I lost all my wisdom (thanks dentist, SATC, and the Downfall). *hairflip hairflip hairflip*

"It's all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit."

Gemini Horoscope for Monday, December 16, 2013: Okay, Gemini, you've put in a lot of thought on the problems you're facing.  You may feel alternately worried, frustrated, or anxious.  But it's time to stop all that.  You've done your fair share of feeling bad.  It's time to feel good.  It's time to get into the holiday spirit.  While this year may have had its share of ups and downs, the year ahead will be oh-so-much better.  So start thinking ahead with happy enthusiasm.  Start planning all the wonderful ways you will find joy as we get closer and closer to 2014.  Being happy is so much more fun that being worried, frustrated, and anxious.

I'm currently sitting in Atlanta Bread, chewing an egg and cheese croissant with my two front teeth.  I have on no makeup, I barely managed to brush my front eight teeth, and I have on the leggings that I wore yesterday... and the day before.  I'm also currently the definition of attractive; come and get it, boys.

For those of you who don't know (I've complained enough, so I don't even know how you wouldn't know), I had my four wisdom teeth extracted yesterday.  It was unlike what I thought it would be.  Three veins to get an IV (and if you know me at all, you know how much this was my favorite part.............) and I was out like a light.  I woke up halfway through the surgery to what felt like a chainsaw in my mouth.  Tears started pouring, not out of pain, but I don't know what they were about.  I just really wanted to go home.

I can give more gory details, but I'll spare those of you with weak stomachs.

Anyway.  I'm healing much better than I would have ever imagined.  My cheeks are barely swollen at the moment, though that part should peak tomorrow.  Medicine helps a lot.  And I can smile today, which is so, so important! 

Also, let me take a moment to brag on my wonderful, loving, best friend Mommy.  She's been waiting on me, hand and foot and teeth.  Bringing me endless bowls of ice cream, waking up at midnight, 3 am, and 6 am, just to tell me to take my medicine, despite my offer to set my own alarm.  She's watched movies with me, taken off of work for me, and made homemade chili for me (<3<3<3).  Grateful, grateful, grateful.  And so blessed by a great friend, mom, caretaker, parent, nurse, chef, cleaner, and woman.

Also grateful for sweet friends that send sweet texts and sweet snapchats. <3

Thanks, Monica. <3

And thank you, Ashley. <3

Being home is great.  It's chaotic and frustrating and I'm even more diva than usual, but I wouldn't trade that for anything.  

Another recent revelation I've had?  I've become anti-boy.
Literally, when I told a friend that yesterday, she asked if that was Brenna or my drugs speaking, haha.  I confidently her that it was the new and improved Brenna speaking--the Brenna that is learning more and more about herself everyday.  
No, I'm not a lesbian yet, the boys haven't pushed me to that yet (JK JK JK, NEVER. JUST A JOKE, DON'T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY, I'M ON OXYCODONE).  But really.  I think it's a combination of the Downfall of a Certain Person and watching so much Sex and the City.  I have no desire to be anywhere close to being in a relationship right now.  No desire at all.  And I don't feel lonely or heartbroken or upset or sad or depressed.  I just feel really good.  

I'm at a point in my life where I never saw myself being able to be.  I seriously love myself and love being happy more than ever before.  And I am not ready to share that love yet.  I'm not ready to share myself, how selfish is that?  I just want to be young and fabulous and diva and fun.  I want to have sleepovers and watch movies and enjoy my girlfriends, dang it.  

This all comes back to me falling in love with myself.  If you haven't managed that art yet, I recommend you try.  Someone (thank you, Summer. You motivate me to love myself more and more everyday) asked me a few weeks ago how I came to love myself and this was the only response I could make up:

"It is absolutely okay to not be (a size 2).  Really, look in the mirror, in panties and a bra, and think about the power within you.  You're smart and strong and you've been through a lot of shit.  And your body carries all that.  Our bodies are to be PRAISED.  It's just about being comfortable.  Your flaws are what make you.  Your ridiculousness makes you perfect.  The bad jokes you tell and the comments you shouldn't say out loud and the prayers you pray make you you.  And that's something to be praised.  It's beautiful.  I never understood loving myself until recently.  But it's key.  To everything in life.  To loving others, to appreciating others, to having grace, to praising God, to understanding where and what you've been saved from.  You have to, have to love yourself.  
I think it started with people regularly calling me Diva, really.  And then defining what I think makes me a "diva".  Diva can mean anything you want.  You just have to see yourself as worth it.  Soak in the gospel, the real gospel: God created a world and it was great, perfect.  Sinful man and woman messed it up.  God sent a king to fix it.  Sinful man killed the king, the king took the death for my sake.  To make me right.  Grace to save me.  Mercy to set me free.  And now, I'm free.  Free to be me.  Free to love.  That's the gospel.  I have to remind myself of it often.  And meditate on your flaws.  Meditate on the fact that you mess up a lot, BUT YOU'RE TRYING.  that's the key.  You try, even when you know you'll fail.  If you can't see the worth in that, try harder.  Humans are strong and powerful.  And loving yourself is all about loving, knowing, and praising the power within you.  And let me be the first to say it's not always easy.  But it's worth it.  And it does get easier.  Just remember what you deserve and what the King of the world thinks of you.  Remind yourself of that often."

"I do not trust people who don't love themselves and yet tell me, 'I love you.'  There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt." - Maya Angelou

So cheers to happy me and happy you.  Cheers to an even more fabulous you and I in 2014.  Cheers to 20 and to growing up and to loving people.  Cheers to loving a lot, a lot.  Cheers to being good, so good.  Cheers to happiness and youthfulness and doing what it needed and desire.  After all, you matter a lot. 

"Stuff your eyes with wonder.  Live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds.  See the world.  It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories." - Ray Bradbury

Also.  I finished with 3 As, 3 Bs in the semester from Hell, a 3.4 GPA. Thanks for the prayers.

Merry Christmas.  I hope it's sweet and happy and thankful.