no matter how many steps I falsely move forward, I take a handful back and I'm back to where I started, if not worse off.

I understand that all that is really vague.  Maybe one day I can tell all the stories and we can laugh and be joyful that the times are over.

I'm not really sure what this summer holds for me.  Actually, I'm not sure at all.  If you asked me, my answer would be that I'll be home and that I'll be working some.  I think both of those are true.  As for anything else, I can't offer much of an answer.

I'm not sure I accomplished anything through this post, haha.  I'm not sure I ever really do.  There's a lot on my head and a lot on my heart.  I've found myself with tears in my eyes more than I would like.  In the midst of that, I've also smiled a lot.  I've fallen back in love with some simple things, like when people mess up the lyrics and when the sun shines too bright and when someone hugs me really tight.  Times are heavy and they can wear you down and build you up.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." - Psalm 23

Times get heavy, but I'll chant that over myself until times get light.