good things come to those who wait.

How quick we are to lose hope and how slow we are to wait on the Lord.

Last night, plagued by my recent inability to rest, I stumbled upon an article that seems almost written by Jesus himself for me in my time of wandering.  At first glance, I thought this was an article about waiting until marriage as it is titled the gift of waiting.  I am waiting for marriage, but I rolled my eyes at, what I thought was, another post condemning those who do not wait.  Rather, in the post, Sara tells the story of falling for her now husband, then best friend and the waiting that the Lord called the two of them to do.

I specialize in never waiting.  I’m basically an expert at it, especially when it comes to waiting on the Lord.  If I want it, I want it now and I don’t want to argue with you about how screwed up that is.  Partially, I think it’s our culture.  We’re taught that you can have whatever you want, whenever you want.  Contrary to our society, Jesus calls us to be patient and wait upon the Lord (Psalm 37). 

If emotional well-being can be ranked on a 1-10 scale, on a normal day, I’m about a 7.  By that, I mean that I could cry if I needed to, I smile a lot, I face some unwelcome thoughts that captivate my head and heart, my patience is short, and my mood swings are high.  I’m pretty okay with 7, though.  Lately, with recent things and my End of Summer Blues, I’ve become about a 12.  Aka Jesus music, country music, and rap music could all make me (and have made me) cry within the span of a few minutes, I tear up if I think even a little bit, I can’t sleep well and don’t have much of an appetite because of stress, and I just genuinely don’t feel good.

I don’t say all that to complain [though we both knew I could find a way to ;) ], but I say that to testify to the way that I have done everything but wait for the Lord.  In her article, Sara talks about being emotional and questioning what God was doing and hurting and I could not say “YES” enough while reading that because been there, done that, currently doing it.

Satan is good at convincing us that we are alone in our struggles.  He convinces us that no one really cares about them, that God cannot be found in our little storms, that He really isn’t bigger than whatever we’re facing.  I think the alone part is why we do so well when others talk about their struggles.  It makes us realize that we are not alone and our human nature craves that comfort like a newborn craves milk.  We need that affirmation and that support. 

So, to hear someone via her own blog say that she struggled with this too, my heart found hope for the first time in a while.  And to hear her say that waiting on the Lord led to the blessings she now has, “the best is yet to come” rang loud and clear in my soul.

We so easily forget about Jesus.  He supplies our blessings and He anchors our soul, but as soon as He changes our foolish, small, human plans, we run in the opposite direction; we end up confused and hurt and frustrated. 

The Bible says that the Lord does not withhold any good thing from those who do what is right [Psalm 84:11].  It’s easy to think of God as someone who takes away our good things and gives us whatever He desires, as if He doesn’t want us to be happy.  But the Lord gives perfect gifts and it is so, so foolish of us to ever assume that because He calls us away from one thing, He has taken away any type of that thing forever.  As if He only puts desires in our hearts to snatch them away and tell us no.

“It was hard.  I had gone through this whole process of believing for something, and then being told I could have it – but not yet.  God’s promises are funny like that.  Sometimes He shows us what He has for us and then He invites us in to the refining place of waiting and contending – not because we need to earn something but because He wants to stamp us with His image in those places.  There’s a piece of His heart to be found in the waiting.

I think in that season the piece of His heart I found was that He’s for me, no matter what.  He was stamping on me a belief that His promises are true, and the things He promises are worth fighting for.”

Jesus is good.  When we are down to our last strings, Jesus always, always, always gives hope.  Waiting on the Lord grants us that hope.  While we wait, we believe and hold fast to His goodness, His kindness, His faithfulness, His sweetness, and His unfailing love.  And when our waiting seems silly, we remember His goodness, His kindness, His faithfulness, His sweetness, His unfailing love, and His promise to bless obedience.

“When God made His promise to Abraham, since there was no one greater for Him to swear by, He swore to Himself, saying ‘I will surely bless you and give you many descendants.’  And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised.” Hebrews 6:13-15

“Yet he [Abraham] did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised.” Romans 4:20-21

“People swear by someone greater than themselves, and the oath confirms what s said and puts an end to all argument.  Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, He confirmed it with an oath.  God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged.  We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. “ Hebrews 6:16-19

Friends, I encourage you to find hope that does not quit, weaken, or fade in the Lord.  He is good and He is faithful and He has so much love & adoration for His children.

"And cheers to all the rest of you — those things you’re contending for are worth it. Keep going."

In regards to my last post: I have never felt so loved by friends, family, and random strangers.  The love that was shown to me is something I will not soon forget.  You people made the harder days easier.  Thank you for being so encouraging and so sweet to me.  The Lord is good and He has good things in store.  Thank you for loving me so well.  My heart is full. 

declaring truths for bad days

Friends, I'm hurting.

Life is tough when you make one plan and God makes another.  Proverbs 16:9 says that in their hearts, humans make their own plans, but the Lord is the one that guides those steps.  Allison told me that verse one time like way back in November of last year and it's stuck with me since.  Though it's been on my heart, I've been foolishly faithful to continue in my own planning.

I bought myself those flowers today cause I think sometimes you have to make your own sunshine.  I still believe that the Lord is good and that His goodness never runs out and that He is faithful and that He blesses us, but sometimes things come up and it gets hard to feel those things.

I'll spare you of all the details, but I was sure that one day, I would introduce a certain boy to this blog.  Apparently the Lord had other plans in mind for both he and I.

I took the news hard, then easier.  I slept on it and after lots and lots of praying, I feel better.  It's funny how Jesus handles us so well.  I trust him and I trust that Jesus still has sweet things in store.

I still believe that the Lord is the same yesterday, today, and forever (i still believe).  I still believe that His goodness, His kindness, and His faithfulness persists through the night.  And "though my eyes cannot see every step, I remember the strength of your love, O God; I’ll hold onto the peace you bring" (i will trust You).  I still believe those things to be true, but it will take some convincing and some chanting and maybe some standing-on-furniture declaring for me to hear those truths ring surely for myself.  I know that Jesus is bigger than any wrench that is thrown in my plans.

Aside from that, I move in exactly two weeks.  All the things happening.  So many things.  When I move, I'll be stepping into the role of Senior Resident Advisor.  I'm very excited about that undertaking and I'm even more excited to work with a personal staff of 11 other college students and an even bigger staff of 50ish that have a passion for Anderson, for serving, and for the Lord.

Between now and the time that I'll leave, I'll work, work, work, get some of my hall decorations ready, pack like a madwoman, pray some huge prayers, and love on as many people as I can.  And I'll spend lots of time with Jesus because I so need Him.

I ask that you would pray for me.  Pray for my heart.  Pray that I would not only say that the Lord is good and that He has good things in store, but that I would truly and honestly believe that.

Here's to my junior year.  Here's to the emotions it will bring and the anxiety it will cause and the smiles that I'll smile, the laughs I'll laugh, the prayers I'll pray, and the memories that I cannot wait to make.  I love, love, love this season, even when it goes unexpectedly.  I am so thankful that Jesus satisfies.  He so, so satisfies and He is more than enough.

I'm sure that I'll have lots to update on next time (though I promised in the last post that I would be normal by this one, lolol), but for now, that's about all I can manage.  

You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water. [Psalm 63:1]

bad days are bad, but Jesus is so good.  With my head held high, onward we go.

bear with me, maybe I'll be normal again soon

thank you God for saving me

I make a lot of mean comments.

I say a lot of unkind things.  I say things that don't need to be said.  I think thoughts that I shouldn't think.  I'm selfish sometimes (a whole lot) and I'm greedy and I have this thought that it's my way or the highway.

I've known these things about myself for a while and I've been working towards fixing these things in myself.  It's been a humbling, eye-opening experience.  I thought I was doing pretty okay, only to find out that my pride made me really not okay.

Through realizing all of this, I've realized how sweet the Lord really is.  He is sweet and kind and so, so loving.  I bring nothing good to the table, yet He sets a buffet out for me.  I'm unclean and prone to wander and really undeserving, but I'm so thankful that the perfect One loves me anyway.  

I've been humbled a lot.  Humbled by the fact that God loves me anyway, humbled by the fact that He chose me anyway, humbled by the love that was preciously poured out for me anyway.  In spite of a lot of me and in spite of a lot that I am, Jesus still called me.

Things in my life have been a little chaotic lately.  I've been emotional and busy and kind of stressed out.  And I feel like I can't really think straight.  I call this the End of Summer Blues, hahaha.  I'm so excited to go back to Anderson and nervous about leaving home and happy & also nervous about all the things that are happening.  I'm hopeful and prayerful and ready and at the same time, so not ready.  

I guess that is what makes blogging hard lately.  Quite honestly, I love a lot and I hate a lot right now. I'm so, so thankful that in spite of my wavering, God is constant anyway.  I trust, believe, and find hope in the goodness of Him who is much more able than I.  Praise Jesus for that. 

hard days are hard, but Jesus is good and I will never tire of that truth.

___________________________________________________________

O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory. Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you! {Psalm 63:1-3}

these are a few of my favorite things.

nothing holding me back by bryan & katie torwalt

It's been almost a month.  WHAT.  No wonder I've been so crazy lately, lolol.

I've deemed this summer the Summer of Roadtrips.  In the last month, I've been to Anderson, Travelers Rest, Easley, Ninety Six, Greenville, Cashiers, NC, Augusta, and everywhere in between.  I've seen lots of people and done lots of things.  Here are some of those things:

Jesus has taught me a lot.  I think I'm probably one of His #1 clients because He seems to always be working on me, haha.  The Lord has done mega work in me.  He's been teaching me about myself, about others, and about Himself.  Since it's been 23 days, here are 23 (and really, I'm limiting myself here, I could go on forever) Jesus truths I've learned [and lately, these are my favorite things]:

1. Jesus is big, big, big enough.

2. Jesus is very sweet, sweeter than I deserve.

3. Jesus is faithful always.

4. Jesus gives hard times because we need hard times.

5. Jesus is the only perfect example of love.

6. Jesus is much wiser than we are.

7. Jesus is present and with us.

8. Jesus always provides enough.

9. Jesus gives us life and without Him, there would be no point.

10. Jesus is a friend that we should commune with.

11. Jesus blesses us even when we don't deserve it.

12. Jesus fixes our messes.

13. Jesus is kind. 

14. Jesus is concerned about our hearts, not our "needs".

15. Jesus makes the "bad" times worth it.

16. Jesus knows best [even when I'm convinced I do]. 

17. Jesus is the only one that can genuinely heal.

18. Jesus is more than we think we need.

19. Jesus is close and near.

20. Jesus is the only sure hope.

21. Jesus has a perfect plan that is what is best for us.

22. Jesus adores and desires us.

23. Jesus can't be stopped.

It's been a blast.  Some of my favorite times have been over the last couple months.  I've met some awesome people, I've been blessed by good community, and I've gotten a glimpse of the love that Jesus has for me.  I've felt loved and prayed for and provided for and cared about and I know that Jesus has provided all of those feelings.

In the midst of all my roadtripping, the Lord has been working on me.  I've had to face some harsh realities.  He has shown a lot of things to me, both about myself and about the world, and it's been uncomfortable.

I've learned a lot about my sin.  Like the way that I can be relentlessly selfish or the way I have an insatiable need to control everything or the way unkind remarks I say and think when people fail to meet my expections.  In regards to what I've learned about the world, it would be that no one cares about meeting my expectations.  Hah.  That sort of seems like an obvious one, but I'm having to constantly remind myself of it [easier said than done]. 

In all things, I trust and believe that Jesus is good.  I trust and believe that He has my best in store.  I trust and believe that the sacrifice of Jesus was and is enough to cover all the troubles I make.  I trust and believe that love is the sweetest thing.  And I stand firm in the fact that the Lord is sweet.

I'm more than thankful that Jesus never found it hard to love me because lately, I find a lot of things hard to love.  I'm thankful that His love doesn't waver cause mine sure does.

In the times that I find my life to be "hard", Jesus proves to be best.  Over and over and over again.  When I try to give the perfect qualities of Jesus to the people around me, they fail me and Jesus reminds me that He is the only perfect one.  

Jesus makes it good.  Jesus makes the bad times manageable and the good times sweeter.  He makes the things that are supposed to screw me up the things that honor Him best.  He makes my heart better and my hope solid.  

Jesus can work in the wreckage of my heart.  Over and over, He has proven Himself faithful to me and I'm blown away by His goodness.

I'm not sure I accomplished much of anything by this rambling, but if you declare something enough, you can start to believe it.

Thank you, Jesus, that you are immeasurably more.  Thank you for being a friend to me.  Thank you for loving me when I make myself unlovable.  Thank you for adoring me enough to sacrifice everything for me.  Thank you for providing for me.  Thank you for fixing my heart and calling me Yours.  Help me to never forget that.  

ps: I'll probs be back soon with a *hopefully* much more coherent post.  Thanks for reading anyway.