I've been considering seasons a lot lately. This post has been sitting in my drafts for a few months now because I've been trying to solidify my thoughts on seasons. Here's the best I've got.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8: "For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace."
With that, it's evident that different things come at different times, both of which are done at the Lord's will. I've always resisted change, so it's funny that inconsistency in my life brought me to the knowledge I now have about seasons.
Not everything is meant to last forever. In my head, I believe and know and trust that. But in my heart, I'll deny that for myself for a long, long time. In my heart, I want things to last forever. That's the dreamy idealist in me and the reason that I'm as resistant to change as I am. I need consistency.
The Lord has been teaching me a lot. I say that often, and every time I say it, I mean it. Lately, He's been showing me how it's okay for things to end. It's okay to move on. It's okay to let some things go. And it's okay to not understand why things need to be let go.
I've been wrestling with some things in my heart lately. Some relationships (especially friendships) because those are changing (and are about to change a lot). Some of my past because it's colliding with my future in new ways and I'm not 1000% sure on how to navigate those waters. Some upcoming decisions to be made (Jesus is making those for me, thank goodness. we're trusting Him on those). And I feel now, more than ever, that I'm at a point in my life where my fate is up to me.
I think I've been making decisions for myself for a long time, but up until this point in my life, those decisions have been sorta easy to blame on others. It's been easy to say that this happened because of this, which led to this and brought me to that. I think I'm pretty good at blaming people/circumstances/God for the decisions I make.
Anyway. Back to seasons. With all of this about seasons, I've come to accept that not everything will last forever. Especially relationships. There are some people that don't need to stay in your heart forever. And that's a tough pill to swallow. Blame (told you I can blame anything) my middle-child-syndrome, but I'm a peace-maker. So I would rather assume that every single person I come into contact with is there for a significant reason than to accept that some things are meant to be learned, and then moved on from. They need me to show them Jesus or they need me to love them unconditionally or they need me for whatever. I think that's a dangerous place to be. It's dangerous to excuse people and things and circumstances in the name of love, especially when you sacrifice yourself and your beliefs for those things. Not everyone can have your forever. I think we decorate our resistance to change with words like "I'm praying for him", "we're working it out together", "we need to have that conversation" (knowing good and well that you will not have that conversation), or "it'll fix itself". We can talk about our problems all day long, but until we decide to act on things, we continue to excuse ourselves for sitting and doing nothing about it (guilty as charged) [also, that's a whole other rant for another day].
Seasons end because things change. And that's okay. If seasons didn't end, we'd be happy or sad or mad or frustrated or confused or angry or hurt or joyful forever. And there's no learning in that. There's no growth in that. Plus, that would really suck.
God has a funny way of teaching us things. Like oh, Brenna, you don't like change? Well, here's a lot of change, do with it as you will. I rejoice in those moments because that's where we're found. We're defined by the ways that we react to the times where we're thrown around a bit. And I'm thankful that Jesus has chosen this season to confront me with that.
thank you, God, that you're good. thank you that you teach us and guide us. thank you for discernment. thank you for happy and sad seasons. thank you for change. I pray that as we change, we would not forget that you are unchangeable, that you are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. help me to rest in that truth and that promise. help me to dwell in your house and to know you well. thank you for promises that are fulfilled. thank you for grace when we need forgiveness. thank you for knowing our hearts and knowing what we need better than we know. in Christ's name I pray, amen.
“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says 'Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.' ― Lewis Carroll