Playing with fire only gets you burned.

Hm.  I'm not even sure I should post about this yet because I'm feeling about 4 million different emotions and none of them are stable.  I've cried (a whole, whole lot), laughed, smiled, hurt, slept, slept, and slept, and tried to pull myself together.  So really, this is just me preaching to myself.

Isn't it ironic how God is always right?  If for no other reason for the Bible, I'm learning over and over that it is truth.  If you attempt to strip away everything else and only look at the "rules" of the Bible, you'll learn that the "rules" are for a "stable" (for lack of a better word) life.  Don't get drunk.  Don't kill people.  
Don't date out of your faith.

That's last one is one I've been struggling with for the past eight months or so.  That's a long time to wrestle with something that the Bible speaks so clearly about, right?

"Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands?" The Message, 2 Corinthians 6:14-15

I've always flirted with fire.  I've even chanted this as my anthem before--playing with fire will only get you burned.  But I like fire and I play with it, even when I know I shouldn't.

I wouldn't say that the choices I make/made were made out of direct disobedience to the Lord and to the plan that He has for me, but have you ever gotten so hopeful for something that you're willing to sacrifice even the most precious of things for it?

I don't necessarily believe that it is always hopeful for anything specifically, but hopeful for something. Anything.  For me, it was hope for love.  

Over this eight-month journey, I'm almost sure I've covered every sin in the Bible.  I've doubted God's plan for me, doubted God's faithfulness to me, doubted God's sovereignty.  I've twisted the morals of the Bible into what I want them to say, twisted the plan God has for me into our (really, all mine) plan, twisted my relationships to make them look "Christian".

With shaky hands, I'm here to warn you to listen to God.  Listen and listen until He calls you home.  Do not for one second assume that you know better.  Do not push God away.  Do not disobey Him.  When you step out of obedience to God, you step out of His perfect protection and disobedience to God will always lead to your downfall. 

I promise you, the broken heart is not worth it.  The emotional train wreck that I'm just beginning to get a taste of is absolutely not worth it.  If you ever have to question whether the Lord would allow you to do something, don't.  It's not worth it.  Yes means yes in the same light as no means no.

Listen to your friends.  Listen to their judgment because they know you well and if you're anything like me, they know you well enough to biblically and lovingly confront you.  Listen to your head.  Think logically, realistically, and practically.  Your heart is dangerous.  Don't give up on God.  Don't stop reading your Bible.  Don't assume you're alone and don't assume He doesn't care.  Don't stop going to church.  And please, for the love of all that is good, don't stop seeking God.

And, for when you fail, because I know you will (temptation is weighty and the world is constantly chasing us to follow it.  the world will win sometimes.  that's okay; keep going.), remind yourself that you are not defined by rejection.  You are not defined by what the world will call you.  You are not defined by creation, but rather, by Creator.  He knows you.  He loves you.  Before He formed you in the womb, He had a plan for you.  He knew you'd fail Him and He knows you'll continue to.  He knows your heart.  He knows your head.  He knows what you need, when you need it, how you need it, and how to deliver it.  Jesus sees the end and this isn't it.  

Sweet child, don't be stupid.  Don't be reckless.  Don't lie to yourself.  Don't let your heart rule your life.  Don't play with fire.  Don't dance with the devil.  

Love with all you've got, but guard your precious heart.  Guard it because it's fragile and God lives there.  When you let God out, you let Satan end and that will never end well for you.

and finally, don't be discouraged by the troubles.  Though we sometimes (almost always) bring them on ourselves, we have a hope that is firm and secure.  Tomorrow is a new day and that, my friends, is reason to rejoice.  Never stop loving or hoping or praying or giving or loving or loving or loving.  Love is huge.

I pray that you walk in a way that is pleasing to the Lord.  You are so dearly loved by me.  Smile and love, be happy and be beautiful.  You absolutely deserve it.  

Prayer Time:  Thank you, God, for never giving up on me when I so recklessly give up on you.  Thank you for loving me in spite of me.  Thank you for forgiveness and acceptance and your reign.  Thank you for hope and a future, a plan that is much more prosperous than the ones that I create for myself.  Thank you for making a way for me, even when you knew I'd choose other ways.  Thank you for grace and redemption.  Thank you for salvation and righteousness.  I pray that you would strength us to walk in a way that is honoring to you.  I pray that as we go out, we would love and love, but guard ourselves.  I pray that you would strengthen us to follow Your will and then, strengthen us to come back home when we don't.  In Your Son's name I pray, amen.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:12-17

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11

thank you to my faithful readers. even in my absence, y'all are a comfort to me. i pray for you guys often and i love you so, so much. thanks for journeying this thing called life alongside me.
keep smiling, it's only uphill from here.

Defining Brenna

Two months?! Has is really been that long?!

life has been on speed lately, hahah. I have somewhere in the ballpark of 25 days left of school before my freshman year is over.  and if that's not wild enough, how about the fact that I'll be 19 in a month and a half?

I feel like "times flies" is probably the biggest understatement of life, ever.  Really, time goes.  It doesn't just fly by, because that would say that we kind of see it pass, right?  No, time is just gone.  I thought I had time and now time is gone. left. over.

I guess you can guess that I'm a little distraught over time lately. Time has always stressed me out and now, it's definitely no different.  I love that summer is almost here, but I'm stressed thinking everything.

I'm going to attempt to explain what all has happened since my last post.  Bear with me (like always).  
I changed my major a couple weeks ago.  I'm now an Early Childhood Education major.  Ministry just didn't fit.  I learned that you can't call yourself to something—God has to do that, you know?  Full-time ministry just was not my calling.  So right now, I'm an Early Childhood Education major, Ministry minor.  And I feel good about that for the time being.  I don't know.  We'll see.  I've always struggled with things like this.  Like the future, hahahhaa.
I'll be an RA next year.  This is absolutely different than what I had planned for how I would spend the year, but the Lord had other plans for me (usually and typically).  I'm getting excited now because I know that it's all God's will for me.  I wouldn't have chosen this for myself, so I trust His judgment.
I'm learning a lot.  A lot doesn't even begin to scratch the surface.  So much is happening and I'm trying to grab what I can.  I know some of the decisions I'm making maybe aren't in my best interest, but I'm trying.  I'm failing in a lot of places, but I'm learning.  I'm growing up and right now, that's enough of an answer for me.  It sounds cliche, but I'm only young once, right?

It's kind of sad that I wrapped up my whole life from two months in two short paragraphs, hahaha.  But really, not all that much has changed.  I still love orange juice and springtime weather and home and sleeping.  Sleeping, lots and lots of sleeping.  In some places, I think I've matured, while in others, I've become more childlike.  No one told me freshman year would be like this, hah.  It's not really a problem, per say, just not what I expecting.

I guess I'm finding myself.  It's taking me a while, but it's about dang time.  I'm defining myself and I have no clue what that looks like now, but I look forward to knowing.

Thanks for listening to me ramble.  I do that even more now than I used to, so bear with me as I get back into the swing of things.  Love y'all, really.  


Colossians 3:12-15-  "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful."