Keep Calm and Carry On

This Is Our God by Hillsong

"Your grace is enough, more than I need. In your word, I will believe. I wait for you, draw near again. And your spirit, make me new. And I will fall at your feet, I will fall at your feet, and I will worship you here. Your presence in me. Jesus, light the way. By the power of your word, I am restored, I am redeemed. By your spirit, I am free. And I will fall at your feet, I will fall at your feet, and I will worship you here. Freely, you gave it all for us, surrendered your life upon that cross. Great is your love, poured out for all, this is our God. Lifted on high from death to life, forever our God is glorified. Servant and King, rescued the world, this is our God. And I will fall at your feet, I will fall at your feet, and I will worship you here. And I will fall at your feet, I will fall at your feet, and I will worship you here. Freely you gave it all for us, surrendered your life upon that cross. Great is your love, poured out for all, this is our God. Lifted on high from death to life, forever our God is glorified. Servant and King, rescued the world, this is our God."

Finally having a moment to breathe is a very liberating feeling.  I'm surprised my body is still intact because I've pushed myself very much to the core over the last two and a half weeks.

That feeling that all is right in the world is still here.  Anderson is my home.  I feel more calm, more collected (which says a lot, seeing as my life has been chaos lately), and more comfortable here than I have in the last six months.  

I'm not exactly sure how to approach putting my thoughts into words because I already feel radically changed since I have gotten here.  I'll try to make sense.

It's funny how God has perfectly orchestrated everything since the beginning of time.  As many times as I have realized that, you'd think that I would expect it, but I am never prepared.  Jesus has much grander plans for my life than I will ever realize.  All things that I was nervous about in coming to Anderson have been blessed tenfold.

Starting with my staff.  I wasn't prepared to cry, laugh, slave, craft, and share testimonies with these girls.  I expected to be close to them, but I never expected to call Ashley, Emily, Lauren, other Emily, Beth, Mary Katherine, Laura, Courtney, and my RD, Ashley, my best friends.  In the few short weeks that we've known each other, my walls have been very much broken down.  And I praise God for that.  I praise Him for the friendships that He is building, for perfectly giving me just what I need before I even realize that I need it.

And my girls.  I never thought that my heart could swell up as much as it has over the smallest of things.  I take joy in hearing their laughs through the walls (that sounds super creepy, but #yolo), letting them into their rooms when they lock themselves out, helping them fill out work requests, laughing with them, explaining rules to them, hugging them, everything.  Everyone told me that I would be the one most blessed by this job and I didn't understand what that meant until they arrived.  I'm very blessed to have them and to be able to love on them.  

And Jesus.  Jesus has made a HUGE appearance in my life since I got back to Anderson.  When I was home, and even when I was in Anderson in March and April, I was very far from the Lord.  I went to church maybe three times this summer.  I never read my Bible.  Never prayed.  But God has a way of gently, but very burdeningly (totes not a word), bringing you back to Him.  In my most fragile of states, I cried daily, missing home and feeling highly inadequate for the job that I had gotten myself into.  I knew that coming here and being an RA was all in His doing because He burdened on me to apply until I finally did, but I felt lost and confused and very angry that He had brought me into this without giving me a clear way of handling my new situation.  So, of course, He broke me down to nothing and built me back up on Him.  That sounds weird and church-y, but it's exactly how it went down.  Jesus brought me back Home, physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally.

Praise God for all He has done.  I know full well that the Lord is good.  He's working in my favor, even when I don't understand, at all.  Which is basically all the time.

Pray for me?  Pray that this wouldn't just be a quick thing, but that I would continually move forward with my eyes fixed on Jesus and Jesus alone.  I need prayer.  "Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it.  Prone to leave the God I love."   Why is that me?  I wish I could be stronger, but I'm not and I continually seek my own ways and my own desires.

I still cry a lot and I'm still feeling very raw and emotionally drained, but it's easier to focus on the good stuff when I know that Jesus has my back.  He always has, but for some reason, I just now finally get it.

Thank you.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I'm praying for y'all as well.  Let me know if you need anything.  Brenna is finally back.  Jesus is good.