The other day, Jesus spoke to me. Reminded me of my worth, reminded me that I matter. It didn't come through a booming voice or a soft nudging, but from the encouragement of others. I'm not sure what I'm doing right, but I do know that Jesus is using me, somehow in spite of that way I feel pretty inadequate right now. But for some reason, people--close friends and random people-- appreciate me.
I was flattered and surprised and curious. It's a strange thing to hear that you're appreciated, but I don't think it's a good thing that we, as humans, the greatest creations to ever exist, see this feeling as "strange". I mean, shouldn't our appreciation of others constantly be on our lips? Why is it such a random, uncommon thing to hear praise from others?
I don't mean this like I should always be complimented; please don't confuse me that way. Believe me, I should definitely be fussed at more often. But I think it's maybe a problem that our appreciation for the people around us takes them by surprise. We should constantly be reminding the people that influence us of their worth.
Anyway. Naturally, because I think too much, hearing appreciation for me led to thinking about people that I under-appreciate. It's no shock to me to realize that I take people for granted; not that it's right, but that I KNOW undoubtedly that it's true.
So here's a list of people that I think we (I, I, I) should appreciate more. Some are maybe "bigger" than others, but we all have an important role to play. I encourage you to thank these people, often and genuinely. And add your own people as fit, then thank them, too, often and genuinely.
1. Post Office workers.
This is highly due to the fact that I think written words are one of the highest forms of flattery for another person. I mean, everyone loves receiving mail. It touches something deep in our hearts to know that someone took time out to think about us and even beyond that, wrote us to us; bought a stamp; addressed it solely to us. And without the people that work endless hours to make sure our mail is sent and received, mail wouldn't be a thing. That sounds kind of ridiculous, but really, without people to deliver our hand-written notes or our Christmas cards or our care packages, we wouldn't be able to send them.
2. Our bosses.
We think that our jobs are hard? Our bosses have to handle us (Lord help mine), the people we work with (uhh.. ditto here cause I can't even handle those people), and they have even more responsibility (read: weight on their shoulders, much more) than us. It's easy to question them and to bad-talk them, but they have a lot of pressure on them.
3. "Sweet" people.
You know those people that you just think of as "sweet" when they come to mind? Those people are special. What a compliment. Candy is sweet, chocolate is sweet, puppies and bunnies are sweet, so for someone who is jacked-up and sinful and dishonest and struggling and everything else to be described as "sweet", that means a lot. These people are humble, caring, and committed. Find your sweet people and love on them a lot.
4. Mechanics.
If you say you haven't lost your head when a part of your car broke, you're lying big time. Our worlds stop when we lose our transportation. Without mechanics, fixing cars would be our responsibility (gasp and cry).
5. Journey, the band.
Don't Stop Believin
Without Journey, we wouldn't have Don't Stop Believing. And if I told you how many times this song has made me better, I'd be so embarrassed. Crank it way up and dance because we're people and we have power, dang it.
6. "You look cute/pretty/beautiful/happy/lovely today."
We should (1.) love these people better and (2.) say this more often. Everyone loves to hear this.
7. Roommates.
Your roommates (or the people you live with) see A LOT. They see you upset, mad, crying, happy, stressed, frustrated, aggravated, eating your body weight in Oreos, heartbroken, with no makeup on, when you're annoying, messy, barely clothed, everything. And somehow, they still put up with you. Cheers to mine.
8. Godmothers.
It doesn't get much better than a person who commits to care for you if anything happens to your parents before they even know you. I know that without my godmother, I wouldn't be half the person I am now. I owe a lot to that woman that opened her house, her heart, her prayers, her wallet, and her sacrifices for me. I'll never forget those prayers and goodnight kisses before bed, those crazy, long, summer days of playing Bratz with buffets of random things to eat for lunch, those hunts for golfball-sized spiders, those nights spent watching tv together, those long weekends at the lake, tubing and swimming and laughing, so much laughing.
9. Authors and Artists and Bakers
I genuinely believe that these three take passion. Authors and artists and bakers have a special passion for life. They believe that they (a) have something to be said, (b) have something to be seen, and/or (c) have something that needs creating. They have jobs for their joy and for our joy; it doesn't get much better than that.
10. Kids Under 8
There's something really majestic about kids that see the world through an unfiltered lens. They see color and happy and they don't have a care in the world. This is to be observed heavily and noted heavily. We should strive to have this kind of child-like view of things again. We're so clouded up by caring what people think.
11. Friends that call just to tell you funny stories.
This is a forgotten art because we can simply text about it. But people have emotions and voices have inflections and a phone call offers both of those.
12. Grandparents.
I didn't realize how I took mine so for granted until they started passing away. The world is a better place because of grandparents and I regret never knowing mine better. There's something about someone that has wisdom and has been through some stuff and has seen some stuff and can offer insight into our little stuffs. I also think that this has to do with our really irrational fear of older people. And I can only say that because up until I listened to a 72 year old man preach the gospel and teach me about relationships and about life and about love, I was one of those that was uncomfortable around old people. They're normal people, too, you know.
There's about a million more people to add to this. It's easy for us to under-appreciate people. We take a lot for granted. This is one thing I vow to work on, though. Blessings are only blessings when you count them.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Didn't I Just Have This Conversation/Revelation/Confrontation? #storyofmylife
In Christ Alone
This post is both hard and easy to write. Hard because it requires me to be really honest about my shortcomings, but easy because it's about dang time, even I know it.
If you've at all journeyed with me through my life of the last 15 or 16 months, you know that I've struggled. Struggled with what's right and what's wrong, which way is up and which way is down. I've made excuses for my behavior and I've chosen to ignore the obvious signs and warnings. I've made bad decisions, ones that have lead to this.
Sometimes we have really good intentions, but bad motivations. Good intentions like "I'll help him", "he needs me", "he needs Jesus", "I know I'm good for him". Bad motivations like "maybe I can change him", "maybe one day it'll work", "we can figure it out together".
Let me be the first to say that jeopardizing your own well-being because you think someone else could benefit is a bunch of bullshit. Sorry for the language, but really, I'm not. It's bullshit to think that you don't deserve to be happy, too, that you should put your needs on the backburner because someone else's needs are greater, that you're not worth happiness, too.
When (and if, I'm praying none of you are ever this foolish) you come to the place where you literally say "he might not be right for me, but I know that I'm right for him", it's time to run for the hills and quick. No one is going to applaud your noble effort when you're left alone in that empty space because the differences between you and him finally came to head and it's all over.
Really, it is a brave effort to endeavor into worlds different from yours. But when it comes to your heart, GUARD IT. I seriously can't stress that enough. That random verse [Proverbs 4:23] was taught to me back in 2008 by a random person and it has only since come up everywhere. That verse means more to me now than ever before and I know that that will only grow.
You see, this is the problem. Don't smoke weed, don't drink, don't have sex.
But no one is talking about the issue of letting the wrong people move, without a marriage vow, into the home that is your heart. If you ask me, giving your heart to those unworthy is mentally and emotionally equivalent to living with your boyfriend before you're married. It only leads to your downfall. It's like opening your doors, your goods, your bed, your everything to someone that has yet to make the commitment that really matters to you.
danger, danger, danger. When (here again, praying none of you are as foolish as I am) you do, run, run, run. Guarding your heart isn't being closed off, it's knowing what you should and should not let make your heart home. See, it's valid to protect yourself.
I'm not sure why we, in the modern, radical, Christian world, think that loving sinners is equal to giving away little pieces of ourselves to those that don't deserve them. Don't confuse this. Yes, we are supposed to love the least of these. Yes, it is important to hurt and feel things for those that have yet to see the kingdom of God (really, have we? I think we might be missing it, but that's a whole other blog post). Yes, it is okay to love, a lot even. But "above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" has become some sort of archaic language to us. Have we really gotten so detached that not even our hearts matter anymore?
I'm just saying that it's a really bad thing when someone comes back (especially for the 789372789th time) into your life and you notice that you close your bible, turn the worship music off, and quit praying.
Take it from your girl. Your heart matters. I'm the biggest preacher of this, but the last lonely girl to believe it. Remember what you deserve and settle for no less. Embrace the sexiness that is your singleness. Embrace the sexiness that is YOU. Remember that you're attractive and that your heart is so, so precious. Meet people. Smile and laugh and flip your hair. Embrace the fact that you are young and fabulous. You are precious and beautiful and lovely and classic and adorable and worth it. So, so worth it.
So, much like that post last time this happened, to the lonely girl reading this: we are waiting patiently on the Lord until he comes. Don't try to make Mr. Wrong Mr. Right. You can't change people like that. Influence is good, but do you really want someone that you have to change? So we patiently wait upon the Lord, trusting in the Lord and soaking all that He is. And when Mr. Right arrives, we continue to patiently wait, trusting in the Lord and soaking in all that He is.
And if Mr. "Right" (really, he's wrong) can't see your worth, do not wait on him to.
And in case you have trouble with figuring it out, The Difference Between A 'Bad Boy' and A Jerk.
Prayer Time: Jesus, remind us, remind me what it means to be precious to you. Remind me of what I mean to you. Remind me of my beauty and my grace and my passion. Draw near to me and help me to draw near to you. Thank you for life and for life abundantly. Thank you for forgiveness and grace because goodness, I need both. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for encouragement and bravery to confront those hard topics. Thank you for what you've done for me. In Christ's name, amen.
I love you people. Thanks for living with me and somehow finding it in your heart to love me through it all. I know I say it often, but it's finally over. And I know I've said it before, but Brenna is back. Diva is on her throne, full Jesus, full sass, full Nike's, full blogging, the whole nine yards. I missed me, but I'm here to stay. Guarding my heart, onward we go.
This post is both hard and easy to write. Hard because it requires me to be really honest about my shortcomings, but easy because it's about dang time, even I know it.
If you've at all journeyed with me through my life of the last 15 or 16 months, you know that I've struggled. Struggled with what's right and what's wrong, which way is up and which way is down. I've made excuses for my behavior and I've chosen to ignore the obvious signs and warnings. I've made bad decisions, ones that have lead to this.
Sometimes we have really good intentions, but bad motivations. Good intentions like "I'll help him", "he needs me", "he needs Jesus", "I know I'm good for him". Bad motivations like "maybe I can change him", "maybe one day it'll work", "we can figure it out together".
Let me be the first to say that jeopardizing your own well-being because you think someone else could benefit is a bunch of bullshit. Sorry for the language, but really, I'm not. It's bullshit to think that you don't deserve to be happy, too, that you should put your needs on the backburner because someone else's needs are greater, that you're not worth happiness, too.
When (and if, I'm praying none of you are ever this foolish) you come to the place where you literally say "he might not be right for me, but I know that I'm right for him", it's time to run for the hills and quick. No one is going to applaud your noble effort when you're left alone in that empty space because the differences between you and him finally came to head and it's all over.
Really, it is a brave effort to endeavor into worlds different from yours. But when it comes to your heart, GUARD IT. I seriously can't stress that enough. That random verse [Proverbs 4:23] was taught to me back in 2008 by a random person and it has only since come up everywhere. That verse means more to me now than ever before and I know that that will only grow.
You see, this is the problem. Don't smoke weed, don't drink, don't have sex.
But no one is talking about the issue of letting the wrong people move, without a marriage vow, into the home that is your heart. If you ask me, giving your heart to those unworthy is mentally and emotionally equivalent to living with your boyfriend before you're married. It only leads to your downfall. It's like opening your doors, your goods, your bed, your everything to someone that has yet to make the commitment that really matters to you.
danger, danger, danger. When (here again, praying none of you are as foolish as I am) you do, run, run, run. Guarding your heart isn't being closed off, it's knowing what you should and should not let make your heart home. See, it's valid to protect yourself.
I'm not sure why we, in the modern, radical, Christian world, think that loving sinners is equal to giving away little pieces of ourselves to those that don't deserve them. Don't confuse this. Yes, we are supposed to love the least of these. Yes, it is important to hurt and feel things for those that have yet to see the kingdom of God (really, have we? I think we might be missing it, but that's a whole other blog post). Yes, it is okay to love, a lot even. But "above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" has become some sort of archaic language to us. Have we really gotten so detached that not even our hearts matter anymore?
I'm just saying that it's a really bad thing when someone comes back (especially for the 789372789th time) into your life and you notice that you close your bible, turn the worship music off, and quit praying.
Take it from your girl. Your heart matters. I'm the biggest preacher of this, but the last lonely girl to believe it. Remember what you deserve and settle for no less. Embrace the sexiness that is your singleness. Embrace the sexiness that is YOU. Remember that you're attractive and that your heart is so, so precious. Meet people. Smile and laugh and flip your hair. Embrace the fact that you are young and fabulous. You are precious and beautiful and lovely and classic and adorable and worth it. So, so worth it.
So, much like that post last time this happened, to the lonely girl reading this: we are waiting patiently on the Lord until he comes. Don't try to make Mr. Wrong Mr. Right. You can't change people like that. Influence is good, but do you really want someone that you have to change? So we patiently wait upon the Lord, trusting in the Lord and soaking all that He is. And when Mr. Right arrives, we continue to patiently wait, trusting in the Lord and soaking in all that He is.
And if Mr. "Right" (really, he's wrong) can't see your worth, do not wait on him to.
And in case you have trouble with figuring it out, The Difference Between A 'Bad Boy' and A Jerk.
Prayer Time: Jesus, remind us, remind me what it means to be precious to you. Remind me of what I mean to you. Remind me of my beauty and my grace and my passion. Draw near to me and help me to draw near to you. Thank you for life and for life abundantly. Thank you for forgiveness and grace because goodness, I need both. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for encouragement and bravery to confront those hard topics. Thank you for what you've done for me. In Christ's name, amen.
I love you people. Thanks for living with me and somehow finding it in your heart to love me through it all. I know I say it often, but it's finally over. And I know I've said it before, but Brenna is back. Diva is on her throne, full Jesus, full sass, full Nike's, full blogging, the whole nine yards. I missed me, but I'm here to stay. Guarding my heart, onward we go.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Happy November, Part 2
"Well, I am a strong believer in (1) love is a good thing. (2) Therefore, something good will come out of love. (3) So as long as we feel love, we will experience something good (even if we get something bad, too). So love is never a waste of time or emotion."
Cindy is at it again. Can't even begin to explain how needed those words were.
I've decided that I can either wallow in the fact that I naturally care too much or I can start to embrace it. I'm choosing the latter. Happy November.
Day 7-November 7th:
I'm thankful for Target. Thankful for alone time and space. Lord knows I need it, desperately and often.
Cindy is at it again. Can't even begin to explain how needed those words were.
I've decided that I can either wallow in the fact that I naturally care too much or I can start to embrace it. I'm choosing the latter. Happy November.
Day 7-November 7th:
I'm thankful for Target. Thankful for alone time and space. Lord knows I need it, desperately and often.
Day 8-November 8th:
I'm thankful for funny, ridiculous friends that make me smile a lot. I'd seriously be nowhere without those people.
Day 9-November 9th:
I'm so thankful for family and I don't say that enough. I'm thankful that I'm wired for community. I'm thankful that God gave me people to pick me up when I can't pick myself up. I'm thankful for a sister and a mom that serve as my best friends.
Day 10-November 10th:
I'm thankful for friends, old and new. I'm thankful for laughs, ridiculous quotes, and the chance to still create friendship.
Day 11-November 11th:
I'm thankful for this country. Thankful for what it stands for, even if we are losing what we stand for. Thankful for the people, the land, and those serving to give me life. I'm fully aware that I take this one for granted often.
Day 12-November 12th:
I'm thankful for words. I'm thankful that words can explain emotions. I'm thankful that I'm comfortable to be alone and to rest. Thankful for the ability to read and to appreciate literature.
Day 13-November 13th:
I'm thankful for my car. Thankful that I can come and go as I please. Obviously November is a time where I've needed lots of alone time.
Day 14-November 14th:
I'm thankful for sweet, encouraging souls. Thankful that people believe in me when I don't believe in myself.
Day 15-November 15th:
I'm thankful for birthdays, even when they aren't mine. I'm thankful for the opportunity to celebrate life because it is really dang worth celebrating, even when it's pretty crappy.
Day 16-November 16th:
I'm thankful for a mom that believes in retail therapy.
Day 17-November 17th:
I'm thankful that divorce is hardly a factor in tearing a family apart if you don't let it. I'm thankful that my family is civil enough to get together and to love on each other. I'm also thankful for tough conversations. I don't see it now, but someday, I'll be better because of them.
Day 18-November 18th:
I'm thankful for good music. I'm thankful that it can lift spirits. I'm thankful that it can cleanse souls and refresh hearts. I'm thankful for words that are too dramatic for emotions that are out of hand. I'm really thankful for good music.
November is rough, rough, rough. I appreciate your prayers. We'll get through this.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
19 Things We've Seem to Have Forgotten About
what are we doing with our lives?
really. are we doing what matters? are we spending time with the right things and ignoring the wasteful things? are we stressing over ridiculous things when greater things have yet to come? I'm stumped by this question lately and my only prayer is that this begins to burden your heart in the same way that is has burdened mine.
It's easy, really easy, to get caught up in the routines of our lives. We all fall victims to it: wake up, shower, get dressed, go to class/work, eat some lunch, back to class/work, go home, do mindless things (like watch tv, scroll through facebook to hear about lives that you don't really care about, eat some unhealthy dinner), fall asleep, and repeat.
Because routine is dangerous, we need to put the emergency brake on our lives. We're slowly (because it's a long process to the mundane world) and quickly (because it'll happen quicker than you'll realize) driving ourselves into the town of Burntout. We all fall victims to this, too: waking up one day and thinking, "I need some adventure." We crave change. We crave new. Something crazy, something exciting, something wild. Maybe it's just me, but this happens nearly daily.
With that said, here's a list of 19 things that I think we need to rediscover the art of, make time for, and become content with.
1. Breakfast. Make time to eat breakfast. And I don't mean swinging through the McDonald's drive-thru when you just happen to wind up with an extra ten minutes before work and I definitely don't mean skipping breakfast. But really, truly sitting down to enjoy your breakfast. Taste, rather than inhale. Prepare your mind for the day. When we get going in the constant state of go-go-go, we lose sight of calm stuff.
2. Stop when the light is only yellow. Sure, the cars behind you might honk horns and roll their eyes, but I think you owe it to yourself (and quite frankly, to the impatient drivers behind you, even if it's me) to take a break (or to make them take a break). Instead of speeding up ten mph, slow down and calm down.
3. Dig through your sock drawer for those fuzzy socks. You need a laugh and smile and be happy and fuzzy socks help.
4. Make time to sip hot drinks with cool people. Starbucks is open a lot. Make time to sit with people that care about you.
5. Choose the good book over studying. College degrees and work are important, but so is literature.
6. Speaking of literature, take time to appreciate words. Read quotes, read poems, read anything and everything. Street signs, billboards, advertisements, dusty books in your bookshelf, forgotten magazines under your bed.
7. Eat sweets. Lots of sweets. Gain some weight, do what you want. When you leave, your body doesn't go with you. Be happy.
8. Ask for what you deserve. You're not invalid in knowing that you deserve better. Don't hold back. Your happiness matters.
9. Discuss those hard topics. And be passionate about what you believe in. If you're struggling with how someone is treating you, be able and willing to debate your point and hold your ground. Your opinions matter. Talk and talk and talk.
10. Visit home-the place where your heart lies- way too often. Twice in one week if necessary. You owe it to yourself to make your heart happy.
11. Buy the purse that's $5 on clearance. Buy the shoes that are only $8 and the only pair in your size. It's not bad to spend money on yourself.
12. Get a tattoo. Pierce something. Dye your hair. Cut your hair. Wear that weird outfit. Be individual and be different. If you're blessed enough with the ability to be different (which we all are. Jeremiah 1:5), then why do we try so hard to be "normal"? What is normal anyway?
13. Don't think too much. Often times, trying to reason for things that we don't have a totally clear head on is what screws us up. It's okay to not understand why you're doing something. Use wisdom.
14. Make time to physically see people. Even if it means driving a long way or rearranging your whole routine (that isn't worth anything anyway) to do it, make it happen. It'll mean a lot to you and it'll mean a lot to them.
15. Snapchat your least attractive face. We all know you're beautiful anyway.
16. Write. Write words and thoughts and notes and letters and reminders (both for yourself and for others) and draw and doodle and scribble. This is a forgotten art.
17. Buy yourself some flowers. It's not pathetic, it's considering yourself worth it.
18. Relax. Just chill. Take a moment to slow the heck down.
19. think deeply (but not overly). love hard. pray a lot. forgive often. show grace. be kind. laugh and laugh and laugh. take a deep breath. be ridiculous. use your imagination. tell yourself that it'll be okay. read articles. love the good in people.
really, just make yourself happy. remember what matters (YOU). don't feel bad if you don't think you should. don't say sorry if you're not. make friends. make love. make happiness. and never ever forget that you're worth it.
really. are we doing what matters? are we spending time with the right things and ignoring the wasteful things? are we stressing over ridiculous things when greater things have yet to come? I'm stumped by this question lately and my only prayer is that this begins to burden your heart in the same way that is has burdened mine.
It's easy, really easy, to get caught up in the routines of our lives. We all fall victims to it: wake up, shower, get dressed, go to class/work, eat some lunch, back to class/work, go home, do mindless things (like watch tv, scroll through facebook to hear about lives that you don't really care about, eat some unhealthy dinner), fall asleep, and repeat.
Because routine is dangerous, we need to put the emergency brake on our lives. We're slowly (because it's a long process to the mundane world) and quickly (because it'll happen quicker than you'll realize) driving ourselves into the town of Burntout. We all fall victims to this, too: waking up one day and thinking, "I need some adventure." We crave change. We crave new. Something crazy, something exciting, something wild. Maybe it's just me, but this happens nearly daily.
With that said, here's a list of 19 things that I think we need to rediscover the art of, make time for, and become content with.
1. Breakfast. Make time to eat breakfast. And I don't mean swinging through the McDonald's drive-thru when you just happen to wind up with an extra ten minutes before work and I definitely don't mean skipping breakfast. But really, truly sitting down to enjoy your breakfast. Taste, rather than inhale. Prepare your mind for the day. When we get going in the constant state of go-go-go, we lose sight of calm stuff.
2. Stop when the light is only yellow. Sure, the cars behind you might honk horns and roll their eyes, but I think you owe it to yourself (and quite frankly, to the impatient drivers behind you, even if it's me) to take a break (or to make them take a break). Instead of speeding up ten mph, slow down and calm down.
3. Dig through your sock drawer for those fuzzy socks. You need a laugh and smile and be happy and fuzzy socks help.
4. Make time to sip hot drinks with cool people. Starbucks is open a lot. Make time to sit with people that care about you.
5. Choose the good book over studying. College degrees and work are important, but so is literature.
6. Speaking of literature, take time to appreciate words. Read quotes, read poems, read anything and everything. Street signs, billboards, advertisements, dusty books in your bookshelf, forgotten magazines under your bed.
7. Eat sweets. Lots of sweets. Gain some weight, do what you want. When you leave, your body doesn't go with you. Be happy.
8. Ask for what you deserve. You're not invalid in knowing that you deserve better. Don't hold back. Your happiness matters.
9. Discuss those hard topics. And be passionate about what you believe in. If you're struggling with how someone is treating you, be able and willing to debate your point and hold your ground. Your opinions matter. Talk and talk and talk.
10. Visit home-the place where your heart lies- way too often. Twice in one week if necessary. You owe it to yourself to make your heart happy.
11. Buy the purse that's $5 on clearance. Buy the shoes that are only $8 and the only pair in your size. It's not bad to spend money on yourself.
12. Get a tattoo. Pierce something. Dye your hair. Cut your hair. Wear that weird outfit. Be individual and be different. If you're blessed enough with the ability to be different (which we all are. Jeremiah 1:5), then why do we try so hard to be "normal"? What is normal anyway?
13. Don't think too much. Often times, trying to reason for things that we don't have a totally clear head on is what screws us up. It's okay to not understand why you're doing something. Use wisdom.
14. Make time to physically see people. Even if it means driving a long way or rearranging your whole routine (that isn't worth anything anyway) to do it, make it happen. It'll mean a lot to you and it'll mean a lot to them.
15. Snapchat your least attractive face. We all know you're beautiful anyway.
16. Write. Write words and thoughts and notes and letters and reminders (both for yourself and for others) and draw and doodle and scribble. This is a forgotten art.
17. Buy yourself some flowers. It's not pathetic, it's considering yourself worth it.
18. Relax. Just chill. Take a moment to slow the heck down.
19. think deeply (but not overly). love hard. pray a lot. forgive often. show grace. be kind. laugh and laugh and laugh. take a deep breath. be ridiculous. use your imagination. tell yourself that it'll be okay. read articles. love the good in people.
really, just make yourself happy. remember what matters (YOU). don't feel bad if you don't think you should. don't say sorry if you're not. make friends. make love. make happiness. and never ever forget that you're worth it.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Humble Pie and Monday Perspectives
I cannot even begin to imagine how frustrating it would be to be God. Even more so than that, how frustrating it would be to be God to someone like me. Often times, I even get on my own nerves.
Waking up this morning was easy. After a perfectly exhausting weekend, deciding to go to sleep last night at 11:45 sounded like my best idea in months (that would be aside from going home and going to Greenville this weekend. so, so, so fun and necessary). When my alarm sounded at 7:30 this morning, I felt more rested than I have in weeks, in spite of my lack of sleep this weekend.
Then three thoughts happened all at once:
1. It's Monday.
2. You have 3 classes today, then 4 hours of work.
3. IT'S. MONDAY.
And then, perfectly timed at 8 am, I received this text from my mother:
I think the opportunity to have joy in each day is solely our responsibility, even on Mondays. We're responsible to make the choice. We choose to sin. We choose to rebel against God. We choose to accept that we are in desperate need of a Savior. We choose to seek Jesus. We choose to take up our cross. We choose to take joy. It's a simple concept, but we make it much harder by allowing our brains to be clouded by the business and craziness.
Waking up this morning was easy. After a perfectly exhausting weekend, deciding to go to sleep last night at 11:45 sounded like my best idea in months (that would be aside from going home and going to Greenville this weekend. so, so, so fun and necessary). When my alarm sounded at 7:30 this morning, I felt more rested than I have in weeks, in spite of my lack of sleep this weekend.
Then three thoughts happened all at once:
1. It's Monday.
2. You have 3 classes today, then 4 hours of work.
3. IT'S. MONDAY.
And then, perfectly timed at 8 am, I received this text from my mother:
"Good morning! Just wanted to tell you that I have already
prayed that you have a wonderful day and week!
*sunshine emoji, smile emoji, kissy face emoji*"
prayed that you have a wonderful day and week!
*sunshine emoji, smile emoji, kissy face emoji*"
There's nothing like a slice of humble pie to start off your week. As I moaned, groaned, complained, and dreaded my Monday, my mother informed me that she had already been up, despite not having to work today, and already selflessly prayed for me.
In my pouting state, Jesus spoke to me. Brenna, you asked for this college. You prayed about being accepted and I made that happen. Brenna, you asked for this job. You prayed for that for months and I made that happen, too. Stop complaining and do the work that I have blessed you with.
[[This is where I see how frustrating it would be to be God. I ask for things, but grumble when they're given. I'm not sure what kind of logic this is, but I need to work on it.]]
In reply, my humble prayer was simple: "Jesus, thank you for college. Thank you for preparation for my future. Jesus, thank you for a job. Though I don't always like either, I pray that you would help me to choose joy, despite my grumbling heart. Teach me to be joyful in the work that you have for me. Teach me what it means to work as if working for you."
I'm not sure why I've got the idea that I can do all of this alone. Not sure why I feel like Jesus can only handle the big stuff and that He can't handle the absence of joy in my heart, either.
And if that wasn't enough to slap me into place, here's the Jesus Calling devo for today:
"Do not let any set of circumstances intimidate you. The more challenging your day, the more of My Power I place at your disposal. You seem to think that I empower you equally each day, but this is not so. Your tendency upon awakening is to assess the difficulties ahead of you, measuring them against your average strength. This is an exercise in unreality.
I know what each of your days will contain, and I empower you accordingly. The degree to which I strengthen you on a given day is based mainly on two variables: the difficulty of your circumstances, and your willingness to depend on Me for help. Try to view challenging days as opportunities to receive more of My Power than usual. Look to Me for all that you need, and watch to see what I will do. As your day, so shall your strength be."
This is why rest is vital. Resting physically and resting spiritually. Resting physically because our bodies are exhausted. Resting spiritually because our hearts are exhausted. Resting spiritually says "God, I need a break and I know you supply breaks."
I know it's Monday and I know it's hard and I know you can't wait for this season to be over and I know we're ready for a break, but choosing joy isn't such a far off concept. Press on. This too shall pass.
{Psalm 105:4} Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.
{Psalm 105:4} Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Happy November
It's been about two weeks since I've been here, which is about three weeks overdue. I've been journaling, worshiping, praying, hoping, and lots and lots of thinking. To say that this time of year is chaotic is an understatement. In fact, I've been so busy that I haven't even really had time to feel like myself. Pretty weird, huh? I mean, I even tweet less now. If you follow me on twitter (sorry if you do), you know how abnormal that is. Sometimes life just gets crazy, though, and you need some space, you know? I've taken space, perhaps too much, to work on myself. I'm blessed and grateful that as I work on me, Jesus works on me, too. I'm very blessed by the Lord's work within me.
Sometimes you just need time to think and stuff.
With that said, this post feels more out of obligation (since it's been a while) than out of my heart's call. Which means this could go either really well or really bad, hah. I'm posting anyway. Pray for me, please, as I try to get back to my normal self after a season of hard. That's the only way to describe it: boom, boom, boom, one thing after another. Thank goodness Jesus is bigger.
I'm a little scatter-brained right now. Happy November. November is in my top five favorite months. The weather, the smiles, the leaves (and the leaf tornadoes, how does that happen anyway?), the scarves, the hiking, the pictures. I'm thoroughly obsessed. But my favorite part has got to be the way we, humans, subconsciously shift our thinking. When I think of November, I think of thankfulness. And I know I'm not the only one that feels like way. I have a joy in my heart that is due solely to the season. Jesus made me a lady that craves fall and winter. It's a time of rest and darkness and relaxation and slow words and warm drinks and abundant hearts. And I sound dramatic, but how can you not love fall and winter?
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In the spirit of November, I wake up and my first thought is to count my blessings. For everyday, I find at least one relatively large thing to be thankful for. So, keeping in that spirit, I'm going to post somewhat periodically of what I'm thankful for day-by-day. I hope you'll take this time and thank Jesus as well.
Day 1-November 1st:
I'm thankful for the changing of seasons. I'm thankful for the fact that the seasons we are in are not the end. That life continues, that Jesus redeems. Praise God for that. I'm thankful for hope that things will move on. I'm thankful for seasons.
Day 2-November 2nd:
I'm thankful for good weather. Weather that reminds me that the Lord is good as my heart is kissed by His precious Spirit (more flowery language, I can't help it). I'm thankful for warmth and for breezes. I'm thankful for the beauty of nature. I'm thankful that the leaves change and remind me that I, too, am allowed to change.
I'm also thankful for the way that nature aligns. You can call it science, but I genuinely believe that the Lord knows when we need an extra hour (daylight savings)- to rest, to relax, to recoop. It even gets darker earlier. If that isn't Jesus screaming at us to slow down and to relax, both physically and in His presence, I don't know what is. I'm grateful for a God that forces me to brake when I'm driving 1000 mph and I can't even find the time to close my eyes.
Day 3-November 3rd:
I'm thankful for resurrection: Jesus' resurrection, my upcoming resurrection, and the resurrection of my heart. I'm thankful that Jesus intervened to resurrect my dead soul. I'm thankful for the fact that my dead heart was not forced to stay dead. I'm thankful that Jesus is able to intervene.
Day 4-November 4th:
I'm thankful for my identity (even on chaotic Mondays). I'm thankful for lost and found wallets. I'm thankful that my identity is found in Christ. I'm thankful for the fact that I am not identified by who I used to be, but by who the Lord calls me to be.
Day 5-November 5th:
I'm thankful for the Lord's continual provision over me. That's kind of broad, but I'm thankful for the fact that I can rest assured in who the Lord is and the fact that He will continue to provide for me.
Day 6-November 6th:
I'm thankful for lazy days with friends. I'm thankful for a break in stress. I'm thankful for time to escape. I'm thankful for pleasant distractions, even when they're maybe not my wisest of decisions. I'm a strong advocate in taking time for myself, spending money on myself, and basking in the beauty of loving me.
Be thankful. It's November and it's so, so beautiful.
Also, here are other pictures from my life. It's been a while since I've done this, so.
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All-in-all, I'm thankful for sweet friends, sweet words, and the sweet things that the Lord has for me. I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good, even in seasons of not-so-good.
I really, really, really just love any excuse for an expression to be grateful. Praise God.
Prayer Time: God, I pray that you would remind me to have a heart of constant thankfulness. Teach me to count my blessings and not my heartaches. I love you, Jesus. Thank you for grace.
Sometimes you just need time to think and stuff.
With that said, this post feels more out of obligation (since it's been a while) than out of my heart's call. Which means this could go either really well or really bad, hah. I'm posting anyway. Pray for me, please, as I try to get back to my normal self after a season of hard. That's the only way to describe it: boom, boom, boom, one thing after another. Thank goodness Jesus is bigger.
I'm a little scatter-brained right now. Happy November. November is in my top five favorite months. The weather, the smiles, the leaves (and the leaf tornadoes, how does that happen anyway?), the scarves, the hiking, the pictures. I'm thoroughly obsessed. But my favorite part has got to be the way we, humans, subconsciously shift our thinking. When I think of November, I think of thankfulness. And I know I'm not the only one that feels like way. I have a joy in my heart that is due solely to the season. Jesus made me a lady that craves fall and winter. It's a time of rest and darkness and relaxation and slow words and warm drinks and abundant hearts. And I sound dramatic, but how can you not love fall and winter?
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In the spirit of November, I wake up and my first thought is to count my blessings. For everyday, I find at least one relatively large thing to be thankful for. So, keeping in that spirit, I'm going to post somewhat periodically of what I'm thankful for day-by-day. I hope you'll take this time and thank Jesus as well.
Day 1-November 1st:
I'm thankful for the changing of seasons. I'm thankful for the fact that the seasons we are in are not the end. That life continues, that Jesus redeems. Praise God for that. I'm thankful for hope that things will move on. I'm thankful for seasons.
Day 2-November 2nd:
I'm thankful for good weather. Weather that reminds me that the Lord is good as my heart is kissed by His precious Spirit (more flowery language, I can't help it). I'm thankful for warmth and for breezes. I'm thankful for the beauty of nature. I'm thankful that the leaves change and remind me that I, too, am allowed to change.
I'm also thankful for the way that nature aligns. You can call it science, but I genuinely believe that the Lord knows when we need an extra hour (daylight savings)- to rest, to relax, to recoop. It even gets darker earlier. If that isn't Jesus screaming at us to slow down and to relax, both physically and in His presence, I don't know what is. I'm grateful for a God that forces me to brake when I'm driving 1000 mph and I can't even find the time to close my eyes.
Day 3-November 3rd:
I'm thankful for resurrection: Jesus' resurrection, my upcoming resurrection, and the resurrection of my heart. I'm thankful that Jesus intervened to resurrect my dead soul. I'm thankful for the fact that my dead heart was not forced to stay dead. I'm thankful that Jesus is able to intervene.
Day 4-November 4th:
I'm thankful for my identity (even on chaotic Mondays). I'm thankful for lost and found wallets. I'm thankful that my identity is found in Christ. I'm thankful for the fact that I am not identified by who I used to be, but by who the Lord calls me to be.
Day 5-November 5th:
I'm thankful for the Lord's continual provision over me. That's kind of broad, but I'm thankful for the fact that I can rest assured in who the Lord is and the fact that He will continue to provide for me.
Day 6-November 6th:
I'm thankful for lazy days with friends. I'm thankful for a break in stress. I'm thankful for time to escape. I'm thankful for pleasant distractions, even when they're maybe not my wisest of decisions. I'm a strong advocate in taking time for myself, spending money on myself, and basking in the beauty of loving me.
Be thankful. It's November and it's so, so beautiful.
Also, here are other pictures from my life. It's been a while since I've done this, so.
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Yes, I was a Toddler and Tiara for Halloween.
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All-in-all, I'm thankful for sweet friends, sweet words, and the sweet things that the Lord has for me. I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good, even in seasons of not-so-good.
I really, really, really just love any excuse for an expression to be grateful. Praise God.
Prayer Time: God, I pray that you would remind me to have a heart of constant thankfulness. Teach me to count my blessings and not my heartaches. I love you, Jesus. Thank you for grace.
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