#marchmadness

"Now and then, it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

Sometimes you need lazy Sundays.  Sundays of pajamas and poptarts, Sara Bareilles and Mat Kearney, spring cleaning and stumbling upon things you didn't mean to stumble upon.  You need to cry some and smile and laugh at yourself and think, think, think.

If you knew how many times I started this post, only to change my mind and erase it all, you'd count your blessings that I didn't post all of those other ones.  My head is a little cloudy now.  All the thoughts and all the things.

"She couldn't remember the last time she had tried something new.  So she decided to walk through her fear and give herself the gift of something she had never done before.  It didn't matter if it was big or small, it was just for her and she deserved it."

That's sort of where I'm at lately.  Choosing to see things differently than I did before.  I've learned a lot about myself, relationships, the world, life, Jesus, my calling, and so much more.  I feel pretty tugged in a lot of directions.  Which isn't bad, promise that it's a pleasure to see Jesus working in me.  But it's left me somewhat emotionally drained.  

Onward we go.  Pursuing happiness, but resting in the current state of things.  Loving people and ourselves and the world and Jesus.  I'm trying really hard to soak it all up.  I can't believe that my sophomore year of college is almost over.  I can't believe that my niece is almost four or that I'll be home for summer soon and that'll be real interesting or that I'm making so many new friends lately.  And I'm maybe a little in denial of the fact that Jesus is opening some doors, but closing others.  Yet, we'll continue on, heads held high and faces set forward.

It's very interesting to me how we (as in people) still smile.  I call that resilience.  That, despite all the world has to throw against us, we march on, to the beat of our own drums.  Those things stacked against us are hardly a factor in our pursuit of goodness.  What a marvelous thought that we aren't defined by what happens to us, but rather, how we react to those things.

I'm really thankful for Jesus.  I'm thankful that He continues to reveal His character to me more and more.  He's a friend, a dear companion, a helper, an encourager, a believer in me, a firm foundation.  He's so much more than just someone that saved me from my sin and I'm blessed to realize that.  It's crazy how all things (literally, every single thing) come back to Him.

And in addition to being thankful for the person of Jesus, I'm thankful for the person that Jesus is in me.  I'm thankful that He can be trusted to work in me.  I'm thankful that anything good in me is a direct reflection of His goodness.  I'm thankful that the words I say and the actions I do are only because Jesus is in me.  Let me not boast in that being my own because I would be so sadly mistaken.

Thank you, Jesus, that you're good.  Thank you for the sweet things you have for us.  Thank you for making a way when we couldn't.  Thank you for working in us.  Thank you for showing us the way when we get lost.  Thank you for seeking us and for protecting us.  Thank you for community to help us.  Thank you for sweet words and firm promises.  Thank you for be the God of immeasurably more.  Thank you for your perfect plan, even when we don't see it's perfection.  In Jesus' name, amen.

Philippians 3:12-16: Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

"She dared to believe that what was in her head and in her heart were worthy of her attention and action.  And when she put her mind to it, she could do anything."

Thanks for reading my thoughts.  I know they're all over the place, but I'm thankful for you, too.  Happy Sunday.

Dance With Me, Baby

"Magic.

Read this to yourself.  Read it silently.

Don't move your lips.  Don't make a sound.  

Listen to yourself.  Listen without hearing anything. 

What a wonderfully weird thing, huh?

NOW MAKE THIS PART LOUD!

SCREAM IT IN YOUR MIND!

DROWN EVERYTHING OUT.

Now, hear a whisper.  A tiny whisper.

Now, read this next line with your best crotchery-old-man voice:

'Hello there, sonny.  Does your town have a post office?'

Awesome!  Who was that?  Whose voice was that?

It sure wasn't yours! 

How do you do that?

How?!

Must be magic."

I've described about 400 things as being "interesting" in the last month or so.  Which basically translates to I've been thinking a lot.

Dance With Me, Baby by Ben Rector

When I was home for spring break, Madison, my almost four year old niece, asked me to have a "dance party" with her.  There was no music, the lights were on, and we were in pajamas.  But we danced.  And it was so, so fun.  

I think you can learn a lot about a person by their willingness to dance with you.  I'm nowhere near the world's best dancer, but some of the most fun I've ever had included dancing.  And I think that's a universal thing.  That's why we love parties and proms and wedding receptions.  And so many cultures can be defined by the way they dance.  

With that said and with my love for dancing, I think there are two types of people in the world: (1) those who will dance with you because you asked them to and (2) those that will refuse to dance with you because they don't dance.

Jesus has taught me a lot about the differences in these two types of people.  They're very different.  Type 1 will dance because you asked them to.  They value you.  They want to make you happy and though their terrible dance moves might make you sad, they're willing to try.  They care what you think and how you feel.  They desire to be close to you.  And though they aren't necessarily the best of dancers, they're willing to try because it's what you want.  And I think it really is as simple as that.  Type 2 is more complicated.  I think their opinions are a little more persuaded by the opinions of others, versus the opinion of you.  I think that when you genuinely care about a person, you'll do what you need to do to let them know that.  I don't necessarily believe that this type is the bad guy, but I do think that their desire to please you is a little lost and caught up in other things.

Maybe I'm reading too much into things?  Probably (DEFINITELY).  But I firmly believe this.  I really do.  And I think dancing is important.

It's very interesting (that word) to me how we have the power to be whoever we want to be.  We have a lot of power within us.  And we have power within us that can big time influence others.  Today, a little something happened, and when this little something happened, I felt some of my power start to slip.  I said "oh shoot", got a little panicky, and couldn't figure out how to react.  But you know what?  Someone only has power over you when you decide to let them.  Like the Magic poem, Bo Burnham used some power over you to help you to see magic.  And that was a good thing.  On the other hand, some people use their power to make you feel not-so-good.  But had you decided to not read the poem as Bo said or had you decided not to give that person not-so-good power over you, things would be totally different.  Life really is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.  And once we believe and accept that the power is ours, we're unstoppable.  The fear is gone and the dread is no longer because you have the power to choose how you react.

"Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers."

Spring Break was good.  Home was good.  Aiken was good.  Seeing family was really good.  Not having to think about homework or tests or midterms was REALLY good.  But I'm real happy to be back in Anderson.  There's only a little more than a month left (whut. whut. whut), so things are about to get a wee bit busy.  But I'm thankful for college and for an education.  It's hard to believe that I only have two years left.  Also hard to believe (and accept) that in 71 days, I'll be 20 years old.  

I'm excited for what's to come.  That's the first time in a long time that I've been able to say that and truly mean it.  And even when I said it at the start of the year, I wasn't as excited as I am now.  I'm excited for Jesus.  Actually, THRILLED for Jesus.  He does pretty big things with our lives when we give him the power to do so.

I'm thankful that I don't, won't, and can't have everything figured out.  I'm thankful that my job is just to trust Jesus and pursue Him in the good and in the bad.  Which, I totally admit and testify to, gets easier and easier when you choose to hear His voice over others.  The closer you seek to be to Him, the greater the benefit for you.  

Here's to life.  This is it and we choose to live it well (YES).  Here's to happiness and the pursuit of it.  

"At times, the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe there is much more good in it than bad.  All you have to do is look hard enough, and what might seem like a series of unfortunate events may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey."

"Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens."

Also, if you haven't read this, yes: This Woman Has Something Important To Say To You

perspective: a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.

"blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light."

Sometimes, when I try to write, I get really distracted by everyone else's words.  Aka upon beginning this post, I've ready four articles, unintentionally (but sorta intentionally) stumbling upon all of them.

I tell you what, college sucks.  I've been drowning lately.  Too much work, too many papers, lots of quizzes, more than two midterms, exams, and random space-filling assignments.  In addition to that, I've been navigating the waters of people.  Which is much easier said than done.

Someone recently gave me this nugget of advice: try to see the forest more and the trees less.

Jesus works in some really real ways.  It's very interesting to me how people that don't know you terribly well and quite frankly, don't think they have you figured out, can say little random things that get your gears seriously turning.

All day, I've been thinking about that, about the trees.  I think the same can be said about oceans.  If we choose to focus on each individual wave, there isn't an abundant amount of beauty in that.  But entire seas have captivated us for centuries.  Or fields.  A 1x1 patch of grass with one dandelion isn't so significant in comparison a mile wide field of dandelions.  

I firmly believe that all parts of our lives, maybe even life itself, are/is based on the theory of perspective.  That it really is all about how you see things, how you choose to see things, and how that choice runs its course through our bodies, minds, and hearts.  Newton's third law says that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.  If this is true, which we know it is, we know that every decision we make has a consequence.  Every perspective that we choose to take has a reaction.  The way we choose to see has lasting effects on the lives we (indirectly and sometimes directly) choose to live.  Perspective has the power to make you or break you.  And it will do both when fitting.

Lately, my perspective has been pretty jacked up.  I'm happy and I'm hopeful, but I also suck at being content sometimes.  I think that that is the reason that my head is really attracted to stress and anxiety.  My perspective is all out of whack because I choose to look at the individual trees instead of the forest.  There's beauty in the forest, but I promise you that you won't see it until you learn to see the gracefulness, beauty, and intricate pattern of the forest.

One of my favorite bloggers ever, Lindsey Mead (A Design So Vast) said this: "almost all suffering comes from our attachment to how we thought it was going to be."  We choose the perspective that most identifies with how we want for it to be.  I'm thankful that that doesn't always work, that Jesus knows us and what we need better than that.  Do your best and let go of the outcome.  Free your mind.  The chains around your head and heart are there because of your choice to see things the way you have.  No person, no thing, no problem, no hurt, and no situation has power over you until you decide that it's okay for it to.  You have to pick your battles wisely.  

I'm not Catholic, but for Lent, I'm giving up complaining (I know, don't judge me yet cause I'm aware that that seems sorta unattainable for me).  I'm really going to try.  Because it's a nasty trait and there's power in positive words.  I'm the first to speak them unto others and the last to let them speak to me.

"Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, and events that make you unhappy, sad, and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking." Also, this article: 15 things you should give up to be happy.

"Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.” - Joseph Campbell

I'm trying a healthier perspective.  One where I let go of the notion that the world owes me anything, that I'm entitled to good things.  But rather, one where I accept the sweet things that Jesus allows to come my way.  And I stand firm on the truth of the cross and his resurrection to give me hope in the not-so-sweet things.  

She let it go: She let go. She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go. She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go. She didn't ask anyone for advice. She didn't read a book on how to let go. She didn't search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right. She didn't promise to let go. She didn't journal about it. She didn't write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn't check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go. She didn't analyze whether she should let go. She didn't call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn't do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn't call the prayer line. She didn't utter one word. She just let go. No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go. There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn't good and it wasn't bad. It was what it was, and it is just that. In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore… - Ernest Holmes

Thank you, God, that you're good.  Thank you that you're patient with us.  Thank you for designing us to be resilient.  Thank you for the Holy Spirit to guide us when we get sorta lost.  Thank you for peace and ease.  Thank you for forests and oceans.  Thank you for putting semicolons where we put periods.  Thank you for the promise of your faithfulness.  Thank you for the grace that we can stand on.  Thank you for goodness and patience and happier thoughts.  

I've accepted that I think a lot, most of the time too much.  But I'm also consistently working towards not letting my thoughts dictate my life.  

I feel like I post posts like this every other day.  thanks for reading anyway.  hope you're encouraged.  and I hope your week is really, really good for you.