Though I'm confident in my decision, I'm nervous. I'm scared of what's to come. Nursing majors intend to be nurses after college; education majors intend to be educators after college. But I'm now a Communications major and I have next to no idea what I would like to spend the rest of my life doing. It seems like I should at least have a plan.
For my lack of plan, I'm thankful that the Lord guides my steps. A light unto my path (Psalm 119:105), I'm taking things baby step-by-baby step, following Jesus. I'm also thankful that the Lord encourages us along the way. Thankful that I was never meant to do this alone, thankful for reassurance.
In Mark 5, Jesus shows up. A man needed a miracle and Jesus showed up to perform, much like Jesus shows up in our lives.
Mark 5:18-20-As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.”
The man, much like myself, did not know what was to come, had no clue what was next for him (or for me). But as every Christian should, he simply desired to be near to the Lord.
I think I was a pretty normal kid. I behaved in school, made good grades. I was a little (a lot) quiet, but I was okay with that. When I was 7ish, my parents split up. Back then, that was really hard on me. I felt like they were giving up and at the little age of 7, I decided that I would never, never get a divorce. ]
Middle school was so awkward for me. Looking back now, I don't know how I made it. I was young and needy and all over the daggum place. Those were definitely not my shining years and I don't think you could pay me enough money to go back and do them again. Middle school was just pretty rough for me. The world got pretty real for me then. I saw a lot of desire, from alcohol to money to sex to betrayal to deceit, everything. And I did not know how to handle it at all.
High school wasn't terrible. Not my favorite, but not so bad. In tenth grade, I met my best friend, who passionately and persistently invited me to church. After lots of no's (thank God she never gave up on me), I reluctantly said yes and the Lord took hold of me. Saved a few months later, baptized at 18. Since then, things haven't been steadily smooth sailing. I've accepted that my life won't ever be. I've struggled a lot, a whole lot, I've made a bunch of wrong decisions, and I've turned my back on Jesus more than once. But I'm so, so thankful for grace and forgiveness and patience. I'm thankful that the Lord met me where I was, that He accepted me when I had all of nothing and a whole lot of problems to bring. I'm thankful that I didn't meet Jesus until I was 18 because I firmly believe that I would have full-blown rejected the sweetness of Jesus if it had been sooner. I'm thankful that the Lord gave me a story to tell because I have zero clue where I would be now without Jesus. My views on a lot (sex, divorce, sin, corruption) have changed a lot since I met Jesus and for that, I'm thankful. I don't always think straightly, but I know very, very well that I'm dang better off now than I was before.
I think each of us has a great, great story to tell. This is just a small piece of mine, but I tell it boldly and confidently. I believe that there is a lot to be said about letting your guard down (trust me, I tend to be pretty terrible at this) and being open. I think beautiful things come from that. There's a lot of beauty in the words we speak and the stories we tell and the laughs we laugh and the things we do. I believe in telling those things and I believe they're worth hearing.
Mark 5:20-So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed.
I'm not sure why I felt the need to say this. I pray it speaks to someone. I am so in love with being in love with Jesus. Thanks for riding this out with me.
No comments:
Post a Comment