Forgotten God

I, as an girl, a teenager, an American, a loving heart, a future mom, a future wife, a big sister, a little sister, a Vacation Bible School teacher, a Christian Ministries major, a Christian, and a human, would be foolish to believe that I could ignore the recent events that have shaken our nation.

I'm not politically sound enough, educated on gun control enough, or even very intelligent enough, so you could surely read more posts that are much more encouraging and well-written than mine about the Sandy Hook Shooting on Friday.  But as I live through (above all others, a Christian) and get ready to live through (still, above all others, a Christian) all the things listed above, I find it harder and harder to ignore the shooting.

Everyone knows what happened.  For far too many people, worlds stopped spinning on Friday.  Glasses of optimism were turned upside down, water pouring out until absolutely nothing was left.  Parents, siblings, teachers, principals, public safety, Christians, non-Christians, everyone is left wondering how and why.

The question is asked over and over and I'd be lying if I said that I had an answer right away: "Where is God?"  

"Where is your God" would probably be more accurate of a question for a large percentage of modern-day America.  Being a Christian does not make this question that much easier to answer for me, if I can be real about it.  I would be lying if I said I didn't ask myself the same question.  That probably makes me look really bad as a Christian and I'm sorry about that.

I think that a lot of Christians (ME, ME, ME) today struggle with accepting God in some ways and rejected Him in others.  Like seeking God when we have a hard test coming up, but not seeking Him when it comes to a future spouse.  Trusting God with fixing our future, but living sinful, unjustified, "I-wouldn't-even-get-close-to-that-mess" lives now.  Praising God when times are good, but bashing God when things get rough.  

It seems that a lot of Christians (STILL ME) have bailed on God in the recent days.  Forgetting the character of God, we've resorted to trying to figure out the whys.  

Forget that God is faithful.  Why did this happen, God?

Forget that God is sovereign.  Why did this happen, God?

Forget that God is just.  Why did this happen, God?

Forget that God will forever reign.  Why did this happen, God?

Forget that God is the Alpha and the Omega.  Why did this happen, God?

Forget that God commands all things.  Why did this happen, God?

Forget that God is the only Healer.  Why did this happen, God?

Forget that God loves us.  Why did this happen, God?

If God is good all the time, why did this happen?  If God is for His people, why did this happen?

It's important for us to realize that God has a plan for all things, even the bad things.  He is working, even in this.  He is good, even in this.  He is here in the valley.  He is loving even when He is hard to find.  He is hope when there is no hope.

A little off topic, but seriously, I would be a wreck if I wasn't a Christian.  There would be no hope for tomorrow.  No light at the end of the tunnel.  I remember living that way and thinking that way.  Hallelujah for my Savior.  Hallelujah that He pulled me out of that.  

Anyway, we have to remember that God has a plan.  I've heard Steven Curtis Chapman describe it this way-

When we look at a picture and we're standing really close to it, it's so hard to understand what it is.  We can only focus on certain parts, only the parts we see.  But when we can step back and look at the bigger picture, it will all begin to make sense.

Here on earth, days later, it's beyond difficult to understand the murder of 26 people, 20 of those children ages 6-7.  We can't make sense of it.  And I may sound psycho and screwed up for even saying this, but I honestly believe that one day on Heaven's side of things, we'll all be able to understand.  The picture will make sense when we see the whole thing.  On this side of eternity, it's unfathomable ever being able to get it.  But if there's anything I know, it's that we worship the King of kings and I know that He has a plan.  In the pit, He has a plan and He is still working.  I've seen it with my own life.  Our God is good.  Our God is hope.

You Will Reign by Kristian Stanfill

Whom Shall I Fear by Chris Tomlin

Prayer Time:  God, I pray for the families directly affected by this horrible incident.  I pray that you surround them with hope, love, adoration, comfort, and a peace that only you could ever supply.  I pray for the sin of our nation, God.  I pray that Christians around the world would take this as the best time ever to rise up and shine for You.  I pray that you give us strength, endurance, and encouragement to stand for Your name.  I pray for the leaders of our country, God, that they would lead and seek wisdom for the future of our nation.  We may not understand all they do, but we know that you have put them in line and that there is a reason for you putting them in the leadership positions that they are in.  Thank you for your love and grace.  Thank you for your sin because in Him and only Him are our sins paid.  Thank you for loving us when we are so unlovable.  I pray that we take nothing for granted and live precious lives in light of you.  Thank you for all that you're doing, God, even here.  Thank you for the firm hope we have in you and your name.  Thank you for the promise of a better day.  It's in your son's name that I pray, amen.

Romans 8:28- "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:31-39- "What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for all of us, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?  Who shall bring any charge against God's elect?  It is God who justifies.  Who is to condemn?  Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised-- who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall tribulation, or distress  or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?  As it is written, 'For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.'  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

By the way, "more than conquerors" is my next tattoo.

By by the way, because of recent events, I've decided that after majoring in Christian Ministries  I'll be going into Children's Ministry.  I love the babies and I cannot, cannot, CANNOT wait to help them.

By by by the way, I love you guys that read this and put up with my rambling.  I'm praying for you guys, even those of you I don't know by name.  Y'all give me strength and bless me more than I can explain.  

By by by by the way, sorry for the confused rambling, I couldn't formulate this into a very well-written post.

By by by by by the way, <3.

Yours is the victory.  All glory, honor, power is Yours, amen.

Coming Home

"If you walk away from God, you walk away from the protection of God." -Perry Noble

I am so, so, so confused lately.  Confused about many things.
I don't believe in my worldly, secular head that I have "walked away from God" (By the way, you know you're justifying for yourself when you feel the need to put it in quotes.  Preaching to myself here).  I haven't left God, really, though I haven't turned to Him.  It's a crazy life I live, I tell you.  I'm pretty sure I'm the worst sinner out there.  I don't smoke weed or party or sleep around, but my heart's intentions are not good.  I'm deceitful and inconsistent and wavering in my faith.  I'm dishonest and fleeting.  

Like I said in another post, when you ask God to show you your sin, He'll make you feel disgusting in yourself.  Not only that, but He'll keep showing you long after you think you already got the point.  Even though I don't know which way is up lately and I feel so caught up, it's is so very exciting to know that God is working on me.  In the midst of this chaos, He has a plan for me.  In the midst of my dirtiness, He is stepping in to pull me out.  The Cleanest of Clean is stepping into the wreck of a life that I've made for myself and helping me.  Ladies and Gentlemen, THAT is a reason to rejoice.  God has not forgotten about me or you.

Anyway.  I always end up laughing (and I mean laughing hard like "Brenna, you're so stupid") at myself.  How in any universe did I think that I was in control of my life?  Like "Sure, God, you can have my future and my past.  But these present circumstances, calm down 'cause I got it.  I'm all over this, I don't need you here.  Just step in and save me later when I ask.  Don't intervene when you're not wanted, God."  

Are you kidding me?  I'm RIDICULOUS.  I have fallen flat on my face because of this.  My confusion is because I kicked God out and told Him I could handle it.  

Why would (and how could) I ever believe that God doesn't get me?  That God doesn't see the end of this and that if maybe, just maybe I handle it, it'll still be okay?  That God doesn't have my best interest at heart?  That Jesus came to save the real or hardcore sinners and that somehow, I don't fall into that category? 

When you step out of fellowship with Christ, you really do lose the protection of God.  I feel so under attack lately.  It seems like while some things are somewhat coming together, other things are miserably falling apart.    I stepped out of an intimate relationship with the Lord and stepped into the world.  I can handle it, God.  Really.  Chill out.  This is my life, not yours.  And that sounds so ridiculous, but when you sum up what I've done and the thoughts I've had, it boils down to that harsh reality.

The devil takes this little loss of fellowship and makes it explode, y'all.  He will make you forget that God even exists.  You forget that the victory has been won already and that God comes out on top at the end of EVERY day, EVERY year, EVERY season.  Hallelujah for that kind of King.  

The beautiful thing about being a Christian is not only being able to rest in the truth that God will always reign, forever, but being able to come Home when you run.  Perry preached on this Sunday and I didn't even know that this was where this post was headed, but of course God's divine intervention would have me here.  No matter how fast I run from God, all I have to do is turn around.  The beautiful thing is that it's never too late to turn around.  I can run my whole life, even persecute the name of Christ, but all I have to do is turn around.

Y'all, God is good.  I say that way too much and never enough all at the same time.  We are so blessed to have a religion and a Risen King that allows us to simply come Home.  We don't have to earn Home or the King back.  There's nothing we could do to earn that.  In fact, everything would do should stop us from receiving that.

Today is a good day to be blessed.  God reigns, day after day, everyday, forevermore.  Eternal and forever. I know a lot of things make me excited, but I hope this makes you excited like it makes me excited.  God is forever and sovereign over us, even when we walk away.

Prayer Time: God, thank you for all that you are.  Thank you because we can dwell in Your presence, even when we persecute Your name.  Thank you for reigning over our lives and giving us a reason to have joy and hope.  Thank you for calling us Home.  Help us to remember you, God, and you alone.  In Your Son's name I pray, amen.

"Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed.  When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals--one on his right, the other on his left.  Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.' And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.  The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him.  They said, 'He saved others; let him save himself is he is the Christ of God, the Chosen One.'  The soldiers also came up and mocked him.  They offered him wine vinegar and said, 'If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself.'  There was a written notice above him, which read: THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS.  One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: 'Aren't you the Christ?  Save yourself and us!'  But the other criminal rebuked him.  'Don't you fear God,' he said, 'since you are under the same sentence?  We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve.  But this man has done nothing wrong.'  Then he said, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.'  Jesus answered him, 'I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.'"  Luke 23:32-43

Don't miss that Jesus forgave a real-life criminal that was moments away from his death and Hell.  Jesus welcomed him Home even then, as He Himself hung on a cross for the sins of the world.  Hallelujah, what a Savior.

Also.  THIS, THIS, THIS.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K48-Li7lIfA

Faithful Forever, Perfect in Love

It's been almost a month since I've been to this familiar place.  Bible open, laptop buzzing, water bottle half empty, me at my desk.  It's sad to come here and not know what to say.

Sovereign Over Us by Aaron Keyes - Listen first.  Repeat about 42 times.

To say the past month has been "a little rough" on me would be the understatement of the century.  To say a lot has happened would be a fib.  I've hit everything over the past month.

God has challenged me, absolutely rocked me to my core.  I warn you that if you ask for God to show you all the filth that you are, you'll be disgusted by yourself.  If you ask God to show you the sin in the world because you think you can kind of sweep it under the rug, He'll leave you queasy and teary-eyed, wondering how, how, how.

People will fail you.  As much as I hate that, they will.  Not everyone is going to love you and not everyone is going to be like you.  I've been challenged in my relationships, academically, in my own sinful desire, in the way I interact with people, and plainly in my faith.  

What do you do when your whole glass of optimism is poured out?  I mean, that sounds dramatic and teenage-girl-y.  But really, what do you do?  This is a question that I've been forced to ask myself, but I'd be lying if I said I reacted the right way.

Ignoring God is not the answer.  Indulging in whatever you please is not the answer.  Ranting and complaining is not the answer.  Not seeking help is not the answer.  I would know because I've tried.

It's a humbling, terrifying, empty, wholly, holy place where you see that God is all you have.  Things happen and things change and as much as I tried, I couldn't fix the wrong.  I tried, promise.  But God made it more and more evident to me that the only thing that could fix the void was Jesus Christ and my faith in Him.

Praise God for being forever.  He is unshaken, unchanging, un-surprised (why is this not a word?) by our circumstances, eternal, and loving.  When things shock me, God is not surprised.  In fact, He's been preparing me the whole way.  He slowly broke my relationships to force me to depend on Him, so that when the bottom fell out, He was unshaken while I was left empty-handed, dazed and confused, and terrified for the future.

Listen closely.  God is good.  He is worthy of all that we are and a million times more.  Seriously, thank God that He is not human like I am.  If God wasn't supernatural, we'd all be doomed.

Rest assured in the hope that is in the Lord.  Rest assured in who He calls you.  Your identity in Him is priceless and irreplaceable.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.  You are His.  You are held by the King.  He has made you righteous.

It's never to late to come back and it's never too early to stop yourself.  Don't let Satan have a foothold in your life, even for a moment.  Never in a million years will it be worth it.

Prayer Time:  Dear God, thank You.  I could never say that enough times, but hallelujah, what a Savior.  Thank You for all that You are and all that You're doing.  It's in Jesus' name that I pray, amen.

1 Corinthians 10:24-27- Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Psalm 139:9-16- If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Sorry for the rambling.  Thanks for putting up with me.  Promise to come back soon <3