Isaiah 43:19

"The first fall of snow is not only an event.  It is a magical event.  You go to bed in one kind of world and wake up in another quite different, and if this is not enchantment, then where is it to be found?" - J.B. Priestley

Sometimes

Your 20's are for change, right?  Like doing big things and having fun and being so fabulous.  I'm almost 20 and apparently, my head decided to go ahead and get started on said changing things...

A year ago, I was a ministry major.  Since then, I've ventured into the world of Elementary Education.  Up until three or four days ago, I was still there.

For the 5th and final time, I have changed my major yet again.  

I can basically hear your sigh and feel your eye rolling from here.  Don't think that this change just because.  It's not because I got bored with one thing and needed to create something new.  It's not because I want to stay in college forever, though I have named myself the #permanentcollegestudent.  It's not because I hate children.  But I changed my major to Communications because I needed to for me.

It's no secret that I love to write and read and see beautiful things.  I have always avoided things like majoring in English or Journalism because I have this thing where I can't get over the salary I would make, even though I know that I would be so, so happy.  Communications is sort of a happy medium for that.  Hopefully (fingers crossed) I'll have some decent income and I have little to no fear that I will be happy.

The Lord had been slowly nudging me with the idea.  I just couldn't handle Education classes anymore (that sounds cowardly, but try to hear me out).  It just wasn't for me.  Even when I picked it, I said that I wasn't sure that it was what the Lord had for me.  Since then, I have decided that it is, indeed, not what the Lord has for me.  I didn't have a passion about it and if I have learned anything in college - from relationships to majors to jobs -- it's that you can't call yourself to anything, that it has to be Jesus that calls you.  

I still have yet to get it all figured out.  Maybe I'll do some PR work somewhere, like for a non-profit because that would be SO fun.  Maybe I'll get into event planning.  Maybe I'll be an editor somewhere.  Maybe I'll write some books.  Maybe I'll stay at Anderson University forever and get a job here because *lawlz* that was one of the potential jobs I looked at that I could get with my new degree.  

The Lord is teaching me a lot these days.  And some days, I can't figure out which way is up.  But I'm thankful that the Lord restores and that He has sweet, sweet things for me.  I'm thankful that He corrects us in our mere contentment and calls us to be joyful (seriously, I've cried over how excited I am to be out of Education...).  I'm thankful that He still directs, even after I make a lot of wrong moves, and that He still calls me His.

I'm also thankful that changing my major actually sets me back on track and that I will graduate in the Spring of 2016, like I was originally supposed to.  How Jesus worked that one out, I still don't know.

And because I seem to stay busy too much lately, here are some things going on in my little 19 year old life right now (and also a to-do list of random thangs):

• reading The Fault in Our Stars.  OMG, go read before the movie comes out in June, only $7.99 on iBooks.  Trailer: The Fault In Our Stars
• applying and awaiting decision on becoming SRA (senior resident advisor) next year.  That would mean that I'm under my RD but over the staff in my dorm area (12 people).  No pressure.......
• changing my major.  Obvi.  But I haven't met with the Communications dean or anything yet, whoooops..
• missing home.  Per usual.
• loving people more and more.  I don't mean that to boast or anything, that I'm doing better than anyone else by loving those around me more.  I just genuinely love them.  I'm so, so thankful for the people around me.
• not working.  In case anyone didn't know, I quit my job.  Welcome to the unemployed life, also no pressure......
• recording prayers in a prayer journal.  BEST THERAPY EVER.
• doing all things fun.  I used to decline some invitations to do things, because I was tired or busy or too busy being introverted.  But lately, I've said yes to a lot.  And it's been really, really fun.

"Your 20's are your selfish years.  Old enough to make the right decisions and young enough to make the wrong ones.  Be selfish with your time -- travel, explore, fall in and out of love, be ridiculous and silly, stupid and wild.  Be 20something."

"For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already begun!  Do you not see it?  I will make a pathway through the wilderness.  I will create rivers in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43:19

Oh, PS: I took a quiz on BuzzFeed last night, "What Career Should You Actually Have?"  And my results... 

You got: Writer

You are a maker. Creative from the day you were born, you spend most of your time thinking about the world you live in. You are open to new ideas and value beauty and originality more than most. We both know you’re not really the office type, so give yourself some room to create. Other occupations: director, producer, advertiser.

It's only January 19th? BUT I FEEL LIKE I'VE CHANGED SO MUCH.

I knew this year was going to be a good thing; the only problem is that good thing is a big, big understatement.

We Glorify Your Name by Hillsong

Ephesians 3:20-21: "God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

     Glory to God in the church!
     Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus!
     Glory down all the generations!
     Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!"

I should have seen that coming.  Should have known that the Lord would do more work in me, through me, and around me than I could have ever dreamt of.

When I originally prayed for and received the word "restore" for 2014, I imagined that God would restore my relationships with friends and family, but I could have never anticipated the manifestation that He would take in my life.  

So maybe this post is more of a Thank You note to God, maybe more of a prayer journal, maybe more of an update on my life, but I think that's okay.  I hope somehow this encourages you and these words that I shoot out without much careful consideration will rest heavily (but happily) on your hearts. 

Self: I pretty much assumed that I had reached my cap.  That I loved myself as much as I ever would, that I was content with the person I was and was becoming, and that not much in me needed to change.  Apparently Jesus begged to differ.  Since I have drawn closer to the Lord in the 19 short days of 2014, God has done a healing work in me.  He's somehow wiped away all that nasty stuff that I was holding in my heart--past regrets, mistakes, Bad Ideas.  And since then, I have healthily fallen in love with myself.  I understand, and appreciate, the woman I am.  I know that I am nothing without Christ and I have no problem being honest about where I lack.  But in the same light, I have no problem boasting about what the Lord has done with me.  Jesus has rid me of some (let's be honest, it's a process) of the pride that I thought I would never be able to let go off.  And He's has helped me to forgive myself (which, if you've been following me for any amount of time, I think we all knew I needed a lot).  I'm very thankful for Jesus revealing to me my identity in Him: that I am loved, forgiven, cherished, precious, necessary, redeemed, restored, new, refreshing, beautiful, strong and strong enough.  

Thank you, God, that the glory is not my own.  Let my life be proof of you.  Let my heart sing your praises forever and ever.  Thank you that my worrying head and my anxiety don't identify me.  That I am not the tears I cry, the pounding heart I get when I don't understand why, or the need I feel to please others.  Thank you that I am found in You and You alone.

Friends: I always knew I had great friends, knew that you couldn't pay me enough money to trade them for anything, ever.  But it took me sobbing alone in my room and (literally) crying out to a friend to make me realize just how great they are.  They put up with my selfishness, my sinful thoughts, and the words that I shouldn't say.  And they deal with me when I can't deal with myself, which is fairly often.  That's love.  And no, it's not always perfect; in fact, a lot of days, I'm not even close to half the friend I should be to them.  But I'm thankful for forgiveness and patience.  To the greatest girls in the world, thank you.  Really, really, really, I could not make it without y'all.

Family: It's definitely no secret that I love my mom.  Absolutely adore her.  By far, the strongest, most compassionate, most loving, most forgiving person I will ever know.  Directly and indirectly, she points me closer to Jesus everyday.  For her, I'm more blessed than I deserve to be.  I'm also thankful for my dad.  I don't say that enough and more times than not, it feels like we're arguing, but I know that he wants the best for me.  His intentions don't always come off well to me, but I know that he loves me a lot and that he would do anything for me.  I'm thankful for parents that have raised me to be strong, grateful, and loving.  I'm thankful for what they instilled in me.  Thankful that they fight for me when I don't know what to do.  Grateful to call them friends and to have them as my biggest cheerleaders.  Thankful that they support me in my decisions, good and bad, and that they love me through it all.  

I'm thankful for my sister.  Thankful for the dear friend she is to me.  We fight like cats and dogs, but it's a pleasure to watch her grow and become her own person.  She accepts my controlling tendencies, my smart mouth, and the way I never seem to bring my own socks home (and expect to have hers).  We have a lot to learn, together, as individuals, as sisters, and about the world, but it's a honor to work beside her through it all.  

God: Thankful.  Thankful, thankful, thankful.  Thank you, God, that you're good and great.  Thank you for believing in me, even when it feels like no one does and no one should.  Thank you for grace and patience with me.  Thank you for fighting for me.  Thank you for granting me with heavenly things.  Thank you for a Home with you.  Thank you for identifying me in your eyes.  Thank you for shaping me into who you want me to be.  Thank you for your love because without it, I couldn't love strangers.  Thank you for the storms and the chaos because I know that you have greater things planned.  Thank you for a plan that so easily blows ours' away.  Thank you for mercy, God.  Thank you for patience.  Thank you that you're good and that you have good, sweet, perfect things for me.  Thank you in the happys and in the sads.  Thank you through the tears and thank you through the smiles.  Thank you for bringing my chaos back into order.  I praise you because I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Thank you for knowing me and for calling me friend.  



And thank you.  Thank you for reading my ramblings.  Though I don't know all of you by name, I'm thankful that you care enough about me or about yourself to read the words that I think need to be rambled and said.  Thank you for being kind and loving.  Thank you for having my back.  Love, love, love you guys.

Romans 11:33-36: "Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It’s way over our heads. We’ll never figure it out. Is there anyone around who can explain God? Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do? Anyone who has done him such a huge favor that God has to ask his advice? Everything comes from him; Everything happens through him; Everything ends up in him. Always glory! Always praise! Yes. Yes. Yes."

Guarding my heart, onward, we go.  The Lord has big, big things for us.

A Little Late New Years Toast

Before the Throne by Shane and Shane [I hate corny videos, but this song is seriously too good.]

"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! 

Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. 

I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." 

Isaiah 43:19

I've been trying to formulate some type of creative, interesting 2014 post.  Any blogger worth anything should be able to come up with some words in honor of a new year, right?  Apparently not this one.  I was struggling, which was a little foreign.  I only ever write when I feel like I need to, when I'm desperate to pour it all out, so trying to force a post out of myself didn't seem so spot on, but I figured 2014 would be enough of a reason for me to come up with a little something.

It's funny how Jesus will hold you back until you're ready.  It's no mystery that I've been somewhat far from the Lord for the last few months or so, seeing as I've barely mentioned Jesus recently.  Thank God that He doesn't give up on us so soon.  If God gave up on me, I'd sure be in a world of loss.

Anyway.  It wasn't until I reminded myself (READ: was reminded by others around me because I'm much too stubborn to remind myself of much of anything) who Jesus is that I felt comfortable enough to approach the throne.  When you run from God for a while, anything religious (i.e.: reading my Bible, going to church, even praying) can be a little intimidating.  And I was feeling a little lost at sea.  Not that that excuses me, but it is my reason.

We serve a big, big God.  A God of infinitely more.  A God that gave the whole world, just to know us.  A God that pays attention to the big and little things.  A God that hears our wordless cries.  A God that treasures His children.  A God that accomplishes.  A God that is successful.  A God that gives abundantly.  A God that keeps no record of rights or wrongs.  A God that fights for us.  A God that weeps as we weep and smiles as we smile.  A God that feels and moves and calls and corrects and burdens and tugs and weaves and fixes and heals and mends and restores.

That's it.  That little word.

restore

I've seen a few people make these New Years resolutions with just a word.  I wasn't sure what it was all about until I stumbled on a blog and then stumbled on another which led to stumbling on another which led to (and I'd like to point out that a series of stumbling is what my life has been for the last year, but I'm very grateful for this different kind of stumbling) stumbling upon oneword365.  If you haven't heard anything about the phenomenon yet, I encourage you to read and pray for a word.

I've said it before and I'll say it until my bitter heart is over it: 2013 was a rough year for me.  I mean, capital R-U-F-F, rough.  Emotionally, spiritually, quietly, and openly, I was in a bad place.  Since then, I've accredited myself with some time to heal.  Granted myself some space and some distance and some lonely nights spent quietly and some avoided thoughts and some selfish things (you gotta do what you gotta do).  But as much as I try/have tried/will try in the future because I have this really annoying, rebellious heart, I can't escape God for very long before I get really desperate.

Which is why my word for 2014 is restore.  Because no matter how hard I try, I'm unable to restore myself on my own.  No matter how many deep breaths I take, how many quiet evenings I make, or how many relationships I decide to forsake, I'm fully incapable of fixing all of me.  Thank God for that.  Thank God that someone else assumed the role for me.  Thank God that I don't have to fight all alone.  Thank God that I am chosen and dearly adored, cared for enough to be restored.  Thank God that He restores.

re·store [ri-stawr, -stohr]
verb (used with object), re·stored, re·stor·ing.

1. to bring back into existence, use, or the like; reestablish: to restore order.
2. to bring back to a former, original, or normal condition, as a building, statue, or painting.
3. to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor.
4. to put back to a former place, or to a former position, rank, etc.: to restore the king to his throne.
5. to give back; make return or restitution of (anything taken away or lost).

I'm asking, but trusting God to restore a lot of things in me, from family to relationships to my heart to my head to school to jobs to everywhere else that He can be squeezed in.

So cheers to it.  Cheers to new and fresh and rest and fabulousness.  Cheers to good things and bad things and praising God through all things.  Cheers to the restoring work that the King of all kings has set out to accomplish in me.  Cheers to healing.  Cheers to getting better.  Cheers to what's to come.  Cheers to restoration.  Cheers to 2014.

"After all, You are constant. After all, You are only good. After all, You are sovereign. Not for a moment will You forsake me, not for a moment will You forsake me."

2014: The Year of the Fabulous {Old Ways Won't Open New Doors}

"Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from your safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover."

2014.  She's finally here.

Long-awaited and long-anticipated, I was beyond thrilled to welcome 2014 in.  

2013 was a rough year for me.  It was long, hard, and trivial.  In the span of the year, I was happy, sad, depressed, anxious, stressed, content, feeling blessed, feeling not-so blessed, annoyed, and all around stretched.  I made more than a few mistakes and I did some things right.  I learned a lot, probably more than I would have liked to learn.  I met some people, re-met some, and forgot some others.  I have a few regrets (being much too patient with some people, chopping my hair off, not celebrating everyday more) and I have some prouder moments (getting a job, getting a 3.4 GPA, becoming the diva that I love).  But all-in-all, I don't think I would choose to do the year over again.

That's why Jesus is so good.  He gives us things like new years.  I'm not foolish enough to believe or say that I'll be a totally different person, solely because the world is another year older.  But I do know, and confidently say, that I have some changes to make and that I intend to make said changes to better myself.  Let's not call them "resolutions" because that sounds too weird for me.

Let's call them enhancements.  Being a lady and a diva is all about continually bettering yourself.  It's constantly thinking of ways to get better.  And with that said, I have more than a few enhancements to make.  But that's okay, cause life is about enhancements.

With that, here we go.  Boldly and confidently, we step into the Year of the Fabulous.  Embracing all things, we know, love, and trust that the Lord has big, big things for us.  I can't wait to share those big things and those not-so big things.  I hope you're as excited as I am.  

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness.  I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art--write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can.  And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself. - Neil Gaiman