We were just kids, with our hopes, with our dreams, with our faults

Kids by Saints of Valory

"Brenna, are you on duty tonight?"

I nod reluctantly, less than thrilled to sit in the lobby until midnight when there's no RSVP and after I just worked five hours at Old Navy.  

"Lucky for you, I'm baking cookies."

You know, as soon as you start to pout, Jesus just gotta step in and interrupt your whines, convict you of not counting your blessings.  Funny how that works.

This week has been good.  Better than good, great.  The best I've felt in a long time.  I almost wish I could say that I don't know why that is because I'm in denial or my recent and not so recent (a year ago) mistakes, but really, I know exactly why it is.  And you know what?  I'm okay with moving on.

Sometimes you need space, a lot of space.  From people.  People that remind you of the past that there is no way you're going back to, people that are the past that there is no way you're going back to.  People that damage you, people that are toxic to you.

This is precisely why, over the last two days or so, I've completed the entire first season (12 episodes) + 5 episodes of Season 2 of Sex and the City.  If I've learned anything about letting your heart heal, it's that you need time and a lot of it.  Time really does mend all wounds, whether said wounds are lessons learned or mistakes made (sometimes it's both and that's okay, too).

And time is okay.  It's okay to need space.  It's okay to think a lot.  It's okay to feel some bad stuff.  It's okay to count your blessings, I try to do that often.  

I've dealt with my fair share of broken hearts in my 19 and 1/2 short years, often followed by losing myself in a good book or five or a lot, lot, lot of trips to Yogurt Mountain, filled with one-sided conversations that I can politely agree and laugh with (not that this is a bad thing, but sometimes you need to just listen to someone talk and fill that quiet space before you think) or watching lots of movies.  See, it's easy to lose your own life in someone else's.  Not that my little problems and trials are vanished, but for a moment or two, it feels dang good to forget about them.

I've created my own therapy in Carrie Bradshaw.  She's great and I know a lot of people disagree, but I don't care.  Carrie is fabulous.  SINGLE and fabulous at that.  And she's empowering.  I haven't been this confident in my thoughts, my body, my attractiveness (I don't think I'm that hot, but it is nice to like yourself), my singleness, my future.  And you know what?  It might be sinful (#SATC), but if it makes me feel better, I count it as worth it.

And if you're at all doubting that Brenna is back with vengeance, know that I'm listening to this right now.  Literally.  Lolol.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rbm6GXllBiw

Anyway.  This post may make next to no sense, but I felt like I needed to follow up from the last one.  And I know I say thank you to you guys in almost every post, but really, thank you.  I couldn't ever say that enough.  You people have seen more of me than I tell anyone (even my family).  For some reason, I can write much easier than I can talk.  But regardless, I'm stumped and emotional about the feedback I got from my last post.  Without your sweet hearts to cheer me on, I'd be right back to my recent mistakes.  And we all know where that leads me.  So thank you.  Thank you for listening, for praying for me, for not giving up on me, for not getting too exasperating with me, and for all the while, still managing to treat me as a friend.  I know sometimes I'm dumb and foolish, but guarding my heart, onward we go.

I'm counting my blessings.  Remembering all that the Lord has blessed me with, despite my innate, rebellious heart.  Why I'm so attracted to danger is unknown to me.  

And just to reinforce the fact that I really am back, here's a selfie.  Cause we know I love selfies.  Love you people.