Taste and See

hi, hi, hiiiiii.

The Lord is teaching me a lot.  A whole dang lot.  I'm even totally sure where to start.
I feel like the last week has been a tornado of things; good things, nonetheless, but a lot of things.  I'm thankful to be under the continual watch of Jesus.  Not that I ever doubted His protection, grace, and mercy, but to be honest, sometimes He feels real far away.

And it's really easy to forget that Jesus has sweet things for us.  It took me declaring that over myself for months for me to actually believe it.  But I'm a living testament to the fact that declarations work.  I believe that if you chant your mantra to yourself enough, you begin to really believe those things.

The Lord is good and the Lord has good things for me.  In that, I refuse to believe that the not-so-good things are the best that Jesus can do; I refuse to believe that the people in my life that are clearly not aligned with Jesus' will for me are the best that Jesus has for me, that He could do no better.

With that said, it took weeks for me to believe that.  And even when I said I believed it, I didn't.  And I only know that because it wasn't until I truly believed in the grace, mercy, and sweetness of the Lord that He began to give me the sweet things that I desired.

I'm not sure that I'm making much sense, but I'm trying.  I guess I'm saying that when I really believed in Jesus' ability to bless me, He started blessing me.  

I've slept a lot less and prayed a lot more in the last week or two.  I'm thankful that I don't know where things are headed and I'm thrilled to watch Jesus' plan unfold.

With all of that said, I encourage anyone reading this to not settle for anything less than what you deserve.  Coming from the formerly reigning Queen of Settle for much too long, I urge and really demand you to wait for the Lord.  Because He does have good things.  And He does know what we need.  And He definitely wishes to bless us.  And I know that it's easy to see good things that the Lord is doing and count them as being for everyone else and not ourselves, but I'm really happy about the fact that that's not the way Jesus works.  It's not about earning blessings, but about trust and faith in His ability to provide blessings to you.  It's not worth it to believe or put faith in something that was never yours to believe or put faith in.  You can't change a heart and it was never your duty to try to.  Hallelujah and amen for that.

Guarding my heart, still onward we go.  One step at a time is a real good philosophy.  Psalm 119:105 says that Jesus' word is a lamp unto my feet.  Not a spotlight, not a blazing fire, but a lamp.  Because of that, I trust and believe that as I trust in the Lord, He will reveal His plan.  It's not something that can be rushed or measured and I'm really dang thankful for that.  One foot in front of the other, onward we go, receiving the blessings and resting in that abounding grace.

"It should be something altogether more organic and intuitive.  A spiritual courtship wherein two parties determine if God has ordained their paths to intersect." 

This is a lot of churchy language, but I'm just really happy and blessed and thankful.  Here's to fabulous.

Thank you, God, that you're good.  Thank you for having nothing but goodness for us.  Thank you for blessings that blow away any expectations we could ever have.  Thank you for your sense of humor and the grace that comes with it.  Thank you for giving us the desires of our hearts.  Thank you for continually teaching us and guiding us.  Even if you stop here, you've done enough and I'm thankful.  Thank you that your sweetness never, ever gets old.

"O taste, and see that the Lord is sweet: blessed are they that hopeth in Him." -Psalm 34:8

"thank you Lord for letting my best friend see that there are male specimens out there that cherish who she is and what she says *hand clap emoji*".  Yes and amen, Lindsey, couldn't have said it better myself.

Telling Stories

There's nothing quite like changing your major for the 5th time to make you feel quite so inadequate.

Though I'm confident in my decision, I'm nervous.  I'm scared of what's to come.  Nursing majors intend to be nurses after college; education majors intend to be educators after college.  But I'm now a Communications major and I have next to no idea what I would like to spend the rest of my life doing.  It seems like I should at least have a plan.  

For my lack of plan, I'm thankful that the Lord guides my steps.  A light unto my path (Psalm 119:105), I'm taking things baby step-by-baby step, following Jesus.  I'm also thankful that the Lord encourages us along the way.  Thankful that I was never meant to do this alone, thankful for reassurance.

In Mark 5, Jesus shows up.  A man needed a miracle and Jesus showed up to perform, much like Jesus shows up in our lives.

Mark 5:18-20-As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” 

The man, much like myself, did not know what was to come, had no clue what was next for him (or for me).  But as every Christian should, he simply desired to be near to the Lord.

I think I was a pretty normal kid.  I behaved in school, made good grades.  I was a little (a lot) quiet, but I was okay with that.  When I was 7ish, my parents split up.  Back then, that was really hard on me.  I felt like they were giving up and at the little age of 7, I decided that I would never, never get a divorce.  ]

Middle school was so awkward for me.  Looking back now, I don't know how I made it.  I was young and needy and all over the daggum place.  Those were definitely not my shining years and I don't think you could pay me enough money to go back and do them again.  Middle school was just pretty rough for me.  The world got pretty real for me then.  I saw a lot of desire, from alcohol to money to sex to betrayal to deceit, everything.  And I did not know how to handle it at all.

High school wasn't terrible.  Not my favorite, but not so bad.  In tenth grade, I met my best friend, who passionately and persistently invited me to church.  After lots of no's (thank God she never gave up on me), I reluctantly said yes and the Lord took hold of me.  Saved a few months later, baptized at 18.  Since then, things haven't been steadily smooth sailing.  I've accepted that my life won't ever be.  I've struggled a lot, a whole lot, I've made a bunch of wrong decisions, and I've turned my back on Jesus more than once.  But I'm so, so thankful for grace and forgiveness and patience.  I'm thankful that the Lord met me where I was, that He accepted me when I had all of nothing and a whole lot of problems to bring.  I'm thankful that I didn't meet Jesus until I was 18 because I firmly believe that I would have full-blown rejected the sweetness of Jesus if it had been sooner.  I'm thankful that the Lord gave me a story to tell because I have zero clue where I would be now without Jesus.  My views on a lot (sex, divorce, sin, corruption) have changed a lot since I met Jesus and for that, I'm thankful.  I don't always think straightly, but I know very, very well that I'm dang better off now than I was before.

I think each of us has a great, great story to tell.  This is just a small piece of mine, but I tell it boldly and confidently.  I believe that there is a lot to be said about letting your guard down (trust me, I tend to be pretty terrible at this) and being open.  I think beautiful things come from that.  There's a lot of beauty in the words we speak and the stories we tell and the laughs we laugh and the things we do.  I believe in telling those things and I believe they're worth hearing.

Mark 5:20-So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed.

I'm not sure why I felt the need to say this.  I pray it speaks to someone.  I am so in love with being in love with Jesus.  Thanks for riding this out with me.

Isaiah 43:19

"The first fall of snow is not only an event.  It is a magical event.  You go to bed in one kind of world and wake up in another quite different, and if this is not enchantment, then where is it to be found?" - J.B. Priestley

Sometimes

Your 20's are for change, right?  Like doing big things and having fun and being so fabulous.  I'm almost 20 and apparently, my head decided to go ahead and get started on said changing things...

A year ago, I was a ministry major.  Since then, I've ventured into the world of Elementary Education.  Up until three or four days ago, I was still there.

For the 5th and final time, I have changed my major yet again.  

I can basically hear your sigh and feel your eye rolling from here.  Don't think that this change just because.  It's not because I got bored with one thing and needed to create something new.  It's not because I want to stay in college forever, though I have named myself the #permanentcollegestudent.  It's not because I hate children.  But I changed my major to Communications because I needed to for me.

It's no secret that I love to write and read and see beautiful things.  I have always avoided things like majoring in English or Journalism because I have this thing where I can't get over the salary I would make, even though I know that I would be so, so happy.  Communications is sort of a happy medium for that.  Hopefully (fingers crossed) I'll have some decent income and I have little to no fear that I will be happy.

The Lord had been slowly nudging me with the idea.  I just couldn't handle Education classes anymore (that sounds cowardly, but try to hear me out).  It just wasn't for me.  Even when I picked it, I said that I wasn't sure that it was what the Lord had for me.  Since then, I have decided that it is, indeed, not what the Lord has for me.  I didn't have a passion about it and if I have learned anything in college - from relationships to majors to jobs -- it's that you can't call yourself to anything, that it has to be Jesus that calls you.  

I still have yet to get it all figured out.  Maybe I'll do some PR work somewhere, like for a non-profit because that would be SO fun.  Maybe I'll get into event planning.  Maybe I'll be an editor somewhere.  Maybe I'll write some books.  Maybe I'll stay at Anderson University forever and get a job here because *lawlz* that was one of the potential jobs I looked at that I could get with my new degree.  

The Lord is teaching me a lot these days.  And some days, I can't figure out which way is up.  But I'm thankful that the Lord restores and that He has sweet, sweet things for me.  I'm thankful that He corrects us in our mere contentment and calls us to be joyful (seriously, I've cried over how excited I am to be out of Education...).  I'm thankful that He still directs, even after I make a lot of wrong moves, and that He still calls me His.

I'm also thankful that changing my major actually sets me back on track and that I will graduate in the Spring of 2016, like I was originally supposed to.  How Jesus worked that one out, I still don't know.

And because I seem to stay busy too much lately, here are some things going on in my little 19 year old life right now (and also a to-do list of random thangs):

• reading The Fault in Our Stars.  OMG, go read before the movie comes out in June, only $7.99 on iBooks.  Trailer: The Fault In Our Stars
• applying and awaiting decision on becoming SRA (senior resident advisor) next year.  That would mean that I'm under my RD but over the staff in my dorm area (12 people).  No pressure.......
• changing my major.  Obvi.  But I haven't met with the Communications dean or anything yet, whoooops..
• missing home.  Per usual.
• loving people more and more.  I don't mean that to boast or anything, that I'm doing better than anyone else by loving those around me more.  I just genuinely love them.  I'm so, so thankful for the people around me.
• not working.  In case anyone didn't know, I quit my job.  Welcome to the unemployed life, also no pressure......
• recording prayers in a prayer journal.  BEST THERAPY EVER.
• doing all things fun.  I used to decline some invitations to do things, because I was tired or busy or too busy being introverted.  But lately, I've said yes to a lot.  And it's been really, really fun.

"Your 20's are your selfish years.  Old enough to make the right decisions and young enough to make the wrong ones.  Be selfish with your time -- travel, explore, fall in and out of love, be ridiculous and silly, stupid and wild.  Be 20something."

"For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already begun!  Do you not see it?  I will make a pathway through the wilderness.  I will create rivers in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43:19

Oh, PS: I took a quiz on BuzzFeed last night, "What Career Should You Actually Have?"  And my results... 

You got: Writer

You are a maker. Creative from the day you were born, you spend most of your time thinking about the world you live in. You are open to new ideas and value beauty and originality more than most. We both know you’re not really the office type, so give yourself some room to create. Other occupations: director, producer, advertiser.